MY SINGLE LIFE: UNDERSTANDING SELF IS KEY TO LIFE’S FULFILLMENT


Man Wearing Grey Shirt Standing on Elevated Surface

“Certain things never change.”


I have posted previous topics regarding being single and self-awareness. Only this topic aims at why I am the type of person who prefers to be single over being in a relationship. And it has a lot to do with aging and coming to an understanding that you feel a certain way and it may never change. Now don’t get me wrong, we as humans go through many transformations throughout our lives, but there are personality traits which will never change about you. And for me, being the aloof person who don’t quite want you around is a personality trait of mine that I feel is for the rest of my life. It’s something that I love most about myself, but there are the downsides of being as aloof as I am. The downside is that you can more than likely guarantee you’ll never find a successful relationship. And for most, they are able to stomach that reality.

And what do I mean by being as aloof as myself. Well, there is this amazing aspect that I found about life in coming home and not having to compromise with anybody for anything. Going to the refrigerator not having at ask what to eat or being on a schedule. That feeling when you walk in the house at 7:00 p.m. or 12:00 a.m., and it not being a discussion is paramount. I shouldn’t have to explain where I’ve been, I just want to sleep. And that’s when it sinks in, “Buddy, you need to be single.” You think to yourself, “Really.” Well, yes, you should remain single if you are the type of person that I am in life. The problem is, is that most people don’t stay single. They want someone to accept their personality, but that’s just not realistic. Because a relationship is about compromise, not doing things you genuinely want to do. That’s when I get that not interested feeling in my stomach.

At first, it is something that is depressing, but you know your mind better than anyone. You know deep down inside why, but it hurts. But for me, at age 30 years old, I say to myself, “Oh, ok, this is what this is.” The “oh” is coming to realization that you mean I have to do what to date or be in a relationship. That is why I never have been in one. I have to speak to your friends, or get to know your family members. What the hell for, can’t I just be with you, and not have to be in their presence. Then you pause and say, “Yeah, maybe being me is a risk.” Because in the end, you have to have a non-negotiable list. The things you will deal with and not deal with in life. And my list is I should not have to speak to friends or family I don’t want to talk to or may not like; I should not have to do relationship people things like be around other couples; and I should not have to consult with you before doing anything. And those top three will keep you single. But I love the me that I am. And coming through adulthood I have become happier and more aware; and that’s what’s important.


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NOT QUITE THERE YET: ARE YOU NOT IN THE PLACE YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE

daylight, grass, landscape

“The long arduous path that is success.”


Have you ever had the feeling like you’re not in the place you want to be in life? Like you should be or thought you would be a lot farther by this point? Well, I am about to turn thirty years of age and I am working toward a career as a writer. While working toward this career, I am working two part-time jobs. And that sounds fine when you are a twenty years old, but not when you are thirty. Because when you are thirty, you are supposed to be a certain place by this time. You should be on your way to finding your first starter home and thinking about children, not writing. But I am pursuing a career I love, rather than a job I have to go to everyday.

So here I sit, in this moment writing. And to cope with the long road to writing success, I try to observe those that started around my age. And you see they had their first success at about mid to late thirties. Now I gave myself a ten year time period to break in as a successful writer of screenplays, playwright, and novels; with a little lightweight film/theatre directing. Now that I have gotten myself out of the way, what are you pursuing that your life isn’t where you thought it would be? We have all these visions when we are children of the things we will do as adults. But when we become adults, everything is up in the air once you are in the world on your own.

And everything is really up in the air if you have no clue what you want to do with your life. You typically spend all your time working, then coming home and existing. So the days turn into weeks, then weeks to months, and months to years. And before you know it, life has past them by, and they have not attempted at anything in life. And that is the scary feeling people have of not quite being there yet. They even see people their age making life decisions, going in the right direction. Yet they are still not there themselves. So they find any reason to avoid people they know out of shame. Why, well because we always compare ourselves to people that are around our age.

But what happens once people younger than yourself start making moves in life beyond you. That’s when you really start to feel uncomfortable. Seeing a new younger generation making moves that you feel you have not made yet. And what’s crazy, that young age group will feel the same once they reach my age. See, in the end, we don’t want to live with the failures. But we also don’t want to live with the idea of people saying I told you so. Trying at something and constantly failing at it over and over again. But I remember reading a quote by Thomas Edison which stated, “Many of life’s failures didn’t realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” But the real question is, how do you know when you’re close?


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