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“Don’t assume it’s all good.”

“Here they go, always gotta be with a White girl.” “He must not love his momma.” “Any Black man who would hop, skip, and jump around all these Black women to be with a White girl, I can’t respect.” These are a few of the quotes I have heard from the mouths of Black women throughout my life. In addition, the most famous is, “How come they keep stealing all of our good Black men.” Now, me as a Black male wanted to break down this line of thinking to try to have a coming of the minds. But when I did break down the line of thinking, something more sinister began to formulate in my mind.

Let’s look at it from the standpoint of how Black women see the situation. Well, when you turn on the television, an athlete is with a White female. An entertainer, is with a White female. Even the professional Black men in day-today society are with White females. So if you are observing through the lens of Black women, the logic makes perfect sense. For example, Adam Silver of the NBA who is the commissioner stands before everyone and says. “With the number one pick of the NBA draft, the ________ select __________ of _______ University.” Next you see his mother, no father, his sisters, then the White woman. And you go, oh, now I get Black women’s frustration.

Now, that has been said, let’s look at the reality. I have been a fan, a die hard fan of sports since 1st grade. I can name the players at times just by looking at their jersey numbers. And sometimes, some obscure player that no one really knows. To a large degree I know a lot about these guys. I have followed so much, I have even seen their families. And I will be the first to say the vast majority, probably 70% – 80% are in relationships or married to Black women. But we name off the few top guys that aren’t as a template for the league. For instance, 53 players on an NFL team, and 85% Black. Of the 45, 70% are with Black women, 30% not. Black women look at the 13 or 14 because that’s what is shown, and base the league off of that number.

Now the same exist for the NBA, MLB, and there aren’t enough Black men in the NHL to calculate the amount. That’s just athletics, but what about the other professional work environments: doctors, lawyers, engineers, physicians, etc. Well, statistically speaking, over 90% of Black men, when we marry, marry Black women. But all that has been said still does not answer the question, “Why do they take all our good Black men?” There is something fundamentally wrong with that line of questioning. And the problem is in the word all and good.

Now, the problem with the word all, has been laid out previously. The problem with the word good can be subjective as well. 5 year $75 million; 3 year $50 million; and 6 year $100 million. Is this the reason he is considered good? I mean, Black women tend to say, she’s only with you for your money. Now let’s observe that for a moment. When you look at these beautiful White women with Black men, there is a correlation between her looks and his money. But to say he’s a good Black man being taken, doesn’t that place you in that same realm as a Black woman. There are average Black guys who walk the street everyday who don’t get any attention. Using your logic, as a Black woman, then we should never go without a woman because it’s pure on the home front and about money outside our ethnicity.

For you to want him for money makes both of you the same, only difference is she got him first. Yet there is something more psychological when I hear the word, “GOOD.” I live in Harlem, and I rarely have Black women make eye contact. But if I walked the street with a White female it could potentially be a problem. So me, I broke the psychology down for a second. If I am uninteresting because I’m me, but considered a good Black man being taken by her. I would have to assume there is an internal struggle taking place. Meaning, you see yourself as not able to pick a good man, so if the White girl got him he must now be worth something. You don’t value your judgement, but hers is spot on because they know a good man, yet I don’t have the sound decision making to get one.

Well, hold the phone, let’s observe White females for a second. Even though there is this whole outcry for why Black women who are so single, have you checked White women’s statistics. More single White females than Black females. Now yes, population makes that possible, but do you think they are cruising town chasing us (Black men). Or are they looking for the same goodness to be found in White males as Black women do in Black men. I know Black women want the hegemony of power over love for their men. But every woman is down for the men in their group more than other men. Why, because women’s loyalty is stronger than ours.

So why don’t we hear White women outraged. Because there are a lot of White men who date Black women, Asian women, and Latin women. But the anger is not there like Black women. Could it be because the pickings are more vast than Black women? No because White women are not marrying these heavy hitter White guys with 7 figure salaries. The men are just as regular as Black men. It’s all about perception. Black people see a colonial style home, the kids, cat, and dog and automatically assume she living it up. When in reality they are combining incomes and building a life that looks big to us, but actually it’s quite normal.

You see the problem in the Black community lies in the fatherless situation as well. Black girls raised by momma and grandma fill her head with ideologies about what a man will do and won’t do. Now she grows into a woman, full blown from mom and grandma’s imagination, with a perception of men because daddy wasn’t present to show her reality. Now we as Black men feel the total force. So she sees Black men now with White women and the perception becomes real. But it’s just that, a perception. White women got it good makes Black women sound as if they are lacking something in comparison to White women. And that itself can be perceived as envy. When in reality, you are only in your frame of thought with regards to Black men dating outside our ethnicity because the perception you have is a false equivalency, “She has him, he must be good.”

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