LEVELS: WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF A LEAGUE IN DATING

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“Is your league a real league?”


When you’re young, you ever hear someone say that you should date in your league? But once you start to get older, you realize that a lot of the leagues you thought were real leagues are not leagues at all. And that is when you are able to navigate around the a lot of the loud noise that you can’t date someone that society says you are not supposed to date. But what is it? What are real leagues? Because when you are young the league is based around what clothing you’re wearing. Or better yet, how physically attractive you are; from your body type to your facial region. You are also determined by how up to date you are on the latest gadget everyone owns. But then you age and realize the true meaning of a league. And that’s when your mind starts to really open up. So why don’t you see that at your young age?

The reason you don’t know what a league is, is because there is to some degree a lack of self-awareness you have when you are coming through your teens and even your twenties. You’re also not as well traversed about the world around you. A league is much more important than just the article of clothing and your body type, it’s how far you’ve come in life thus far. Where are you in relation to most males and females your age. Now this can be difficult because we all have our individual journeys. But you should still be making some type of stride in the direction you want to head in, in life. And if you are making the appropriate adjustments to being where you want to be, then you are allowed to have a league. And who are those people not allowed to have a league?

Well, the men and women who live at home with their parents, yet they demand that the person they date have their lives together. A woman who works a part-time job who demands her man has a substantial means of income; and man who lacks ambition wanting to not have a woman sitting around doing nothing. We seem to think that we’re all being rational in our relationship pursuits, until you ask the question, where are you in life. When you look over your life so far, are you proud to say that you are where you want to be? And a lot of people can’t say that. So if you are satisfied, then you are of the bunch that are on a collision course with greatness. And that my friend is the definition of a league. Asking for the things in life that you are willing to push for and/or have already that you expect from someone else.

In the end, we look on television, inside of a magazine, or browsing the internet. We look at certain people having a certain lifestyle and we say that is what I want. But instead of saying I will build it myself, or meet someone and we can build each other to that point, we want someone else to give us something. But we come into the situation with nothing, acting as if it is something, and that is our basis for a foundation. Then time pass, and you realize your league was a non-league. Now you must play catch-up in life before you get left behind. And hopefully you have not wasted too much time and you can rebound.


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SELFISH ME: WHY YOU SHOULD BE A DICTATOR WITH YOUR LOVE

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“Only to those who deserve it.”


In life, when dealing with people no matter what the relationship capacity, you must be a dictator with your love. And what do I mean by being a dictator with your love? I mean you must be very authoritative, and translate to people what it is you want and expect. And if they are not willing to meet you there, then you must move on from them. Because you only have one life to live, and you don’t want to waste it on people not worthy of your time and occupying your space. Some call it acting funny; well, good. Humans have been around for ions of time. And the fact that you only have on average 78 years on this planet means you should spend your time well. Make whatever time you have on Earth count. So when people mean you no good, get rid of them.

Like I said before, you will lose people. But that is an aspect of life the comes with maturing; it’s called widening the gap. You start at a certain point with each other and along the journey you elevate. And the way for you to come to where the people you left behind are, is to come down. Now you’re compromising your time, space, energy, love, and overall existence. And you shouldn’t be compromising because you’re living the best you and running your race in life. They are the ones who should be rising to the occasion. Why are you the one sacrificing for them, when you have a mission on this planet. Now you can slow down while you’re running your race, but if you are passed by, then don’t complain. Because you were in the race, but you chose to slow down. Everyone has to grow up and become an adult. It’s not your job to raise people.

This is all why you must be such a dictator with your love. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. With that said, you must also learn the art of not giving a “F**k.” Love no one more than you love yourself, and be righteous when you say it as well. Those who understand that you are heading in a positive way and use that as a platform to propel themselves will understand. Because people who are of this mind will flock in and around each other. But those who are just in it for hanging around and occupying time won’t. They want to be in your life as part of the finished product that is you; the more polished you. But they are the ones who are not willing to get their hands dirty in the architectural building of you.

So in the end, you must be very selfish with who you give yourself to. You might have thought this topic was going to be about dating. But it’s more than just dating. It’s for dating, friendships, family, and strangers you come in contact with in life. When you let people occupy your space that aren’t worth your time, you do yourself an injustice. They mean you no good, and can only hurt your growth in the long run. So dump them and dump them fast, or watch yourself unravel along with them.


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DO BETTER; BETTER THAN WHAT: DON’T LET YOUR GOAL BE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM FOR YOU

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“Build yours or someone else’s.”


We all have these visions of the life we want. And for a lot of people, the dream is real. But what happens when you attain what you want, but then someone tries to make you feel like you should be doing more. They try to convince you that your life could be so much better. But if you allow them to invade your mind, then you can’t enjoy the satisfaction of what you initially wanted. And that’s what’s important; you living the best you that you can be. But why do people get in their minds that you should be doing what they want you to do? Part of it has to do with the idea that their opinion don’t matter and they want it to matter. And the other reason is to keep you from outshining them in what you do.

People want their opinions to matter. And when their opinions don’t matter, then you have to deal with their wrath. They get irritated at what you do, and feel that you should take their advice. They want you to be what they want you to be, and work how they feel you should be working. In their mind, they say, “Why isn’t this the way I like it.” And that has to do with the idea that people want you to succeed how they feel you should succeed. And when you’re doing things your way, outside the realm of what they think, then you’re breaking the rules. And rules is what they have been told to abide by. But the other reason people try to deter you from your dream is out of fear that you may surpass them.

The outshining aspect is, to a large degree, a big reason why people want you to take their cue. It will force you to grow at their pace. And it has a lot to do with the idea that if you make it quicker than it took them, then the road they took was for nothing. With that said, you have to do your best to remove yourself from these types of people.They are toxic and mean you no good. And not to mention these people will try to make you feel like you’re being disobedient by not listening to them. They’ll come up with every reason why you should be listening to them and not yourself. In the end, be able to distinguish those that are on your side from those that want you to fail. Follow your own drum beat, and don’t worry about others. You’ll make mistakes and hit a few roadblocks along the way, but hopefully you land on your feet.


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LIFE ON HOLD: HAVE YOU HAD TO HOLD OFF ON YOUR DREAMS TO CARE FOR OTHERS

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“They had to come first.”


As a child to a single mother, I would always hear how she wanted to do so much in her life. But having children at such a young age, mixed with not having the support system she needed, she was unable to do so. Now in her 50’s, and no children to care for, she is embarking on more things she was never able to do when she was young. And that’s what brings me to the topic today. Have you ever had to put your dreams on hold for something or someone else. For my mother it was her three children, but for someone else it could be something different. We as people sacrifice so much of ourselves in the name of helping other people. A move which I do not plan on doing in my life because it derailed so much of what my own mother wanted to accomplish in life.

But it is really that easy to say? What if I became a parent, and now so much of what I wanted to do I couldn’t? Does that mean I have to completely give up everything? Well, yes and no at the same time. Because yes, you do have to give up a lot when you start having children. But I also think that is your obligation to make sure your children have someone that they can look up to as well. Meaning, your outlook on life will ultimately effect the way your children see the world. I have always been curious about the world that we live in because my mother has had such an open worldly viewpoint. We didn’t just watch a bunch of nonsense as children growing up in her household. We would go to the library, watch the History channel, Discovery Channel, and National Geographic. She would open us up to new things and people different than ourselves.

So for me, every time I start a new project I think about my mother. She was not able to do so much, I do things for that reason. Not that reason alone, but it always sits in the back of my mind. See, it’s easy for me to look at life in the scope of not having to care for anybody but me. I am single with no children, so the sky is the limit. But at one point in time, those people with others they have to look out for, such as their children, were in my current position. But, is it always about children? You have adults taking care of other adults as well. Which is something I am not doing as well. I receive aid from home because I am making strides in my life. But caring for an able-bodied adult who does not want anything out of life, not my problem.

See, in the end, at times we give up our lives to aid people who might be sick, to a child, or because we think it makes us admirable to do so. I understand the children aspect because they didn’t ask to be brought into the world. But you going to work caring for adults who are just as capable of working is not your problem. They have to go out into the world and earn as well. To many people are putting lives of others over themselves when they shouldn’t. You have your immediate obligations which are your children, and parents; everyone else is not an immediate obligation. And it is on them to figure their own life out.


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LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS: SHOULD I LISTEN TO OTHERS OR FOLLOW THE BEAT OF MY OWN DRUM

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“Stuck between what they think and how I think.”


Trying to please other people or live by how they view you is a struggle that most of us deal with on a daily basis. But if you’re one of the the few that are not as caught up in how others perceive you, you might have a happier life than most. And that happiness could be the main factor in your success in life. But what is it that makes people so stuck on what others think of them? Why do they need so many people’s approval before they start anything in life? It’s this need to fit into a world that might not even be doing you a favor. Yet you want so desperately to fit into this space.

One of the reasons people work to fit into this space is because as a species, we yearn for acceptance. But most of all, we want some form of companionship. It does not necessarily have to be some intimate relationship. But just enough so you don’t feel alone in the world. That lonesome feeling is why you need that other person or people’s input. Going through this world alone is one of the toughest aspects of facing life. You don’t even have to be dealing with a serious financial or health issue. We as humans are just built to want someone close to us. Someone who will talk to us when there is something bothering us. And who+ are you to communicate with when you’re alone?

Another reason we seek to gain the acceptance of other people is to not be looked at as an outsider. This is an action in our lives that adolescence deal with for the most part. But it doesn’t stop there; it goes into adulthood. You actually don’t start not caring how people feel until you’re almost done with life. But why not when you’re young? Why not have it built into your mind that this is who I am, and that’s that? Well, it has a lot to do with self-awareness. We are quite unaware of ourselves and lack a real defense mechanism. So we are not able to fend off the people who might look at us a certain way. Instead of making people accept you for you, and if they don’t get rid of them, we please them. Then again, the feat of listening to yourself and not others becomes real tough when it’s coming from family.

Here is the hardest part, going against your parent’s wishes. You have been taught since you were a child that going against what your parents want you do is being disobedient. But like I said in prior posts, parents know what’s good for in childhood, not as an adult. Yet when you become an adult it’s normal for them to want to steer you in a certain direction. But what if you found what you love elsewhere? Now you’re in this weird position on who to follow. You’re stuck on following your inner self or your parents. But ultimately, the choice will be up to you. See, in the end, we want to please too many people. Yet, how many people are trying to bend over backward to please you? You have to do what’s best for you, and you only. Because you’re the only one responsible for your success and happiness.


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NEWBO: IS THERE TIME FOR A CULTURE SHIFT

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“We carved one out before, why not again?”


In the 1610’s, the African American population was forced to the United States as indentured servants. Later becoming slaves, losing names, religions, birth place of origin, and overall identification. Once freed in 1865, we went from slave labor to still no so full citizens. And with limited citizenship, and no real ethnic identity, we began to carve out a face for our community. And a lot of the culture that has made up the African American community is in the music and food. But what if we decided to take it a little further. Let’s say we made a full conversion from where we are now. I named the title NEWBO, which in today’s society stands for the New Black Overclass.

When you hear the words New Black Overclass, you think of wealth and abundant resources. And how did that manage to take hold? There are many different factors that have influenced that over the years. From young Black children growing up watching the Cosby Show to the electing of America’s first Black president. We have taken what was a bad situation in the past and made the most of it today. Yet there are still so many of us that are still below the poverty level. And not only the poverty level, we make up a disproportionately higher percentage of crime in our community relative to anyone else. So with that said, we are doing better than the past in the area of success, yet lagging behind in other major areas.

And as much as I love Black culture, there is an aspect of our culture that have taken hold in recent history that has cast a dark shadow over the community. And that has to do with the crime in the community. Because of the introduction of Heroine, Cocaine, and Crack Cocaine, from the 1970’s in the 1990’s, the face of the community has changed to much. And it has become so impactful, it is rapidly becoming our culture. Yet when you look at the overall history of Black people in America, this recent violent culture is new to us. So, how about we begin to design a cultural identifier that is us. And when I say identifier I mean clothes we wear, food we eat, music, and behavioral traits.

Having an identifier shows not only togetherness, but it creates a sense of identity outside another group. Our problem as Black people is that we are too concerned and defined by another group. And for the longest, it has been the predominantly White community. So our vision for what success looks like has always been someone in position who is White. Yet when met with resistance by anyone White it boils over quicker than anyone else. Which never happens to any other group because they create their own identity. So what another really has to say becomes irrelevant because they have defined themselves for so long feelings are trivial. But if you have no name, to language, no religion, and you adopt ones culture that’s not yours, yet someone else’s, it could become a problem if not accepted into the culture.

And in the end, that’s a real problem with why there need to be a cultural identifier. Number one, you eliminate the care for what any other group thinks about you; their views are not relevant to who you are in scoiety. Number two, you begin to take pride in something that not only you created, but you’re accepted within. Which brings me to number three, the need to fit into a group. And I think this is why we as Black people cling to Hip Hop music so much. When you create something versus forced to adopt something the sentiment is different. Christianity was never a choice, names given weren’t a choice, and language wasn’t a choice. But the music we create was a pure choice. Though not liked by many, it goes on deaf ears when pushed against because the one major thing we created that we are fully included within. And if we created something impactful and global as Hip Hop, we can create a new identity of acceptance and not tolerance.


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CELEBRATED NOT TOLERATED: WHY BE SOMEWHERE YOU’RE NOT WANTED

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“I wouldn’t want to belong, unless I belong.”


I was recently reading a story regarding Hollywood actress Gabrielle Sidibe’s visit to the high-end Chanel retail store. While in the store, Sidibe said that she experienced racial discrimination while seeking to purchase a few items. And it wasn’t until the other Black employees in the store saw who she was, that the tone of the store clerk changed. She then began to act in a much nicer manner. But my question is why didn’t she leave the store? Why would you want to shop at a store if you feel they are discriminating against you based on race? Well, I have a few theories on some of those reasons.

One of the views I have on people who patronize places where they are not celebrated, but tolerated is because a self-respect issue. Your self-respect comes into question when you are willing to belong to a place or spend your money in a location where you are not accepted. Purchasing items in this business actually reinforces a feeling of your lack of self. But more so, the individuals treating you in this manner know that you are willing and able to deal with it. A way to show people is to not patronize, not to add to their growing business. Your actions speak louder than what is being said out of your mouth. So you can’t demand respect and go to people where you are disrespected.

But to me, this is a bigger problem than just racial concerns in America. We as a collective love being apart of something that is perceived to be this great thing. And would love to put emphasis on the word, perceived. Perception is a big reason why we seek to be a member of a group that doesn’t accept us. You see it in school where the kid is ostracized from the group. But instead of hanging around kids who want to be your friend, we want to hang with the kids who don’t like us. It’s because the ostracized at times tend to be the people who ostracize others themselves. Now we want the respect that we are not willing to extend to other people. Yet there is still another theory I have on wanting to belong to something that rejects you.

And that reason is lack of self-actualization; not realizing your true wealth. You have very financially wealthy people who command more money than the businesses they frequent. Yet they act like the business is doing them a favor. It comes from not knowing your true value and what your money can do for you. If you really did know what your money does for you, you don’t go back to the business. You think if Bill Gates walked into a store and they mistreated him, he would make a fuss. He most likely wouldn’t return because he knows the true value of his dollar. He has shown this through the various initiatives he has been apart of globally. My money growing a civilization is more important than buying trinkets. So when he does walk into a store, it’s festive because he doesn’t need you. You’re not doing him a favor, he’ knows he’s helping you.

In the end, you will always have people who want to belong to something. And like I said before, it has to do a lot with perception. We perceive something to be great and yet it really is not. But we hold things up in society to be special that are not. Food, water, air, shelter are important, not tote bags and cars. But that is the power of perception in our society.


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