EXCEEDING EXPECTATIONS: HOW YOU CAN BE HATED FOR BEING MORE THAN YOU “SHOULD BE”

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“Who are you to be where you are!”


Filmmaker and actor Tyler Perry gave a speech before a group of college graduates where he stated exceeding past the expectations of where people feel you should be is when you create enemies. Because now you start to get individuals saying how dare you think you’re more than what I think of you. It’s from this internal emotion built in where we just know how your life will turn out. We just know that you can’t be more than what we see you as in society. And when you do succeed, the people who never thought you would be where you’re at have to do some serious self-reflecting. They’re Image result for self reflectforced to come to terms with two things in life. One they aren’t good characters of judgement. And number two, they are now forced to sit back and look over their lives thus far. They must now look at themselves in the mirror and say, “If only you had taken your life more serious, where would you be by now.”

So now, you as the successful person becomes the scorn of another person. Because they look at you and say, “You made me see myself.” Why, well no one really likes to look into a mirror and reflect. We often turn away, and look somewhere else. But this person you thought wouldn’t succeed makes you reflect; so much so, it stays on your mind. Especially if the success story had a troubled past. When the past of a person is ground level, and they work their way from that point, there is also an inner hate and disdain carried toward that person. You see, a successful person with a troubled Image result for accountabilitypast can be dismissed if we don’t know or having ever met the person. But when that person was someone we saw throughout life, sour grapes fills our mouths. What’s sad is that so many people can still rebound in life, yet they’re so angry at you, they miss their own blessings.

Is there more, well yes there is more to discuss. What happens when the success is doing something that the person angry don’t like, and can’t figure out why you’re successful. Well, the success has people that love what they do. And if it’s not something you like, find something that you like and stick to it. But people hate to not like something and what they don’t like go on deaf ears. No matter how ridiculous the claim, the claim still exist. That’s why social media tends to be so dangerous because there is this mob mentality; a community of people who wouldn’t otherwise have a Image result for mob mentalityvoice, able to negatively effect lives of others. In the end, when you take off, and become successful, you will have people not like you. But when you reach an altitude that many feel you shouldn’t have reached, then you get hate. But it comes with the territory; you can’t be a loser out of fear of people not liking you.


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PEER PRESSURE: WHY SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE DON’T FIGHT IT

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“A time in life without a sense of self.”


When you’re growing up in school, you seek to fit into the environment of that academic space. And coincidentally enough, that space is not attaining the best grades, but more so trying to wear the latest fashion, and hang out with what is perceived to be the cool kids. And that word perception sticks out the most because your perception of each other is what’s the strongest, not the real person. Why is perception the most important, well it has to do with lack of facts. The facts that lead you into the inner workings of the real person. But who cares about facts, when you can easily makeup a perception that suits you just fine. And that is what we live by all growing up until we become adults and take on our own identities. That keeping your image together for what people think you is known as your reputation.

Now, considering your reputation proceeds you wherever you go, you work hard to keep that image in tack. But what if your image is not the image of what your peers think is acceptable for you to have in life. See, it’s easy as an adult to say, screw that, this is such a small window into the outside world, but kids don’t understand your advice. We can look at life from such a rational perspective, once you step out into the world. You have realized as an adult that no one truly cares how much swagger you have in life. You have to be able to be productive, but that built in understanding is not present in kids and teens. You can’t fully expect children to have that level of self-awareness, or that built in rejection mechanism that you get once you become adults. To them, this is your circle of friends for life. As adults we understand you may never see these individuals ever again once you graduate high school.

And not because you think you’re better than your friends, but more so, you start to out grow people’s mind frames. So the kids who were once your adversaries, eventually become people you have as associates. Now, there are those exceptions to the rule; such as the kids you just walk to the beat of their own drum. These kids are very few and far between, but they do exist. I took on the walk to my own beat after getting injured in sports. You go from, “Who is that boy that runs track and plays football so well,” to “He use to fly playing sports, oh well.” That’s when I learned people like you for what you’re doing, not necessarily because of you. So they generally gravitate toward that because we all want to be attached to something we perceive to be great, even if it’s for a short stint. Yet again, there goes that word perception; people perceived me to be great.

And in the end, that’s why fighting peer pressure is so difficult for so many young people. It’s not just the idea of wanting to not be the odd one out, but you want to be attached to something you perceive to be better than yourself. We all have this time in our lives where we want to be something other than ourselves. And once we see someone who appears to be doing anything remotely better than us, it looks appealing to us. So if the kid who has the latest sneakers growing up walks into school, we seek to be close and attach ourselves to that person. That person could potentially have a trouble home life, but they are perceived to be better because they are in a social class outside of where we see ourselves.


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SELFISH ME: WHY YOU SHOULD BE A DICTATOR WITH YOUR LOVE

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“Only to those who deserve it.”


In life, when dealing with people no matter what the relationship capacity, you must be a dictator with your love. And what do I mean by being a dictator with your love? I mean you must be very authoritative, and translate to people what it is you want and expect. And if they are not willing to meet you there, then you must move on from them. Because you only have one life to live, and you don’t want to waste it on people not worthy of your time and occupying your space. Some call it acting funny; well, good. Humans have been around for ions of time. And the fact that you only have on average 78 years on this planet means you should spend your time well. Make whatever time you have on Earth count. So when people mean you no good, get rid of them.

Like I said before, you will lose people. But that is an aspect of life the comes with maturing; it’s called widening the gap. You start at a certain point with each other and along the journey you elevate. And the way for you to come to where the people you left behind are, is to come down. Now you’re compromising your time, space, energy, love, and overall existence. And you shouldn’t be compromising because you’re living the best you and running your race in life. They are the ones who should be rising to the occasion. Why are you the one sacrificing for them, when you have a mission on this planet. Now you can slow down while you’re running your race, but if you are passed by, then don’t complain. Because you were in the race, but you chose to slow down. Everyone has to grow up and become an adult. It’s not your job to raise people.

This is all why you must be such a dictator with your love. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. With that said, you must also learn the art of not giving a “F**k.” Love no one more than you love yourself, and be righteous when you say it as well. Those who understand that you are heading in a positive way and use that as a platform to propel themselves will understand. Because people who are of this mind will flock in and around each other. But those who are just in it for hanging around and occupying time won’t. They want to be in your life as part of the finished product that is you; the more polished you. But they are the ones who are not willing to get their hands dirty in the architectural building of you.

So in the end, you must be very selfish with who you give yourself to. You might have thought this topic was going to be about dating. But it’s more than just dating. It’s for dating, friendships, family, and strangers you come in contact with in life. When you let people occupy your space that aren’t worth your time, you do yourself an injustice. They mean you no good, and can only hurt your growth in the long run. So dump them and dump them fast, or watch yourself unravel along with them.


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DO BETTER; BETTER THAN WHAT: DON’T LET YOUR GOAL BE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM FOR YOU

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“Build yours or someone else’s.”


We all have these visions of the life we want. And for a lot of people, the dream is real. But what happens when you attain what you want, but then someone tries to make you feel like you should be doing more. They try to convince you that your life could be so much better. But if you allow them to invade your mind, then you can’t enjoy the satisfaction of what you initially wanted. And that’s what’s important; you living the best you that you can be. But why do people get in their minds that you should be doing what they want you to do? Part of it has to do with the idea that their opinion don’t matter and they want it to matter. And the other reason is to keep you from outshining them in what you do.

People want their opinions to matter. And when their opinions don’t matter, then you have to deal with their wrath. They get irritated at what you do, and feel that you should take their advice. They want you to be what they want you to be, and work how they feel you should be working. In their mind, they say, “Why isn’t this the way I like it.” And that has to do with the idea that people want you to succeed how they feel you should succeed. And when you’re doing things your way, outside the realm of what they think, then you’re breaking the rules. And rules is what they have been told to abide by. But the other reason people try to deter you from your dream is out of fear that you may surpass them.

The outshining aspect is, to a large degree, a big reason why people want you to take their cue. It will force you to grow at their pace. And it has a lot to do with the idea that if you make it quicker than it took them, then the road they took was for nothing. With that said, you have to do your best to remove yourself from these types of people.They are toxic and mean you no good. And not to mention these people will try to make you feel like you’re being disobedient by not listening to them. They’ll come up with every reason why you should be listening to them and not yourself. In the end, be able to distinguish those that are on your side from those that want you to fail. Follow your own drum beat, and don’t worry about others. You’ll make mistakes and hit a few roadblocks along the way, but hopefully you land on your feet.


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LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS: SHOULD I LISTEN TO OTHERS OR FOLLOW THE BEAT OF MY OWN DRUM

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“Stuck between what they think and how I think.”


Trying to please other people or live by how they view you is a struggle that most of us deal with on a daily basis. But if you’re one of the the few that are not as caught up in how others perceive you, you might have a happier life than most. And that happiness could be the main factor in your success in life. But what is it that makes people so stuck on what others think of them? Why do they need so many people’s approval before they start anything in life? It’s this need to fit into a world that might not even be doing you a favor. Yet you want so desperately to fit into this space.

One of the reasons people work to fit into this space is because as a species, we yearn for acceptance. But most of all, we want some form of companionship. It does not necessarily have to be some intimate relationship. But just enough so you don’t feel alone in the world. That lonesome feeling is why you need that other person or people’s input. Going through this world alone is one of the toughest aspects of facing life. You don’t even have to be dealing with a serious financial or health issue. We as humans are just built to want someone close to us. Someone who will talk to us when there is something bothering us. And who+ are you to communicate with when you’re alone?

Another reason we seek to gain the acceptance of other people is to not be looked at as an outsider. This is an action in our lives that adolescence deal with for the most part. But it doesn’t stop there; it goes into adulthood. You actually don’t start not caring how people feel until you’re almost done with life. But why not when you’re young? Why not have it built into your mind that this is who I am, and that’s that? Well, it has a lot to do with self-awareness. We are quite unaware of ourselves and lack a real defense mechanism. So we are not able to fend off the people who might look at us a certain way. Instead of making people accept you for you, and if they don’t get rid of them, we please them. Then again, the feat of listening to yourself and not others becomes real tough when it’s coming from family.

Here is the hardest part, going against your parent’s wishes. You have been taught since you were a child that going against what your parents want you do is being disobedient. But like I said in prior posts, parents know what’s good for in childhood, not as an adult. Yet when you become an adult it’s normal for them to want to steer you in a certain direction. But what if you found what you love elsewhere? Now you’re in this weird position on who to follow. You’re stuck on following your inner self or your parents. But ultimately, the choice will be up to you. See, in the end, we want to please too many people. Yet, how many people are trying to bend over backward to please you? You have to do what’s best for you, and you only. Because you’re the only one responsible for your success and happiness.


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NEWBO: IS THERE TIME FOR A CULTURE SHIFT

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“We carved one out before, why not again?”


In the 1610’s, the African American population was forced to the United States as indentured servants. Later becoming slaves, losing names, religions, birth place of origin, and overall identification. Once freed in 1865, we went from slave labor to still no so full citizens. And with limited citizenship, and no real ethnic identity, we began to carve out a face for our community. And a lot of the culture that has made up the African American community is in the music and food. But what if we decided to take it a little further. Let’s say we made a full conversion from where we are now. I named the title NEWBO, which in today’s society stands for the New Black Overclass.

When you hear the words New Black Overclass, you think of wealth and abundant resources. And how did that manage to take hold? There are many different factors that have influenced that over the years. From young Black children growing up watching the Cosby Show to the electing of America’s first Black president. We have taken what was a bad situation in the past and made the most of it today. Yet there are still so many of us that are still below the poverty level. And not only the poverty level, we make up a disproportionately higher percentage of crime in our community relative to anyone else. So with that said, we are doing better than the past in the area of success, yet lagging behind in other major areas.

And as much as I love Black culture, there is an aspect of our culture that have taken hold in recent history that has cast a dark shadow over the community. And that has to do with the crime in the community. Because of the introduction of Heroine, Cocaine, and Crack Cocaine, from the 1970’s in the 1990’s, the face of the community has changed to much. And it has become so impactful, it is rapidly becoming our culture. Yet when you look at the overall history of Black people in America, this recent violent culture is new to us. So, how about we begin to design a cultural identifier that is us. And when I say identifier I mean clothes we wear, food we eat, music, and behavioral traits.

Having an identifier shows not only togetherness, but it creates a sense of identity outside another group. Our problem as Black people is that we are too concerned and defined by another group. And for the longest, it has been the predominantly White community. So our vision for what success looks like has always been someone in position who is White. Yet when met with resistance by anyone White it boils over quicker than anyone else. Which never happens to any other group because they create their own identity. So what another really has to say becomes irrelevant because they have defined themselves for so long feelings are trivial. But if you have no name, to language, no religion, and you adopt ones culture that’s not yours, yet someone else’s, it could become a problem if not accepted into the culture.

And in the end, that’s a real problem with why there need to be a cultural identifier. Number one, you eliminate the care for what any other group thinks about you; their views are not relevant to who you are in scoiety. Number two, you begin to take pride in something that not only you created, but you’re accepted within. Which brings me to number three, the need to fit into a group. And I think this is why we as Black people cling to Hip Hop music so much. When you create something versus forced to adopt something the sentiment is different. Christianity was never a choice, names given weren’t a choice, and language wasn’t a choice. But the music we create was a pure choice. Though not liked by many, it goes on deaf ears when pushed against because the one major thing we created that we are fully included within. And if we created something impactful and global as Hip Hop, we can create a new identity of acceptance and not tolerance.


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NO POINT TO PROVE: HOW HAVING SOMETHING TO LOSE IS BASED ON SOMETHING TO LOSE

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“Don’t feel you have to prove yourself to nobody’s.”


Having something to lose is really important in our society. Not just in our society today, in the past and in the future. So why do so many people operate with this mindset of I have noting to lose? They operate this way because they don’t see themselves going anywhere in life. And when they don’t see nothing for themselves, they could care less about you. I was just watching an interview that Jay Z conducted where he was talking about coming into the music industry for the first time. He thought then superstar Notorious B.I.G. was scared not to walk into a nightclub. But it wasn’t fear, Biggie had something to lose at that time.

And that is hard for people at the bottom or just getting into a position of power don’t realize. Having something to lose, meaning not just money, but a bigger picture. B.I.G. had a bigger vision than Jay Z was able to see at the time. Now that Jay is where he is now he understands the bigger picture. And income along with socioeconomic have a lot do with having something to lose. Like I recently said, not just money alone, but money is a motivator. Yes, there are things that are bigger than money, yet monetary decisions are closely related to having something to lose. But who with money is effected by this losing or winning in society. In my opinion, athletes and entertainers are two groups of people that largely fall into this category. And a lot of times it’s public figures from poor backgrounds.

For example, the NFL draft just took place this past weekend and there were a lot of athletes from underprivileged backgrounds. They don’t understand how their lives are about to change soon as they sign that contract. And I am not saying just going places without being noticed. I mean the people you associate with in life. Everything you do is under a microscope. So if people are around you, they have to shift how they behave to be in your environment now. And the question is are they willing to do so? Are they willing to change themselves to help you persevere? Because with them around, now you become a babysitter. Whatever they do, you take the punishment for. For instance, NFL player Adam “Pacman” Jones friend shoots someone at a nightclub. Adam is nowhere around, but the fact the guy is with you is enough for you to get punished.

If you told some of these guys that they now are responsible for whatever the people around them do, they would have second thoughts about being athletes. And the reason for this change is because you are not just some guy running a football. You’re not some musician making beats and singing, or acting in a movie. You become a brand, a figure for young people to look up to, and an investment for people who sign you to a contract. Some people say, I’m still me, but you’re not you anymore. You have this light on you, where you can’t be you. You are expected to be more than just you. Your morals and ethics go out the door, and it is more about the organization you represent; their morals.

In the end, your life will shift with every level of increase in life. You have no other choice, because with the good comes the downside. There is no all good in life. And change is can be hard, but not all change is bad. Sometimes growth is needed and must take place to make you a better you.


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