I’M NOT QUIET OR LONELY, JUST IN THOUGHT: WHY DO WE ASSUME INTROVERTED IS UNHAPPY

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“Being to yourself gives you time to reflect.”


A lot of people throughout my life have told me that I am an introverted person. They have asked me why am I so stand off-ish or why do I like being so lonely. But there is a reason why I have become the person that I am today. For starters, I am an introverted person, but I am not stand off-ish nor am I lonely. Because stand off-ish people are unaware of self so they have a hard time in conversations with substance. And there is also a vast difference between someone who is alone and lonely. I am a person who spends time alone, but I am far from lonely. But how does a person be alone and not lonely? Aren’t they one of the same? Yes, they are, but to an extent. So why do we perceive people to be lonely and stand off-ish, or even disconnected when they don’t converse as much?

Well the reason we give people these types of labels has a lot to do with being human. When you are a human, we all want and yearn for some level of companionship in our lives. It can come in many different forms: doesn’t matter if it is a pet or a friend, or even a monogamous relationship. We all want to be close to someone or something that makes us feel like we exist on Earth. But you can also have people around you and still feel alone and shut out. Well, how is that the case? It’s because not everyone is meant to be in your life. And you should really assess who you allow into your space before you make the leap to bring them close to you. These people not meant to be in your life are the leaches who will suck you for everything you got, and then they’re gone once they have what they have come for.

Another reason why we look at people who are to themselves as lonely is because it’s what is associated with depression and anxiety. People who suffer from these illness typically exemplify the characteristics of a person who is lonely. They feel uncomfortable when put in social settings because of their own insecurities. So they typically shy away from people and keep to themselves. And there is a great deal of truth to this claim. Because I am a person who has been kept back because I have dealt with these internal issues in my life. Throughout life, I have been self conscious, depressed, lacked confidence, and anxious. So a lot of times I strayed from so many social situations because I felt this way. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized who I really was: which goes back to what I said earlier about self awareness. And that is the key to understanding yourself and others to understands themselves as well.

In the end, I have learned a few things by being alone. I have learned to have a great deal of patience because the solitude forces you to be still. You’re in a space alone with your own thoughts. So you have to do a lot of reflecting on your life. You have to look up until this point in life and be happy with where you are and where you are going. This is the moment you become self-aware. I also learned to have an objective opinion because I am not dealing with only the intricacies of my own peer group. So being around different people than myself in society allows me to be more practical. I am not a loner, I am reflecting; I am not lonely, I have plenty of people who love and care about me; I am introverted, but only because I have looked deep within self to find my purpose driven life; and I am not stand off-ish, I just usually stray away from conversations when I have nothing of substance to add. But what I have learned, is that the more time progress, the more people learn about me, the more they understand and respect who I am.


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LIFE ON HOLD: HAVE YOU HAD TO HOLD OFF ON YOUR DREAMS TO CARE FOR OTHERS

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“They had to come first.”


As a child to a single mother, I would always hear how she wanted to do so much in her life. But having children at such a young age, mixed with not having the support system she needed, she was unable to do so. Now in her 50’s, and no children to care for, she is embarking on more things she was never able to do when she was young. And that’s what brings me to the topic today. Have you ever had to put your dreams on hold for something or someone else. For my mother it was her three children, but for someone else it could be something different. We as people sacrifice so much of ourselves in the name of helping other people. A move which I do not plan on doing in my life because it derailed so much of what my own mother wanted to accomplish in life.

But it is really that easy to say? What if I became a parent, and now so much of what I wanted to do I couldn’t? Does that mean I have to completely give up everything? Well, yes and no at the same time. Because yes, you do have to give up a lot when you start having children. But I also think that is your obligation to make sure your children have someone that they can look up to as well. Meaning, your outlook on life will ultimately effect the way your children see the world. I have always been curious about the world that we live in because my mother has had such an open worldly viewpoint. We didn’t just watch a bunch of nonsense as children growing up in her household. We would go to the library, watch the History channel, Discovery Channel, and National Geographic. She would open us up to new things and people different than ourselves.

So for me, every time I start a new project I think about my mother. She was not able to do so much, I do things for that reason. Not that reason alone, but it always sits in the back of my mind. See, it’s easy for me to look at life in the scope of not having to care for anybody but me. I am single with no children, so the sky is the limit. But at one point in time, those people with others they have to look out for, such as their children, were in my current position. But, is it always about children? You have adults taking care of other adults as well. Which is something I am not doing as well. I receive aid from home because I am making strides in my life. But caring for an able-bodied adult who does not want anything out of life, not my problem.

See, in the end, at times we give up our lives to aid people who might be sick, to a child, or because we think it makes us admirable to do so. I understand the children aspect because they didn’t ask to be brought into the world. But you going to work caring for adults who are just as capable of working is not your problem. They have to go out into the world and earn as well. To many people are putting lives of others over themselves when they shouldn’t. You have your immediate obligations which are your children, and parents; everyone else is not an immediate obligation. And it is on them to figure their own life out.


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PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST: CARING ABOUT YOU BEFORE ANYONE ELSE

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“Are you always putting people before yourself?”


Are you a person who always think about the well-being of others before yourself? Do you tend to put the needs of others before the needs of yourself? Have you ever asked yourself where this feeling comes from to save people? Why do you think it’s your job to correct another human being? Could it be because it makes you feel good? Or is it because they genuinely need the help? There are so many of these people who exist in our world. You would think that’s admirable to be one of these people. And in theory, they are good-nature people. But everything you think is great is not always the great thing to do. Well why, why isn’t doing the right thing, doing the right thing.

For starters, you can’t always bend over backward to help people because you’ll cripple them. Just because you think you’re helping does not mean you are helping. Some people need to be put into the ocean and forced to swim or drown. By always throwing them a life raft, you become an enabler. Whereabout you start to stifle your own growth in the process. Then when it’s time for you to get something out of life, the people you helped have drained you so much, their is nothing to bring you up. This is why you must come first before anyone else in the world. Now, this becomes easy to say when you’re single and have no children. But even with kids, if children are always coming first before yourself, then what do you have to give you once they leave your house? Everyone has a hand out, and you suffer in the end.

Another downside of the hand out mentality is that you give and give and give. The moment you say no, you’re now the biggest piece of garbage in the world. You can give 99 times, the 100th time you say no, and that’s it. They don’t remember the 99 other times, just the one time. That’s why you must master the art of the word no. Tough when it’s family, but these are the main groups of people you have to say no to in life. They see you are up in spirits, and instead of using you as an example to propel themselves forward, they impose their misfortunes onto you. People love to welcome others into their own misery because they don’t want to cope with it in life alone.

So see, in the end, it’s not your job to make sure the world is OK. We all have to be responsible for the situations we create for ourselves. No one in this world is responsible for you as an adult. The only one with stake in interest in you being successful is you. In theory, it sounds good to care for others, yet when that care is not making progress in the person’s life, you have to leave them to their own devices. Because there is no nobility in holding down anyone not willing to take the appropriate steps in making their own lives better by way of you helping them. Cutting them furthermore when they are also clearly not willing to reciprocate when you need the help.


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