TIL DEATH DO US PART, UH, NOT REALLY: WHY THIS PERFECT UNION IS SO HARD

Midsection of Woman Making Heart Shape With Hands

“Forever and ever; or maybe not.”


In our society, we are expected to meet one person in life. Fall in love with that person. Get wed, have children and live like that forever. But is that really who we are as people, or is that the image we portray. I always hear that this union is so perfect in the eyes of God. So what is it about this union that is so hard? Because when you observe the vowels you take, it should make marriage easy. I promise to honor and obey, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death to us part. Then we look each other in the eyes and say I do.

But in my opinion, marriage is so hard because you actually don’t want to do the vowels you promise to uphold. Meaning, the human element of who we are don’t want to obey someone, be with them if they are poor, not in good health, or til death. But why is that so hard to say? Why do we trick ourselves into believing this is a union that we want? Now, when you observe marriage, the structure of it makes sense. You’re with one person and one person only. It cuts down on a lot of confusion that would otherwise be present when you’re dealing with multiple people. Meaning, it is a lot easier to have three children with one woman, than three children with three women.

So the structure makes sense, but here is the biological piece. We don’t want to deal with the downside that comes with relationships. Why because the downside is not something that attracts us to the person. Meaning, we were attracted to the healthy person, so why would we want to stay in sickness. You had a job, I don’t want to be around now that you are broke and unemployed. And obeying you, what if there are things in my life I want to accomplish. I can’t do them if you are not comfortable with the decision. Oh, and not to mention til death, how do I know I want to be with you for life.

These are all the feelings that go through our minds when we are married or getting married. So why do we involve ourselves in the union? One reason is because of the societal views. We don’t want to be the outsider in the group who is not getting married. If we’re single and the people around us are getting married, then we begin to get uncomfortable. We feel like we are not living a just life, and need to fit into the group. So we don’t marry because we want to. Moreso we marry so that we can gain the approval of another person or people around us. We feel it is some sort of obligation to those outside of us. But what is another reason we marry?

The other reason we marry even though these feelings are there is because there is someone there to walk through life. You could go out trying to have random hook-ups, but random is not going to care for you as you age. Random is not going to be there for you financially in case of a setback, random is not going to listen to your grievances, and random won’t care if you’re living or dying. So knowing there is someone who will be by your side no matter what is calming to the mind. There are days you don’t want to be around that person and they around you. But they always are there when you need them.

In the end, people marry even if they hold these internal feelings because it hurts to walk life alone. Being alone with no one to share your life with is tough. It’s more than just a love life or having fun. They do so because at the end of life, if you and this person is still alive, someone will be there to care for you, when no one else will. So overall, to the people who marry, it’s worth it.


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LEBRON HATE: WHY PEOPLE WANT HIM TO FAIL SO BAD

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“He’s not the first and won’t be the last.”


NBA All-Star Lebron James has been dealing with controversy ever since he decided to leave Cleveland the first time and head to the Miami Heat. Since then, he has returned to Cleveland, yet the hate has still been going strong. And now that he has surpassed Michael Jordan as the all-time leader in scoring in the playoffs, people having been making the comparison. Now, more hate than ever has popped up because he’s being compared to arguably the greatest NBA player in history. So I started to come up with a theory as to why people may have an issue with Lebron being compared to Jordan. And it has to do with two things: his move to Miami and breaking records.

The first issue people have with Lebron and being compared to Jordan is that Jordan never left the Bulls for another team. When he left basketball, it was to go to play baseball and that was for a short stint. Jordan also never asked other athletes for help because he couldn’t win a championship with the Bulls himself. So that move caused a lot of people to not like him also. Nonetheless, he went 2-4 in wins in the NBA finals with the Miami Heat before returning to Cleveland. Then, as he returned, his first year back, he was defeated by Golden State Warriors, then beat them next year. Now, he is in the conversation with the greats. People are still not willing to let go of the Miami move and don’t feel he earned his rings. But another reason for the disdain is the broken records.

We look at Michael Jordan as this deity of basketball, so when Lebron surpassed him, it was major. Lebron has not only broken his playoff point record, but also seems to show no signs of slowing down. We look at Jordan like this unbeatable God that no one in our lifetime could beat, then James comes along and crush. And that’s the hate he receives, he crushed so many belief systems in the impossible. When you think you have witnessed something special and someone comes along and completely kills the idea of the impossible. But people, come on now, records are meant to be broken. Just as Lebron broke MJ’s record, someone will eventually come along to beat Lebron’s records.

See, in the end, Lebron is not the only person to be compared to a past beloved athlete and get rejected. And now James is in the NBA finals and more people want him to lose more than ever. They want him to lose so bad, and it’s sad. Sad, not just because people are routing another man’s failure. Sad because their greatest moment in life might be another man’s misfortune.


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SUPER TEAM: WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT TODAY’S GENERATION

Image result for nba

“How come we are afraid to lose?”

NBA super teams have become the norm in today’s society. And to be perfectly honest, it makes the NBA kind of boring. You don’t see it as much in the MLB, NFL, or the NHL. Super teams sound exciting, but when the same teams are in the finals consistently it waters down the sport. Don’t get me wrong, I witnessed the NBA run of the Chicago Bulls coming through the 1990’s with their 6 rings in 10 years. But, and there is a but, the Chicago Bulls had a superstar in Michael Jordan, the next best in Scottie Pippen, and amazing roll players who became stars themselves: Kerr, Rodman, Longley, Kukoc, Horace, Armstrong, and Paxton.

Some of the names I called off were, at their height, some of the best in the NBA in addition to being roll players. This is why Chicago was so much fun to watch. It’s kind of like the New England Patriots. Even though I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, the idea of 52 players on a roster, where we only know the names of a few, but they come together as a team to win Super Bowls is great football. It’s something so pure about a group of guys who win without that extra edge. Super Teams on the other hand are like using legal steroids.

The move of Kevin Durant to the Warriors really showed how boring the NBA has gotten. But is there more to this than sports? What does this say about our new millennial generation? Michael Jordan came out and stated he wanted to beat the best, not be on their teams. But when players today feel themselves losing, they run to the dynasty team. It says we as a generation can’t deal with the losing and must run from the challenge. In the millennial generation, today everyone gets a trophy, so you’re taught you’re great before you prove your greatness.

But then when you have to continue to lose, it really hurts and we tend to not be able to deal with the adversity. Look at Michael Jordan, he played for seven years before getting his first ring. He now is considered the greatest NBA player in history. He’s also a cultural icon for his game play and his apparel. He learned to consistently win because he took so many loses. That adversity makes you great. Tom Brady also was a last round NFL draft pick, sat on the bench behind Drew Bledsoe, and now is arguably one of the greatest NFL quarterbacks in history.

Will the super team mentality come back to haunt us? Will there come a time when Kevin Durant is alone and have to do it without his guys around? How will he feel once he realizes he’s going to lose here as well? But most of all, his former teammate Russell Westbrook has a chip on his shoulder because of his former teammate leaving. This may bring out greatness in Russell. But remember, there are a lot of other players who now want to knock the Warriors off their throne as well as the Cavaliers in the NBA.

In the end, how will this pan out moving forward? Will the super team method fizzle out? Or will people become bored and the NBA forced to make some adjustments? Because the Yankees tried to reach out over the years and build their super teams, but MLB players killed that plan. It’s what makes baseball exciting to see the Cubs and Indians play today. We have not seen the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees in the recent years in the World Series. Your super team building creates a beast. And that beast will eventually come for you.

I Do Means I Don’t, I Can’t, and I Won’t

Image result for wedding ring“The diminishing attraction of I do.”

Boy meets girl, girl says yes. Boy and girl start dating, boy and girl get really serious. Boy proposes, girl says yes, boy and girl get married. Boy says I do, girl says I do, boy and girl live happily ever after. This is the case for most people, or so most people think. Well I’m wondering how is this so, when the divorce rate in America has already surpassed 60%. We focus on the expectations of marriage, but what about the human element of marriage. Well, the human element; what is the human element?

When I say the human element, I mean is monogamy normal? Is it normal for someone to meet another person at a young age. They get married, stay together until the day they both or one past away. And even after the death of a spouse you’re sometimes expected to never marry again. It sounds like a great idea initially. I mean, you get to have a companion for the rest of your life. Whenever you’re sick there is someone there to care for you. You lose your job, there’s someone to aid in picking up the slack. Even a parent who can assist in the raising of a child so you’re doing the work alone.

What about more of the human aspects, the biological. Why when people say I do, it becomes I don’t, I can’t,  and I won’t? Why when marriage comes into play the consistency of the things you did before diminishes? I am not married, but from my basic understanding of the human species I have observed certain characteristics as to way relationships fall off. For starters, a reason as to why most fail is quite obvious, money.

When you meet in your 20’s it’s ok to have money woes. You live in a 400-500 square foot apartment. Hey, who cares, as long as you’re having a good time right. Wrong because with marriage comes even higher standards and expectations. That 400-500 square foot apartment must be upgraded to 2,000-3,000 square feet. That cute apartment in the city becomes a home in a suburb. That bicycle turns into a caravan or SUV. And that takeout becomes groceries each month. Why, well it’s because children typically come soon. Like that riddle, “First comes marriage, then comes a baby.”

Now you have yourself a home, with a mortgage payment. You have a child, car note, utilities, student loans, food, and medical bills. Then the problems start because the bills start stacking up. From the bills comes the arguments, then comes the sleeping in separate rooms. After that comes the separation, then divorce. Money just drains so much from you and compounds problems if you have money woes. But there are other issues such as attraction that ends marriages as well.

When you first meet someone you’re attracted, but marriage comes into play and attractions become second to the marriage. Like I said I am looking at the human element of what we are as people. Our human attractions toward someone comes from a desire. A desire to what the other person. Desire goes away because the thing that brought them together goes away. For instance, if I desire to buy a luxury vehicle, I’m attracted to having this car. Then once I buy the car the desire eventually goes away. People look at you at go wow, nice car, but to you it’s just a car. Desire leaves, why because you might need a paint job. Give your car a new look, so you look forward to driving the car.

Continuing a desire for something makes you want it. But the less desire conversely makes you not want it. Which brings me to the next reason marriages fail. You just know they’ll be there everyday, so hey why worry about missing out; they’ll be here tomorrow. In dating, you don’t know they’re going to be here tomorrow, savior the moment today. Taking for granted something is here today and tomorrow is something we all do. “Why call the person now, I’ll wait until they get home.” “Why keep myself looking good, I’m only with so and so.”

And there you have it, I’m not doing that, I can’t do that, I won’t do that. But in dating I’ll do it, I can, and I will. Human relationships diminish because we as people need to continue to desire something to continue to want it and work to keep it. What happens when Millennials turn 40 or 50 years of age? I just wonder what will come of my generation if it’s 60% today.