THE ILLUSION OF HARDSHIP: ARE RACE RELATIONS WORSE OR DO WE SEE MORE NOW

adult, african american woman, business

“Bad or getting better?”


a history of segregation

For the past few centuries, America has had this relationship that still until today has gripped the country. And now you look at the landscape of America and you wonder how far have we really come. Are things better or are the worse? Do we have to continue to fight, or is there less being fed to us more often that causes the problems we have in society? Because if you are an avid user of social media, you would think that America is still this hotbed of racism. So what is the true story behind all of the agendas?

social media

If you are a daily user of the internet, you are going to constantly be inundated with a lot of crazy information. But as it pertains to this topic of race relations, we have a plethora of videos out there in the world. Anything you want to see that pertains to race you’re going to see it. And everyday, there is a video of someone fighting a social issue. One of those things is police shootings that are on videos that are posted everyday. And if you didn’t know any better, you would think America is the scariest place on Earth. Only difference between now and the past is that we didn’t see everything that took place. But what role does mass media on television play in this craziness.

the news

When watching the news, you would think that the news has their own agenda when it comes to racial relations. They love to throw out there the slightest inkling of a a racial situation. It’s a long standing issue and people will bite on the story a lot more than the run-of-the-mile story on the news. And it is because of this type of reporting that can drive people crazy. Or the fact that they don’t accurately portray the story for what happened. Almost as if the people in society need to be spoon fed little tid-bits of information.

reality

As I said before, we just see more and more than in the past. Trust and believe things were a lot worse in the past. The only difference is the exposure. We weren’t privy to a 24 hour news cycle. My mother remember channels were so few and far between that the radio was the best medium. Television was for people who had some form of financial means. Now everyone has a television or some access to news on some mobile device.


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THE RELATIONSHIP TAGLINE: HOW WE AS MEN HAVE SHIFTED OUR LANGUAGE TO APPEASE WOMEN

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“We say it, but do we feel it?”


“I want a woman with her own money, and dreams, and everything else she wants that society says I should want from a woman.” This is the tagline that every guy is supposed to say when asked what he wants from a woman in a relationship. But do you really mean every word that comes from your mouth, or are you just saying that to get in good with women? Because if you’re just trying to get on her good side, she’ll peep your game out sooner or later. Then she’ll hate you more for wasting her time than if you were just honest to begin with; so why. Why do we say we want all these things from a woman in society, yet when we get these things that we say we do, we run from women. It’s an act that woman define as a weakness in men, and it is if you’re looking at it from the standpoint of what we say we want from women.

Only problem is, is that in today’s society, we are carrying this tagline because it’s what women want to hear and necessarily what they should hear from us. I’m not saying that men want a woman who does nothing for herself in life, but it is not to the extent to which we speak in society. But when you don’t say who she is and what she’s doing is important to you, we’re attacked for not caring. So what we have done as guys, is that we lie to women, but not with our words. Women tend to be better communicators verbally then we are as men. So when birthdays and holidays come around, we do things for women because it means something to you. Not always because it means something to us; Valentines Day comes around, you as that woman get two dozen roses. Why, well because it means something to you. Women react to these actions, and sometimes get hurt in the process.

So why is it so hard for men besides the societal aspects to be up front and honest about what we really want from women. And the reason comes from watching women’s likes and dislikes, then behaving according to what they demand and not who we are as a person. Meaning, she wants monogamy, but you want to just date different women. Instead of you passing on the relationship, you play boyfriend, and you’re not boyfriend material. So when it’s time to go to the next level, you remove yourself from the equation, or make her break up with you so you can avoid the commitment. So what is that men want, simple, have your life. Real men are not intimidated with your success. Have your career, hang with friends, but here is where it gets sensitive: do what I say do at some point in time how I want it done and tend to my needs as well.

And that’s when the problems start, since women of today translate that into control. “Do what I say do!” “What do you mean by that!” That’s when the conversation falls flat, not because he really wants to control you. Men are typically not good verbal communicators, so instead of stating the context of what you mean, you further bury yourself by lacking verbal communication. Meaning, do what I say do, isn’t jump when I say jump. It simply means, you have times where your word is law, and I have mine. And this is a particular moment in time when my word should mean something. It’s not control, it’s a reciprocal relationship. And in the end, that’s who men are, but societal standards are such today where you have to lie and give women a tagline. But eventually, she’ll believe in the verbal content and behavior. Yet if you’re not that guy, she’ll hate you more for not being honest in the beginning.


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DATING ALLEGATIONS: WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU ABOUT A CHEATING PARTNER

Image result for CHEATING

“To talk or not to talk.”


Having a friend in a relationship can be a new adjustment if you guys have both been single for so long. Now this new person comes in the mix and everything is different. But that is not the topic of today; the topic of today is sharing information with your friend regarding their significant other. What if you had proof that your friend’s significant other was talking to someone else on the side? Would you inform your friend that this person was out talking to someone else? Or would you keep the information to yourself? Telling your friend could mean an argument depending on how they felt about the person. But keeping it a secret could mean jeopardizing the friendship as well.

Let’s observe the outcomes of telling your friend. See, if you tell your friend it could go a few ways. The first is that your friend is proud that you would bring the information to them. Allowing them the access into what is going on behind their backs is really important. But there is another outcome from telling them. That is that they might lash out at you for telling them. You don’t know how they feel and it could backfire ending a friendship. So, so many people tend to not say anything and leave the situation alone. But even that has repercussions to it. What are the repercussions for not telling your friend about their significant other?

That’s right, there is the other side of the coin. And that is not telling your friend what happened. This could have its own set of problems by not speaking. Because once your friend finds out what happened and you knew, now what comes of the friendship. When they found out you know, it will put a serious damper on the relationship. Especially if you are their best friend, they expect you to say something before anyone says something. So then if they are mad for you not saying anything, and mad for you saying anything, then what? And it all boils down to the friendship that you and this other person have together.

In the end, friends usually have an understanding whether they would want someone to say something. If you don’t have an understanding with your friend, then it can go good or bad. With no communication, it can go in any direction.



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GENERATION FAST TRACK: HOW THIS NEW SOCIAL MEDIA ERA IS RUINING A GENERATION’S DRIVE

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“In a fast paced world, with long term success.”


Google, Yahoo, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder, and way more. We are the generation that is used to instant gratification. You type it, it pops up in less than a few seconds. And if we just so happen to get a 15 second commercial clip we get antsy. And this behavior has to do with so Image result for social mediamuch moving so fast in today’s society. But when it comes to other areas of life, time seems to stand still. And there are two areas of interest where you don’t receive instant gratification: building a successful career and maintaining a successful monogamous relationship. These are two of the most important aspects of adulthood, and two of the hardest to tackle.

Yet, we struggle so much with the idea of having to build so long. Why does it take so long to build a career? For starters, initially, you’re building experience in the field of interest. Our generation wants someone to show us, kind of like working at a fast food restaurant. Then once we learn, we can start making Related imagethe big bucks. But it doesn’t quite work like that; you need more time. So you might think, what time, 6 months, 1 year? No, you should probably take close to 10 years of learning. And that’s when the onset of stress and depression set in. So much of your life is about in the now, that you hear 10 years and say to yourself, forget it. But 10 years is nothing when trying to build a career. As a matter of fact, I’m actually being nice when I say 10 years.

Nice! Yes, nice; it’s more like 15 to 20 years, maybe even close to 20. That’s why it’s best to start young and build. This way, hopefully, you’re still young by the time your career takes off. Then again, when you see someone young doing the things you want to do, you get discouraged. But you don’t know when they started. They could have started at age 19 years old, and are now Image result for GROWTH30/31 years old. We tend to look at the now, and say what you could have been. Don’t regret, you’re still young at 30 yourself, and you will be at 40 years of age. But so many see those who are what they could have been had they have started early.But now, they resent not working at what they want. Big mistake, you’re still young, start now.

But even with all I have written, what about relationships. With so many apps geared toward meeting someone and hoping up in just a matter of hours, no wonder good relationship are so hard to come by. How do we maintain a relationship when so much is based around a quick one hour encounter. But then you look at people who have been married for 25, 30, Related image40, 50, and some more years. And you ask yourself, “How did they make it that far?” Well, they made it that far because there was no rush when they first met. There was trial and error where people learned along the way. Now, there is no trial and error; if you screw up, you’re gone. Why, well there are more options today.

If the generations before us thought the way we do about relationships, I could only imagine what the state of relationships would look like today. There was a courting process in the past that involved not only you getting to know your partner, but the family you were marrying into. Now, it’s meet you today, sleep with you tomorrow, meet your family next week, marry a few months later, and then divorce five years after. Everything is so fast, yet Image result for goalswe want things to last long.We are way too impulsive in our society today. There is little thought that goes into our decisions that have long term effects. And in the end, the long term effects are what I am worried about. Will we wind-up hurting ourselves in the end? Will a generation become depressed and less driven because they are ill-prepared for the real world? Hopefully this is fear, and it dissipates as time goes on.


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RACIALLY CONSCIOUS: HOW BEING IMPARTIAL IN A DIVIDED NATION CAN BE TOUGH

Gray Scale Photo of Topless Man Covering Face

“It exist, but to what degree?”


Growing up in the Midwestern state of Wisconsin, I never really thought about race. And when I say race, I’m not referring to the human race. I’m talking about being an African American male. I could visibly tell the students in school were different than myself, yet it was not much of a discussion. The schools were predominantly White, while I grew up in a majority Black and Hispanic neighborhood. I would hear things regarding issues with being Black. I heard how people would say it was harder to get employment, going to certain schools, or even dating in monogamous relationships. Yet it never quite sunk into my mind, until I got older. And that’s when the experiences started to take hold in my life.

Experiences ranging from looking throughout my childhood at how the teacher student relationship was different with the White students versus the Black students. Or even how walking up the street I noticed non-Black people were put off by my presence. But still, the relationships I had with students in school was quite enjoyable. No one treated the other person like an outsider. And all the kids in school would go over each other’s house on the weekends. So what was it that so many people were talking about really? Well, I began to see once leaving my mother’s house going to an out-of-state-college.

I attended two universities, the first being in the state of South Carolina. The school was a historically Black College in Columbia, South Carolina and most of the students came from the south. Attending this school was actually a culture shock because even though we were all the same ethnic group, I didn’t quite seem to fit in. And that’s when I realized, that even though I grew up in a majority Black community, I didn’t spend much time in the community. With so much going on that my mother didn’t want me apart of, I was in school and sports. So what happened, oddly enough, is that I lost a connection with other Black students at the school.

Feeling homesick, I returned back to Wisconsin to attend a university about twenty minutes from where I grew up. This rural campus was attended by multiple ethnic groups of students. It would be the campus where I graduated. But, while back in Wisconsin, I had a situation one time where I was eating in the cafeteria. Seeing a young White male I went to middle school with, we got our lunch and headed toward a table. Then I noticed a situation I had never come in contact with before. One table had mostly Asian students, one table had all Black kids, the Hispanics sat together, and the White kids sat together. My friend and I walked near a table that was mostly White, and for the first time in my life I felt uncomfortable.

Growing up, my mother raised me with the impression that you had to deal with every group of people. Yet now, I was forced to make a racial decision. Everyone else sat with what made them comfortable, but what was I to do in this space. So, for me, throughout undergrad, I kept my distance from a lot of people. And actually, I never really experienced a college life. But even after college, and entering graduate school, I started to see more of a divide. But not only the divide, but how important it is in society. I have sense taken on views that are different than how my mother raised me.

One of which is the idea of interracial dating. Growing up, I probably would have said sure, but seeing the strain of an interracial relationship, I’m not sure I could handle it. I couldn’t handle the family tension, nor making the woman choose me or her existence. My views changed where I live because I still live in a Black neighborhood. That feeling of safety is why I have decided to stay. That common bond that you share with the people. And it’s a whole lot easier socially as well. Yet I am trapped between how I was raised and the society I live in today. I was raised to be more impartial, but that’s not my life experience in our country.

And in the end, no matter how you’re raised you have to live in this society. It’s great to have these idealistic views of the world, yet they are not fully true. It shouldn’t, but ethnicity matters: where you live, who you date, friends you tend to make, and how you view society. It’s an imperfect society, but it’s the only society we have. Do I see it changing, maybe, but not in the foreseeable future.


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