“The battle is real.”
In the United States, millions of people suffer from mental health issues in this country. And the reasons for these issues are very broad and wide. The only issues that I can speak about directly are my own. That’s right, I have dealt with issues concerning mental health for the greater portion of my life. And the issues have been anxiety, depression, and a slight case of bipolar. The majority of it is anxiety with the depression coming soon after. So if I had to break down my internal issues, it would be 70% anxiety, 20% depression, and 10% bipolar. Some stuff is in my head and can be dealt with, while others will never go away. And what’s interesting is that, that internal anxiety that stems from fears have made me more urgent in life. But why would a person like me, as smart, kind, thoughtful, become the three categories?
Well, for starters, it comes from a lack of interest in what everyone else in your peer group is doing. We might see that sometimes as a good thing in life, but it can be bad as well. When you begin to lose interest in the activities of your age group, you feel uncomfortable. Why? Well, when you can’t connect to people your age, you begin to isolate yourself from the group. The conversations that they have and what triggers in you, makes you feel weird. They all are talking about going to the movies or a music festival. But you have no interest in any of the age appropriate fun. And the activities that do spark interest in you, is so past the other kids your age. I never dated also because thinking about dating was more interesting than actually dating. So I lost my virginity late in life as well.
And that lack of interest and inability to connect makes you depressed. Because you are considered weird by your peers. Yet it wasn’t until I became an adult I realized that I was not weird, I just thought in regards to things past my age group. All the other young people my age want to go to SXSW, Coachella, or Lollapalooza; I am trying to become a great writer and academic. Then it hit me, there are plenty of people my age who think the same way as myself. Plenty of people who have become introverts because we see things as it pertains to the world that takes us out of our age group. When your peers are trying to figure out what nightclub to go to on the weekend, you’re trying to gain intellectual capital to catapult yourself into success. Your lack of interest in one area, heightens your awareness in other areas, giving you the ability to think in a way most your age don’t. You view the world a lot more wide and broad, and not as myopic.
In the end, my brain has grown as it pertains to the way I see the world socially, politically, and economically. And I’m not referring to a one sided view. Perspective, a perspective that allows me to see the world from others viewpoint that I would normally not agree with. I walk the streets and observe humanity in our natural element and gain my insights into the world through daily interactions. Most people my age are not walking the street people watching as a means to understand the human construct. So my anxiety and depression stems from not connecting because the inability to be interested in anything my age group is interested in, yet I don’t want to be around people much older. It has taken me 30 years to understand and hopefully as I reach middle age, my life will be want I wanted it to be 20 years prior.
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