LOVE OR SOMETHING KIND OF LIKE IT: THE BUSINESS THAT IS MARRIAGE

Man in Black Long-sleeved Shirt and Woman in Black Dress

“Forever, not quite.”


what is love

What is the definition of love? Love is a deep affection or an intense feeling of pleasure one feels from another or people. So to put it simply we love those that directly effect our lives and contribute to it for the better. Sometimes this is biological and others times it could mean something else. But to me, love is not deep affection or intense feeling of pleasure. To me love is a conditioning of ones behavior based on past, present, and future behavior. We base our love on the things that people say to us and do for us. There is a me in all of this because if it’s not benefiting me why love someone. And that benefit can come in many different forms. And you can’t love everyone because not everyone is contributing to your overall positive quality of life. So how do we define how to love and when to love someone?

friendships and relationships

People come into our lives at different points and we define those coming together times with each other as likeable. It develops into love once they have consistently showed their affection over time. How do you know it’s love and not lust. Well, you have those nostalgic moments where you remember the good they have brought into your life. Then you think to yourself, “that is why I love them.” Lust is a deep sexual desire which tends to be temporary. The memories that last forever define your relationship with them. But being friends and the love of a monogamous relationship is different. The love you get in a monogamous relationship has a degree of intimacy that involves sharing your body in a manner that is sexual. And this is where you separate those you date from the those you friend. Yet, what is it about the dating love that turns into marital love? And is marital love really love, or is it something more?

getting hitched

To be in love with someone is to be in a constant state of fear and emotional security. That to me is insanity because how can you feel afraid and yet secure at the same time? It’s because the love is on a very conditional basis. And that marriage is really not love, yet it is more of a construct that is based around love. A construct that grants you the ability to love someone so long as they provide you with the tangible security in conjunction with intangibles to keep them interested. Or better put, love is emotions you feel, only the obligations of the love contract that brought you together keeps being fulfilled. So if money brought you together, never lose money. If physical brought you together, stay looking hot. Now, let me be clear, when we first meet, we are pure physical. But in the course of the relationship, you are supposed to look at other things as a means to make it work. And whatever those things formulate in to, is what the condition of love is based around. So if it starts looks and, then formulates into caring for me when others won’t, you will get sick in marriage and remember, “Oh, sticking it out through sickness was something that made us want each other.” If the terms are based on a pretense that you know to be false, your marriage will get tested. And you will fail the test because it was a lie to begin with.

unconditional is not real

If I break your heart, will you stay or go. Most people say I don’t no. Then you know what, your love is not unconditional. Because infidelity is a condition to end a relationship. When you love without a condition, there is nothing that person can do wrong. But we all have a condition, and for most people the condition is living out the terms of our relationship contract under the guides of love. Love, honor, and obey is a vow we take. But that simply means to stand by me with the same consistency that we dated. But most people don’t stay bonded like they did dating, so the marriage starts to get stale. Then you head for divorce or have a boring life. There is infidelity that occurs which is receiving that affection outside the marriage when the terms are not met, or shutting down and hurting your own happiness. Does that mean, for example, when men cheat we feel unappreciated, few do, most of us do it just cause. But unconditional is not real, it is just a figment of our conscious that we aspire to become while as a creature of the natural world, we are packed with conditions that if not met will end a marriage. So basically a marriage is a contract between two parties who intend to keep their promise of love which could expire at any moment if the terms of the deal are not felt met by one or two parties. What the hell type of ambiguous bullshit is that, BUT IT’S REAL.


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FOR LOVE OR FOR PAPERWORK: WHY WOMEN REALLY WANT A HUSBAND

Image result for marriage women

“It’s either I do, or I won’t continue.”


Women have always sought out to be wives. Even as young girls they are raised to find themselves a husband. They’re taught that you’re short changing yourself by settling for dating. But the things that women want pertaining to marriage are basic. So basic, do you really need marriage. Or was marriage designed and asked for, for different reasons other than the love. Because love is something you have which brought you to the marriage. There isn’t anymore, the love you have is the love you have. You’re not biologically this new person after you marry that you weren’t when you were not married. So what is it that you become? Can’t be about responsibility because you must be responsible prior to the marriage.

Marriage is the paperwork, not the love. What do I mean by the paperwork? Well, let’s first look at what marriage is in the first place. Marriage is the contractual obligation of bringing together of finances to assess if the relationship will last for the long term. Meaning, laying claims to assets in the case the relationship does not pan out. Which is a huge indicator into why women so desperately want to marry instead of dating. Women say it’s love or in the eyes of God, but it’s really in the event something happens to the man she can continue to live after he is gone. Now when I say live I don’t mean she is unemployed and he is the breadwinner. Even if she has a career along with him, her one income can not sustain the life of both when he was alive.

All of this makes sense considering woman would have to go through someone else if the man gets sick or dies. And what do I mean by going through someone else. I mean that if you and a man are not married you not considered in a lot of places next of kin; especially if he has siblings and/or parents alive. You may be put into a situation that they are able to dictate to you in the event something happens to him. You’re concerned with moving forward, while they are more concerned with a new man replacing their son or sibling. It could actually wind-up stalling your further progress in your own life.

So in the end, why don’t women just say what the real reason they want marriage is for; shame, that’s why. We shame women in society for being real in their intentions. We call them gold diggers for expressing what they want to marry for, a comfortable lifestyle. So they say love and compassion, yet you don’t need to marry for those reasons. We stigmatize them so much that they must now recontextualize what they want to fit into our male dynamics to make us happy. It’s why women make excuses of, “He may not have this and this, but he has this.” They lie about what they want because they don’t want to be judged on the truth. Yet they negatively effect our lives by manifesting what they lie about because they feel a moral obligation to please us in a male dominated environment.