LOVE COMES FROM SOMEWHERE: WHY DO HUMANS LOVE

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“We got it; who put it there?”


WHAT IS IT?

What is love? Love is defined as a deep feeling of intense affection for someone, something, or some place. It can also go deeper a be a sexual attachment to someone. But don’t let the sexual part mislead you, or even the words intense affection. Because you can also love your friends and family as well. It is a feeling most learn at a very young age. We all know what it is, but in time we all learn to understand what its true meaning is really about in life. So, now my question is, where does it come from?

HOW DID IT GET THERE

The area of the brain that is associated with love is the striatum. This is also the area of the brain that becomes affected once someone abuses drugs. Which is why it’s so hard for addicts to kick their addiction. But I am not talking about where it comes from in the mind. My asking where does love come from is more of an evolutionary question? Because when we are born, we don’t know what love is, we’re taught love. Doesn’t matter if it’s our families or society. But if anything negative is implanted at an early age, or something traumatic enough happens to us, we can have that love disrupted. So is love evolutionary that we developed over time? Did someone place it there? Or is one of those, it is what is; something unexplained why we have it?

ANGLES 

On one end of the spectrum we have religion and on the other end we have science. Religion states that man was created in the likeness of God, and that everything about you that makes you who you are was placed there by he who created you. Then science states that over millions of years through human evolution, you came to be who you are through a series of events that took the right mixture of everything in the environment to happen.

Religion

In the beginning of time there was the heaven and Earth. Yes, this is the religious view of what love is, God created it. Religion would say that God gave you the ability to love. Placed it within you, and the fact that you found it brings you one step closer to him. And you are to use that love for God to spread it around to others who have not yet found him. So love from this angle places a spiritual belief on the affection.

Science

The Big Bang, which laid the initial foundation for what would be life on Earth. And yes, this is now the scientific reasoning for what would lead to life then love. Science would say we had love in us already, and the ability to connect to each other as a species showed how we unlocked that love. Now, to go further, the establishing of communities, raising offspring, and building meaningful intimate relationships along with connecting as a species is what helped us thrive thus far on this planet. Scientist would state that love is evolutionary, taking on meanings and changing as time went on.

MANY CHANGES

As with religion and science, both have something in common, and that is how love evolves. Love will evolve and continue to evolve. Years ago, people were saying meeting someone online for a date was scary. But now, people are getting married from online relationships. We are deep into our mobile devices, but that will change how we love as well. More people are scoping our social media as a means to get to know you rather than speaking initially to you. So as love changes, so will our world.


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SELFISH ME: WHY YOU SHOULD BE A DICTATOR WITH YOUR LOVE

Silhouette of Man Touching Woman Against Sunset Sky

“Only to those who deserve it.”


In life, when dealing with people no matter what the relationship capacity, you must be a dictator with your love. And what do I mean by being a dictator with your love? I mean you must be very authoritative, and translate to people what it is you want and expect. And if they are not willing to meet you there, then you must move on from them. Because you only have one life to live, and you don’t want to waste it on people not worthy of your time and occupying your space. Some call it acting funny; well, good. Humans have been around for ions of time. And the fact that you only have on average 78 years on this planet means you should spend your time well. Make whatever time you have on Earth count. So when people mean you no good, get rid of them.

Like I said before, you will lose people. But that is an aspect of life the comes with maturing; it’s called widening the gap. You start at a certain point with each other and along the journey you elevate. And the way for you to come to where the people you left behind are, is to come down. Now you’re compromising your time, space, energy, love, and overall existence. And you shouldn’t be compromising because you’re living the best you and running your race in life. They are the ones who should be rising to the occasion. Why are you the one sacrificing for them, when you have a mission on this planet. Now you can slow down while you’re running your race, but if you are passed by, then don’t complain. Because you were in the race, but you chose to slow down. Everyone has to grow up and become an adult. It’s not your job to raise people.

This is all why you must be such a dictator with your love. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. With that said, you must also learn the art of not giving a “F**k.” Love no one more than you love yourself, and be righteous when you say it as well. Those who understand that you are heading in a positive way and use that as a platform to propel themselves will understand. Because people who are of this mind will flock in and around each other. But those who are just in it for hanging around and occupying time won’t. They want to be in your life as part of the finished product that is you; the more polished you. But they are the ones who are not willing to get their hands dirty in the architectural building of you.

So in the end, you must be very selfish with who you give yourself to. You might have thought this topic was going to be about dating. But it’s more than just dating. It’s for dating, friendships, family, and strangers you come in contact with in life. When you let people occupy your space that aren’t worth your time, you do yourself an injustice. They mean you no good, and can only hurt your growth in the long run. So dump them and dump them fast, or watch yourself unravel along with them.


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HE-SECRETS AND SHE-CRETS: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN’T TELL YOUR SPOUSE

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“Have anything you can’t tell your significant others?”


Cell phones face down, no access to each other’s passwords on computers, as well as personal experiences the other does not know about you. Is there anything that is too personal to tell your spouse. In my opinion there is nothing you can’t tell them. But people say all the time that your spouse shouldn’t know everything. But I have always wanted to know, what are those things they shouldn’t know? It just seems odd that there is something you can’t talk about that you can’t tell someone you plan on being with forever. So let’s observe those things we possibly couldn’t talk about.

What about looking through your phone, is your phone off limits? This makes sense considering you don’t want your phone in the hands of just anybody. But your spouse is not just anybody. But there are things in your phone that may be open to interpretation that are not quite what they seem. Meaning, you might look into your spouse’s phone and see a text or email and interpret in a manner that is not what you think it is. You don’t want an argument to start over something so innocent. So keeping a secret about having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex is tough to tell your spouse. Yet, are there any other reasons as to why you would keep something from a significant other?

Another secret that you might see as keeping from your spouse is certain health situations. This may sound odd to keep your medical information from a spouse. But if it’s not anything serious, maybe you don’t think your husband/wife need to know. This may ring true because you may tell them something that they become worried about. It is not worth worrying your spouse over something that is not that serious. But, are there any other reasons you may keep secrets from your spouse that you feel they should not know? Well, what about you taking money from the household?

Taking money from the household, really! Why are you taking money  from the household? Well, it depends upon why you’re taking money from the house. Not everything needs to be reported if it is in the best interest of the household. Interestingly enough, there are people that feel that house decisions need to be made with both you and the other person. Now, on the other hand, isn’t marriage about having to keep secrets. Shouldn’t everything be on the table? Why are we planning on being with each other for the rest of our lives, yet have all these secrets? So in my opinion, I have a different view on the most recent topics in this passage.

Let’s observe the phone being off limits. There are people whose phone will ring and yell at their spouse for answering the call. To me that’s odd that an argument would transpire over something so ridiculous. As far as the health situation, you should not keep health issues from your spouse. The reason to have disclosure for health is because your spouse takes over in the event something happens to you. So they should always be in the loop regarding your health issues. Now taking money from the household can be an issue because inside the house issues take place first. If you’re taking money from the house, then you should always inform your spouse. In house concerns are not taken care of, then money should  not be leaving the house.

In the end, there shouldn’t be anything you can’t discuss with your significant other. But people feel there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, and the ones I outlined are a few. See it’s all about your communication with the person. You have to know the person you’re dealing with, so as long as you do, you should be ok.

MAKING MOVES OR IS IT YOU: HOW CHANGING YOU MIGHT BE THE REAL MOVE TO MAKE

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“What are you really running from in life?”


For me, growing up in a small city my entire life, I decided to move to the big city for graduate school. Living in New York City, you have a perspective of the world that I couldn’t have gotten in the small city. On the other hand, there are people who feel that leaving their small place is what’s holding them back in life. But be careful, are you leaving the city where you’re from because the opportunities or running from something? Me, I am pursuing a career interest in filmmaking/theatre as well as writing my novels. I felt that being in the biggest city in America is the right place to thrive outside of my small city. But some people running from themselves.

And what I mean by running from themselves; they seem to think that the people in the city where they are from are the problem. But what you don’t realize is that there are people just as rude, disrespectful, lazy, gossipy as your small town. Don’t make the mistake of thinking the city is holding you back and not being self-aware of you You could be the problem in addition to the city being an awful place to live. For example, the people in your city think with such a small mind-frame, then when you sit down to talk, you don’t realize how small you think. They can communicate with you because you both think the same. Because if you were thinking above the small stuff, then they wouldn’t be around you anyways.

You see, it’s about being self-aware of who you are in life. A lot of people are not self-aware when looking at their lives. They seem to think that it is always someone else. Someone else is holding them back from doing what they want to do in life. Yet, no one is holding you from doing anything. In reality, if you were busy getting your life in order, you don’t know what others are talking about. So the problem may very well be the environment, but you are part of the problem as well. So you are not running from the people you’re running from yourself. And there is no place to run when running from yourself. You have to face your problems head on.

In the end, it doesn’t matter where you move in America. If you are not willing to change you, there is no use in moving. More so, if you move to a bigger city and don’t change you, you’ll actually have life harder in the new place. People seem to think that running from themselves will make their lives better. But just because you leave a place you hate with this idealistic view of the new place, you’re playing yourself. You are guaranteed to find the same people in your new location. So without changing your outlook in life, you are not going to be better off.


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PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST: CARING ABOUT YOU BEFORE ANYONE ELSE

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“Are you always putting people before yourself?”


Are you a person who always think about the well-being of others before yourself? Do you tend to put the needs of others before the needs of yourself? Have you ever asked yourself where this feeling comes from to save people? Why do you think it’s your job to correct another human being? Could it be because it makes you feel good? Or is it because they genuinely need the help? There are so many of these people who exist in our world. You would think that’s admirable to be one of these people. And in theory, they are good-nature people. But everything you think is great is not always the great thing to do. Well why, why isn’t doing the right thing, doing the right thing.

For starters, you can’t always bend over backward to help people because you’ll cripple them. Just because you think you’re helping does not mean you are helping. Some people need to be put into the ocean and forced to swim or drown. By always throwing them a life raft, you become an enabler. Whereabout you start to stifle your own growth in the process. Then when it’s time for you to get something out of life, the people you helped have drained you so much, their is nothing to bring you up. This is why you must come first before anyone else in the world. Now, this becomes easy to say when you’re single and have no children. But even with kids, if children are always coming first before yourself, then what do you have to give you once they leave your house? Everyone has a hand out, and you suffer in the end.

Another downside of the hand out mentality is that you give and give and give. The moment you say no, you’re now the biggest piece of garbage in the world. You can give 99 times, the 100th time you say no, and that’s it. They don’t remember the 99 other times, just the one time. That’s why you must master the art of the word no. Tough when it’s family, but these are the main groups of people you have to say no to in life. They see you are up in spirits, and instead of using you as an example to propel themselves forward, they impose their misfortunes onto you. People love to welcome others into their own misery because they don’t want to cope with it in life alone.

So see, in the end, it’s not your job to make sure the world is OK. We all have to be responsible for the situations we create for ourselves. No one in this world is responsible for you as an adult. The only one with stake in interest in you being successful is you. In theory, it sounds good to care for others, yet when that care is not making progress in the person’s life, you have to leave them to their own devices. Because there is no nobility in holding down anyone not willing to take the appropriate steps in making their own lives better by way of you helping them. Cutting them furthermore when they are also clearly not willing to reciprocate when you need the help.


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