BLACK MEN REVEALED: WHAT WE REALLY FEEL IN LIFE

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“The fear of being me, that only another me understand.”


Growing up for me, I was always scared to walk outside. Whether it was the gang violence or police officers, it always left me shook. As a Black male, when you walk out the front door, you never know what you may be confronted with in society. So you begin to develop this outer Teflon skin that makes you desensitized to a lot. You learn that being a villain is easier than being loved, and you are able to live with that. Because you are prepared to be hated, you’re not prepared to be loved. So sometimes, you tend to sabotage your own life by engaging in activities that are not the best choices. Why, so you can operate in that space of hatred that you’re used to; that comfort zone.

But what is the real feeling when you walk the streets everyday. Fear; but I don’t mean fear in the context of I can’t leave the house. Fear in the sense of I am afraid of what you might possibly do to me. So I’m going to get the drop on you first before you get me. Because I know that whatever is done to me, will be justified. So it’s better I come prepared to go into battle, even Man's Hand in Shallow Focus and Grayscale Photographyif battle is not warranted. That is the definition of an unfit way to live. Yet for me, it’s perfectly normal because it’s the only life I and many other Black men know. Now, I am not going to go into the history because we all know. But the effects of that fear causes a strain in life in more areas than just walking up the street.

We fight against, and yet sometimes wish death upon any and every man and woman in a position of power. We’ll sometimes call out other Black men simply for not joining in on the disdain. And part of it comes from wanting someone, anyone to feel just as fucked up as what we are feeling in that moment and about life. Problem is, it is so long standing and so generational, it hurts our own community more than anything. Playing stoic to survive has made us detached at times from our own Black women. When in reality you just want to sit back and chill, not really having to care about much of what you could potentially experience that is negative in life.

Our views start young being shaped about people around us, real young. As a matter of fact in my own life going back to elementary school, I had low regard for non-Black people. Going to school where I felt the Black boys misbehaving were treated a lot differently than the White boys misbehaving the same way. So it actually caused me to Man in T Shirt and Shorts Standing on Grass Field Grayscale Photographyhold animosity toward the White males I went to school with because of it. When in reality, they had no control over the behavior of an adult and were just living in the environment they knew. It wasn’t until I hit middle school my viewpoint changed as I came into a more diverse environment. While many other Black boys went to other public schools where their experiences were continuing to be shaped in a negative way.

Our perception of the world as Black males especially is when we’re young is one that is conflicted. Wanting to be open and meet new people. Wanting to trust people and enjoy. And on the other side, waking up with a fuck the world mentality. Fueled by rage, yet tired out at the end of the day. Wanting
to harm others who are in no shape or form responsible for whatever social situation we go through. And then feeling bad the thought came across your mind. Admitting when we’re wrong is damn near impossible, especially in a world where everything you do is considered wrong. So you’re in attack mode the first person tells you, what you can’t do or have.

In the end, we bury our emotions. Part of it comes from the fact that very few people care. And part of it comes from the fact that you will be seen as weak. So we at times become dictators when we really don’t have to be. Stay paranoid and looking over our shoulders. When in reality no one is even looking at you. Everything I have said would drive the average person crazy. Yet the vast majority of us manage to live on Earth everyday just fine. Our african ethnicity, beard, blacklives are by far not normal, and experiences are even more abnormal. We are considered threatening, lazy, insecure, predatory, and flashy. Yet we really are humble, fun, hard-working, and laid-back. We have a narrative that is generational; funny thing is that only we can change that narrative. No one else cares and no one else will attempt to aid. But until then, we awake everyday, we survive, and we pray we make it home alive. And if we do, hopefully we’ll get another day.


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A NATION IN PERIL: WHAT AMERICA MUST DO MOVING FORWARD

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“When did we become a nation of fear?”


Recently, there was a terrorist attack in an arena in the United Kingdom after an Ariana Grande concert. Nearly two dozen were killed and many more were injured. What this did was put the United States on high alert with regards to our arenas, stadiums, airports, etc. This, on top of an already nervous country scared as it pertains to the future of our nation. So what is it; how has America turned into this nation of fear? We used to approach situations with confidence, now everything is based off of fear. We used to have fight, now we find any reason not to fight. I have a few reasons as to why this might be.

For decades, America has pride itself on being a strong economy. But due to factory jobs being shipped overseas and an economic downturn, a lot of people have lost confidence. And with that loss in confidence, people have become scared for their futures. All coupled with the ever rising issues pertaining to Islamic extremists groups. Now in American society, we base so much on fear. Every time you turn on the news it is a constant rotation of how afraid you should be. Airports blar alarm systems that test our capabilities of being ready in case of an attack. It’s starting to feel like the 1940’s through the 1950’s. How school children used to have to hid under desk and in closets because we thought the Soviets would drop a nuke on America.

Now here we are in the United States today, once again, afraid for our lives. But, we are not afraid for our lives at the same time. We are not afraid of a foreign enemy, we’re afraid of our future here in this country. And the terrorist just adds to the already fear for our future. So with the industrial revolution running its course and limited jobs, as well as a divisive political landscape, we have all these fears. One the other hand, there is actually a lot more money to be made and the threat of terror will always be there. So what should the country do to get ourselves out of this rut we are in as a nation.

Number one, people must admit that we are in a rut. We must admit we are not like we used to be. Another aspect of getting out of our rut, is to eliminate this fear inside. And it comes from the attacks globally. America should be able to look these men engaging in terror in the eyes and threaten retaliation if they attack us. Do it, and be righteous. I’m not saying we should be violent, but we have to protect ourselves as well. But most of all, America is socially ruined and is in need of some serious repair. In the end, we have to find a way to bring that fight back into the country. Move past these petty differences, and propel ourselves forward into a nation of success.


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LOOKED DOWN ON: HOW CAN ONE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOU

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“Who are people to make you feel bad?”


I have heard people say things like, “This person or people are always trying to make me feel about something.” But in my opinion, no one can make you feel bad about something that is not already in your head. They are just able to point out the thing that you are trying to hide. And they are able to use that to manipulate and make you feel bad because their own lives are in shambles. But it can’t work unless you allow it to work. So how do people allow it to work? By opening themselves up and being around people who frown on you. What are some ways people frown on you?

One way people can make you feel bad about yourself and frown on you is by having a child too young. Now in my opinion, like I said before, no one can make you feel bad. But they can if you feel any form of regret. And when it comes to having a child too young, then they can see that. You might ask, how so? You are not giving off any indication that you feel bad about having a child young. It’s not what you’re giving off, it’s life. They know that when you reach a certain age you look back and say to yourself, “Man I should have waited.” But that regret puts you in a a strange position. Because you don’t regret your child.

See, in context, not all regret is bad. It’s one thing to say I wish I had of waited and I wish I didn’t have this kid. One is less harsh than the other, but the minute we hear regret it speaks negativity. But the connotation it carries is up to the person who is on the end of the regret. Life is hard, and people know this, so regrets are part of life. And they know you will see this hardship and wish you had of waited. But like I said, if you don’t feel that way it means nothing. Yet, is having a child the only way people try to frown on you and make you feel bad about decisions you make.

No, with staying in line with a child, how about being unwed when you have a kid. Unless you feel you should be with the person you had a child by, it’s hard to convince someone they made a mistake. But they can make you feel hurt if you have the slightest feeling of regret. And there goes that “r” word again. Regrets seep into people’s lives and it hurts deep when other people can see it. But why, why do we allow people to bring us down? A major part of it has to do with wanting to fit into the dominant society. We don’t want to be ostracized so we live according to the status quo. If that status quo says marry with a child we do so. And another part has to do with wanting to not be a statistic. Usually, if we are doing something that people try to make us feel bad about there is some form of negative connotation that leads to failure in their minds.

See, in the end, you are the only one in charge of your feelings. If I think you are ugly and you think you’re not, how does it have an affect. It does affect if part of you is self-conscious about your looks. I can capitalize off that emotion and make it work for me. Carve out your own identity and let no one make you feel bad in life.


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CRASH AND BURN: WHY SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE TO SEE THE TRAIN WRECK

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“Why do they build you up just to see you fall down?”

Growing up, you come from nothing and work your ass off. Eventually you become a success. People flock to you because they know where you came from in life. Everyone loves a rags to riches story. It gives them hope of maybe not quite the financial success, but a better way of life than they have at the moment. But where does this veer off into a whole other path. What do I mean by that; I mean what makes people become irritated with you? It’s almost as if your continuous success begins to make people sick of you.

Well why; why do people want to see a train wreck even though they know how far you’ve come in life. Ok, to be honest, everything is in context. I don’t think everyone hates you because your continuous success means you have a pretty good base of people who patronize your work. I’m talking about the people who want to be around for the collapse. Celebrities have to deal with people like this on a national level, but the everyday Joe has to deal with the same thing as well. But how does the average Joe deal considering the people that hate on them are usually friends and family.

I have a few reasons as to why people love to see the train wreck once you’ve become successful. One of the reasons is that people want to still be able to connect to you. Once you’re successful and that’s it, you become someone they can’t relate to. Your screwing up and falling shows that slight bit of normal to that person who doesn’t like you. Without a fall, especially if you’re really successful, they grow to be resentful.

Which leads to my next reason as to why people love to see a fall. The other is the feeling that your success is confirmation that they have not done much in life. If you worked in your 20’s and they partied, but now you’re very financially by age 30 and they have just become serious, they’ll sometimes resent. They realize that if they could have those ten years back, it could be different. The more successful you become the more they resent. Eventually, if the person is someone close to you, you have no other choice but to lose that relationship.

In the end, I don’t care how much disdain you receive, never compromise. And when someone hates you because you’re successful, become more successful. Learn to get revenge by being great. Not to rub it in the faces of people who hate you. But show them they don’t have an effect. Because once you crack under the pressure, they’ll continue to forge ahead. But remember to also never lose sight of the people who love you for achieving your dreams. And note that if you’re still successful, you have more love than hate.

#AWAKE UP SOCIETY!

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“Are you awake in society or do you think you are?”

As I observe the social media comment sections in Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter; you see something. Something that a lot of people claim to be, yet most will never reach the level of cerebral understanding; #AWAKE. People say this, but what does it really mean? What does it mean to be awake. And no, I’m not speaking regarding the awake we feel the moment our eyes open from sleeping. I’m speaking about the consciousnesses of the mind that seeks to understand the world around us. And even by that statement, I mean awake as far as our relationships with each other.

Well, I am still seeming to be ambiguous with the statements I am making so, let me spell it out. I talking to be awake, meaning hearing or witnessing something that is sensitive to the mind that forces you to break it apart and observe it with an objective mind. One of those things is politics. We are all witnessing the presidential election where that hash tag awake is posted. But people put awake after calling Trump racist. For example, “Trump gaining in the poles and millennials not active in voting.” “It could really aid in Trump winning and a serious shake up of America socially.” #awake #wakeup #woke.

Really, are you really awake. People out there sitting on the couch seriously think that if Hilary Clinton win that she is going to do it for them. But that is not to say Trump’s constituency has anything coming to them either. I am under no illusion that Trump will hurt America socially any worse than America is at the moment. The only difference between Trump and Hilary is that people feel more comfort in being them; yet the sentiment is still there. You have all these celebrities saying Trump is racist, yet they can’t even get Hollywood to budget a film if there are too many of a minority group. Celebs say sexist, but complain to the industry about equal pay for women. Seems to me like you can’t say clean your yard, if your own house is on fire.

What else makes you awake politically; how about to the idea that banning guns isn’t the issue. Because banning guns have no effect on getting guns. Why because criminals don’t care about legislation. So Republicans say, Stop and Frisk, but that doesn’t work because it is unconstitutional. Neither of them ask where are the guns really coming from and this is how to stop it. Well, is that possible? And if so, why haven’t it been stopped. For instance you have an inner city problem with guns that banning guns and frisking won’t fix. You see, how they get there is more corrupt, which is not a topic no one wants to delve in to. You have guns property of police departments and military in the hands of gangs in America.

Which leads into my next awakening which is the exchange of guns and money. Hmmm, oh I get it, the gangs get the guns, for selling drugs that is. The guns are confiscated during a bust, and the police showcase the guns with drugs on television and newspapers. The convicts go to jail and are forced into the business of the correctional facilities where a multinational corporation provide clothing, bedding, and food for the inmates. Well, stop it from getting to that point. You mean stop the guns used so drug dealers can perform their jobs. Or how about the drugs. Nearly 80% of cocaine has been known to come through the Port of Miami. If there is a real war on drugs, that port can’t be locked down? Over 70% of America’s Heroine comes from the middle east’s Golden Crescent. Yet we have thousands of US troops around these borders. And still no traction. Come on, these are not geniuses trafficking guns and drugs.

And no one knows anything. You mean the traffickers are one step ahead of government. Or maybe it’s because there is corruption. Which leads me to my third awakening, which is the corruptible behavior of our leaders. When you look at a city like Chicago, where the murder rate is high enough to rival third world countries, you go nothing can be done. But Chicago is also a city with it’s internal decision making problems as well. One that has stood out in the recent years was Ron Blagojevich trying to sell President Obama’s political seat in a corruptible move which landed him in prison. How can the city control street violence if men and women at the legislative level are under investigation? Leaders who the public trust to do their jobs.

Maybe it’s racism, maybe no one cares because the victims tend to be Black and poor. Well in the third paragraph I stated briefly how people see Trump as the catalyst for more racial tension. But in reality it has always been here; lying dormant within people. I know and understand that the only way for the system to intervene is if a young White female or male to get caught in a cross fire in Chicago, legislation would happen immediately. But that’s not just Trump, Hilary would call for swift action as well while not addressing the situation otherwise. And that is the difference between people who are awake and call themselves awake. We think there is specific party saving the masses, when in actuality they both play the same game.

Hilary is docile with her bull and Trump is loud. Her language as well as others like her is soft and his is more aggressive. Just because he says I don’t care doesn’t mean she does for not saying she doesn’t care. We believe in society that overt is wrong and silence means opposite. Yet I would rather know someone’s sentiment and make my decision than for them to remain quiet and cut me behind the scenes. But I guess we as a nation will continue to be lured in by language and not in addition to language watching the moves of decision makers as well.