MAKING THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM: WHY PARENTS HAVE TO LET GO AND LET LIVE

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“Eventually they have to go into the world on their own.”


When you are an infant, your parents job is to care for you. When you are a toddler, their job is to care for you. When coming through the early childhood stages, their job is to care for you. As an adolescent, they care for you just the same. But when it’s time for you to graduate from high school and enter the world, it’s hard for parents to let go. They are used to knowing how to care for you for so long, they think they know what’s best for you. Now, as someone with no children of course someone will say that I don’t know what I’m talking about. But here is where they are wrong.

Let’s say your parents feel they know what’s best for you. And theoretically, they would be telling the truth. They are your parents, they brought you into this world. And for that reason they know what’s best for their child/children. But there is a keyword in this explanation, and that is child/children. They may be your offspring, but they are not young anymore. It’s amazing that we feel that 18, 19, and 20 years of age is good enough to make decisions to join the military, but not what career to pursue. But let me explain the fundamental issue with choosing your child’s path.

And the issue is that of course you know what’s good for child; your child. Why, well because you have a laid out plan for them at a young age. You know the school they will attend, the appropriate food to feed them, clothes to wear, neighborhood where they will live, and the religion they will practice. But once they become adults and ask you what path to take, what courses, who to marry, where to live, and what job to take on; that’s when you hit a wall. Why do you hit a wall, because you don’t know what’s good for them in life. If you knew what was good for them, you would have a plan for them to walk through life.

The reality is that you don’t know what’s good for them once they become adults. It’s up to them to figure that aspect of life out on their own. You don’t know what career is best for them. You don’t know what steps they should take from 20’s into their 30’s, and beyond. All this time, you had a plan for them, yet soon as they become adults, you hit a wall. And that’s when you realize you don’t know what’s good for them. The fear sets in because your whole existence for 18 years has been them, now for the first time you feel helpless. But you are not helpless, your voice is still important.

Because in the end, you are still their parents. And even though you don’t know what’s good for them in life, there is still that love and support through life they need. You don’t know their strengths and weaknesses for a future career, but you can advise on what on what they might want to pursue. Help them find the thing that they are good at, and push to make them great.


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PARENTING: IS THERE A RIGHT WAY TO DO SO?

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“What is your style?”


Every parent, especially successful parents all have a style in which they raise their children. But no one has the best definition for how to parent their children. Some parents use the military style and others use a more lax form. From a household that comprises of a list of chores to a make your own decisions style. I myself was raised a little bit in the middle as it pertained to my mother’s style. She gave us strict rules to follow, yet also gave us freedom to make our own decisions as well. There were people who saw us as sheltered because they only saw the rules and others felt like we had so much freedom because of the openness of our household. But is there a right way to parent?

Some people feel that the lax way is giving your kid too much room. You let them make their own decisions and they’ll make the wrong decisions. This is why it’s your job to make the decisions for them. They don’t know what good decision making is, that’s your job. You point and their job is to go to wherever you point. When you say jump they shouldn’t say how high, they should already being in the process of jumping before the word jump leaves your mouth. These are the authoritarian parents who stand for no nonsense. They are the Tiger Moms who demand high academics and little to no fun activities. These parents feel that it builds a sense of responsibility and self control.

Now on the other hand, you have the parents who feel that a relax environment builds more character. They encourage creativity and self exploration. These parents want their children to grow up and choose to go on their own paths in life. A parent picking their children’s career, would be considered too invasive for these styles of parents. So testing the waters is more of their style. Let your kid make their own decisions and take the bumps and bruises early on in life. They will learn from these mistakes as well as you teaching them along the way.

Then, the third style of parents that are the middle people. And I think for the most part, a lot of parents are these types. They give their kids rules and also a life of their own. Give them a curfew, but also let them stay sometimes out late with friends. They let their children choose what’s for dinner as long as it is agreed upon with the rest of the family. These are the parents who give their child say on the college to attend, so long as it falls into the realm of the family’s finances. In the end, no one can define what good parenting is, but there are similar traits good parents have. We can tell a lot of times really bad parenting. But as long as there is a bond between the parent and child, it’s no one else’s business how you raise them.