COPING WITH LOSS: HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

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“We all cope in different ways.”


One of the hardest, if not the hardest moment of your life is losing a loved one. We all have these ideas of how we’re going to deal with the situation. We even go as far as purchasing insurance and putting together wills for when that time comes. But even with all the preparation it’s still a sudden blow to the family. So what is your way in which you have learned to cope with the death of a close family member? We all have our way of dealing. I know in my life time I have lost three close relatives: all three were my grandparents. And even though they were elderly, you’re never ready for them to go.

Some people become what I call the reclusive types. They go and hide, and no one sees them for a very long time. The sudden death is too much for them to deal with, so they have to get away. It takes these people sometimes years to gain the courage to visit the grave site of a loved one. And depending on how they died, it could really have taken a toll on reclusive people. In addition to the death and how the person died, reclusive people might also be a solitary type of person anyways. So the death just added to the further recluse behavior.

Now the other group of people who cope with death are the people known as the abusive types. These are people who usually deal with a lose by turning to some form of self-deprecating behavior. The harm to ones’ self can come in the form of drugs, sex, and/or alcohol. They are people who already have a hard time dealing with any minimal lose. Now they have to live with this major lose. So it wears down on them to the point they themselves become a detriment to their lives and people around them.

Now, another group of people are known as the spiritual types. They look at death and try to find the religious angle in coping. Their belief is that the person is somewhere better than here. The struggle in life is over and the person is on to something far more greater. And this coping mechanism makes it easier to deal with their own mortality. The end is a very terrifying realization, so to be able to look death in the eyes and deal with that, it’s quite uplifting. Yet, there is still one more group of people who cope with death that is different than the rest.

The last group are the types that fall under the category of realist. They are geared toward a less spiritual outlook. Thy tend to be more scientific in their viewpoint. They don’t abuse alcohol or substances, nor do they become recluse. These realist look at life and go, we all will die. The human body is only made to live 40 years, so the fact that we get 78 years is a miracle in disguise. Anything beyond 78 years and life is fair to this bunch; beyond fair. To these people, why asks for more, when there is so much greatness right here on Earth to experience.

In the end, we all have ways that we deal with death. I can’t say one person’s way is better than another way. It’s however you’re able to deal with death. I’ll say that if I were more of one than the others, I would be more of the recluse type. It’s a lot easier for me to look at death out of mind out of sight. Still thinking about the person, but place the death somewhat to the back of your mind. I’ll remember more good times than bad so I don’t have to deal with the constant death reminder.


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PREPARATION: HANDLING DEATH OF LOVED ONES

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“Are you ready?”

Most people take for granted that their loved ones will be here every single day. Are any us prepared for the loss of a relative? Are you ready for your child or parent to leave? I know asking about such a tough subject conjures up so many feelings. But the question is still open for being ready. But ready for what? We know that no one is ready to lose anyone, but what should you really be preparing for. You should be preparing for the cost associated with burying them, the emotional stress that comes with losing them, paying any debts the person left behind, and the moving on process.

Well, how should you ready yourself for when the person dies when burying this person. And I don’t mean burying them, I mean the cost associated with the death. Do you have the money in your will? Do you come from a family that could pay for a death? This is the initial problem people run in to if who are from a family that does not have the means. It can cost thousands of dollars to bury a relative. But that’s a lot of money for middle class to pay for, not to mention poor people.

But what about other financial concerns such as the debt that is associated with people who pass away. You see, their issues are over because they’re deceased and yours as their family is about to start. Why because if they have any outstanding debts you could be the heir to that debt. So hey, watch what you sign thinking the person has money in their will. You might wind-up in debt yourself trying to pay off their debts. Trust and believe that emotional loss could go away fast once you find out that person owes a boatload of money to debtors. But wait a minute, what about other problems associated with being ready for someone’s death.

What about the emotional concerns that come with hearing the initial news. How did we forget to include this one. How do you process the information that you have just heard? Sorry for your loss. Sorry, uh is that all sorry. I just lost someone close to me and that’s all I get is a sorry. But what can they say? But what about the person who breaks the news that you’ve lost your relative? Trust and believe that it makes them uncomfortable as well. So where do you go from here, which leads into the next concern of readiness.

The last stage would be the moving on process. How do you move on in the case that a person dies who is close to you? The day after the funeral, you might have to go to work. How do you deal with getting your life back in track? If you lose a cousin, aunt, or uncle, maybe it’s easier to move forward. But in the case of a  parent or even a child, it’s a lot harder to move forward. In the end, there is a preparation for death that is necessary. But how do you tackle this issue if the person is not sick. Whatever the case, you have to prepare because you never know what could come of the situation.