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“No still means yes, really?”

against her will

For eons, women have had to bare the grunt of being subjugated to sexual assault. Whether it’s on a job or even in their home lives; women have been targets for many sexual attacks. But what my question would be is if there is a real culture based around the idea that rape is alright to a certain extent. Because as men, we have an idea for what rape would be in our mind, but in a woman’s mind it could mean something different. Because to a woman, even if she thinks rape it can constitute as rape; which is a slippery slope when you’re a guy. But I am not even fully referring to that, I’m talking about a different type of culture in the mind of a woman.

playful assault

To a woman, when you’re being playful, she might be a little uncomfortable. You might be thinking, “Oh this is just fine, she’s just overreacting.” For example, walking up behind a female and giving her a hug when you are not in a relationship or close friends. That could be seen as uncomfortable and that woman could go into a space. She could go to a place in her mind that makes her feel violated. Now, if she is into you, then she may let it slide. That can be a tricky situation that you have to feel out, but can also put you in a position to make her feel uncomfortable as well. That’s why when you’re on a job, you have to be sure that you are not coming off as someone putting a woman in a weird situation. So when in doubt, be professional.

what is rape really?

Men in Hollywood over the past year have been losing their careers because of their sexual assault allegations from their female counterparts. Some cases have been force and others have been methods of coercion. But to a man, rape is holding a woman down against her will, and raping her. It is the way we have been taught rape is in our lives. No, no; rape if not sexual assault is trying to get a woman to sleep with you as a coworker where you’re above her in a position of power. She might sleep with you out of fear of losing her job, which can lead to you being in a situation. Sexual assaults can also be seen as a guy at a bar who won’t stop trying to get your phone number.


So what are the signs if you’re a guy of rape from a woman. It used to be force, or of course underage sexual contact. But now in today’s society, the lines seem to be blurred. And when you look in in the history of society, we have cultivated this environment that have made it difficult for women to exist without having to watch her back. And biologically, women are less physically built than men, so they are already in a vulnerable position. But the only way this can be dealt with is through progress.

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Image result for SANDBERG

“They need a push just as much as we do.”

us and them

In the United States, as with worldwide, men are encouraged in a different way than women. We are pushed out into the world sooner than women, and expected to take lead more than women. While women at young ages are told to stand on the sidelines and let men do the leading. The above photo is of COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg who wrote a book about this very topic. How women are not as encouraged as men, and why it’s harder for women to get raises on jobs like men. But is there just a social aspect to leading or is there a more biological reason why?

social reasons

When little girls are growing up, they are not encouraged to do as boys do. And I am not referring to going to school. I mean putting yourself in positions that get you hurt emotionally and at times physically. Then need to love ones self is not as strongly pushed so girls compare themselves to other girls in school and in the public eye. But we also never give girls the suck it up speech. When boys are young we’re told, “Shut up and suck it up,” “Deal with it.” You know as a guy early on that failure is apart of life because it’s been pumped into your head at such a young age. So when failure happens we charge it to the game. But girls, we cuddle them too much; treating them like they’re too delicate to handle hurt early on. Then women are tossed into the thralls of the world where people could care less and you get hurt. Now, taking lumps becomes new and a lot more difficult.


On the other hand, we not only have the social reasons as to why women are not pushed like men, but the natural reasons. Nature plays a role because when a women is more likely to want to share a position than hold the top spot. Not just in work places, but also in monogamous relationships. Men not only want the top spot, but we are completely content with the idea that there are people underneath us. Especially in cases of dating where we want to be the one in control. Yet it’s harder for women to respect and love a man where she takes the lead all the time. But for guys, we like the lead.

progression in time

Women have taken on roles more and more over the years. But still, we don’t encourage girls as much as boys. So boys are more than ready to step into the world because we deal with the lumps at an early age. We don’t force girls to take their lumps at an early age. Girls are not forced to take loses, and suck it up and deal. But boys are taught that dealing is apart of manhood, so learn it now to prepare yourself for adulthood.

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“Do they really want us like we think they do?”

When observing monogamous relationships, we seem to think that it is men and not women who have a hard time being tied down. But, who’s to say that women really want to be with us. Or who’s to say they want us all the time. Women are typically the more emotional ones in the relationship, so we think that women are these sweet and innocent beings that only want us. Me, growing up around a lot of women in my life, you have enough conversations with them and realize that aspects of the previous statements regarding women are not all the way true. Well, you ask, what aspects of women am I referring to.

One of the aspects I am referring to is the notion that men are more sexual than women. Men are supposed to be more apt to cheat, but I think women think just as much as men do about infidelity. The only problem is that social norms in society frown on women being more sexual than men. But social norms and who we are biologically as humans are different. Women are expected to suppress feelings because it is socially immoral. Yet the internal feelings say something different. Women see plenty of men that they are attracted to, and yet never make a move. Now, outside of social norms, men generally are more impulsive while women observe a situation. But that’s the not the autonomous number of women and men.

Another aspect of women not being able to be at times who they truly want to be with us is the choosing method. When choosing a man, women would really prefer to be with someone who they love that loves them. But society tells you to be with a guy of a certain financial and educational means. You may not even want to be with this person, yet they have on paper what you are taught you should want from a man. I have always wondered do women really care, or do they “HAVE” to make excuses. Because women usually say, he doesn’t have this and this, but he has this other quality. Why do women have to point out the greater of what he does not have to uplift what he does have that is considered the lesser to where he could be in life. This has to do with a space of judging as well as biological.

I say biological because there is something very attractive about us as men when we are productive members of society. But it’s even more attractive to women when we start from nothing and build ourselves to something. Then again, society, once again, dictates a lot of how we live our lives. Women are expected to make excuses for what a guy lacks by stating he doesn’t have this, but has this. At times she really want to say, I wish he had this and this, so I wouldn’t have to choose between to the two (Oh, and by the way, it goes both ways). They would love to say, “Why can’t I be with a man who is successful in his career and can please me sexually.” Why must I say, “It aint all about the sex.” In reality she wants the sex and the career.

You see, in the end, women are expected to be the better of the two of us. They’re expected to be the moral compass of the relationship. It further feeds into the ideology of the woman’s way is the right way. Yet, since when is anyone right all the time. Sometimes she want you to be right about something. But when you live in a society that makes you feel like you are the face for what is right and wrong, where do you find time to be human? You need someone to be right in cases where you are wrong. You would really like to be overt sometimes, but you’re always expected to be nonverbal and passive. I will say that times are a lot different than in the past. But we still, even in a modern era, expect women to be the greater morally & ethically and the lesser sexually & emotionally.



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Masculinity: Who Decides What A Man Is?


Image result for pink and blue

“What are the rules really?”

All my life I have heard the words coming from people’s mouths about what it means to be a real man. But who decides what that is suppose to mean? Yes, if you are born in this world, the sex of a baby is determined, but what is masculinity really? I went far as to use the above image to pose the question. Well, what does the colors pink and blue have to do with manhood. We look at the color pink as a softer, gentler color. It represents being more passive and less aggressive. The color blue represents more of a dominant trait and more aggressive. Maybe this is why we use pink and blue when we have children: pink for the girls and blue for the boys.

But who decided that this must be of symbolism? Better yet, who is to say a color represents ones’ dominance? When a child is born, both are fragile, both are gentle, neither is aggressive. So why are we placing color limitations on our young so early in life. It’s how we can determine the place in which to put men and women. The place meaning, what is for the girls is for the girls; what is for the boys is for the boys. So let’s start here and work our way into masculinity, childhood into adulthood.

When I was a child, I was into the norm: toy trucks, action figurines, building blocks, wrestling dummies, and toy guns. My two older sisters were into Barbie dolls, makeup kits, doll playhouses, Easy Bake ovens, and clipping out the clothing in fashion magazines. Yet I remember owning male action figures, but needed and opposite female companion. There weren’t any, so what the hell I used my sisters dolls. Whoa now! That is a red flag for some parents, but to me, I just saw toys I wanted to play with at home. I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I took my GI Joe and dressed Barbie in his clothes.” “Man, can you imagine, Barbie and GI Joe saving the world.

So here I am I’m flying around beating up bad guys, or lack there of with Barbie and GI. Little did I know, had people have seen me, there would have been some scolding to my mother. “You let that boy play with dolls?” Now of course I knew her reaction would have been a frown and a middle finger. But to me, I wasn’t harboring homosexual feelings, I just wanted GI to have a female sidekick. The same for when I saw my sister and her Easy Bake oven. I thought, “Hey, I want some cookies and brownies.” “I wonder if she would let me use her oven.”

Yet again, another red flag to a parent, but not a child. Adults are thinking feminine characteristics, but I’m thinking chocolaty snacks. Well, why didn’t I feel any kind of way. It’s because our sexuality is a development, not something we are endowed with at birth. And here we are again, what is masculinity and how do we come to these logical explanations. Then again, could adults be on to something, with Barbie and Easy Bake. No because by the time I was midway elementary school my attention was focused on sports all the way. So focused on sports that I didn’t even have a girlfriend until I was almost out of high school.

Uh oh, red flag again, no girls until eighteen. That’s a problem for a boy, or isn’t it. While some people theorized, to me I grew up in a poor community. So many guys were having multiple kids by multiple women, I didn’t want the headache at such a young age. Not once did I go, “I’m not a real man” or “Am I gay,” because my definition of responsibility is a question of my masculinity. When I look in the mirror I see something I like, but not in another man. I have attraction in women. But it wasn’t until I became an adult I observed more about masculinity and gender views.

When you date, it’s more masculine to ask the woman out on a date. It’s more masculine to pay for the date. And it’s more masculine for you to initiate the sex. And if you are a man who don’t fall into these equations you’re not worthy of being called a man. But who set forth these boundaries and are they more limiting and hurtful than helpful. Does a man asking out a woman all the time mean a woman should remain alone until someone speaks to her first. Think about how lonely of an existence it is for her to be in this construct as well.

What if you’re a guy who don’t have much money, you should never date? And if you want to date, should you break the law if you have to just to get the adulation of a woman? Time and time again we ask ourselves these questions because as a man you are constantly put in positions to question manhood. It could be something as simple as wearing a small article of clothing, to how you eat your food, the music you listen to, and even your world views. Where do these social norms come from and who decides what’s a man or not?

I am a firm believer that if at every turn you’re constantly trying to make sure your masculinity is good, then inevitably it’s not in check. But as a man, can you blame some guys. Everything we do is scrutinized in society regarding our masculinity. Maybe I don’t care much because I’m close to thirty years old. The older you get the less people’s opinions matter. In the end there are things that never will change. No matter how much time goes by, as a man we are just expected to act a certain way and do certain things. Luckily, the myths that question manhood and sexuality are rapidly being laid to rest. Laid to rest as nothing more than antiquated rhetoric than has actually hurt more than helped men.