SHAMEFUL ABUSE: HOW SOME COUPLES USE ABUSE AS A TERM OF ENDEARMENT

angry, argument, attack

“Some people fight to stay together.”


Abusive relationships are a very divisive conversation, but what about the abusive relationships where people are comfortable with abuse. And what do I mean by a comfortable situation. I mean couples who have an understanding regarding their relationship. They argue and fight and it’s something that they accept. Other people might look at it and judge them for doing so, but it is completely normal to them. Now, with that said, it could easily be seen as unhealthy, and it is. But what is considered unhealthy in a relationship. Because there are some taboos that are seen as not being normal, but it is that couples’ thing in their relationship.

For example, some people have what is deemed as strange sexual behavior in the relationship. That might be seen by the dominant society as strange and unusual, but to them it is normal. It only becomes unhealthy once the thing that makes this relationship tick becomes dangerously physical. Yet, some still feel that in the mental state certain behaviors are not normal. But who are we to say what is normal or abusive if it is that couples’ sexual thing. Don’t get me wrong, it may be Unorthodox, but it works for them. But is sexual the only way people may exemplify behavior that goes against relationship norms.

No, some people actually in engage in physical fights. This can be dicey because if someone is assaulted it is grounds for prosecution in a court room. Because this may be how a couple communicate, but it is still against the law. It will be treated as a criminal case and not as how this couple get along with each other. For instance, former NFL player Ray Rice was caught on a hotel surveillance camera punching his wife in the face. He tried his best to separate himself from the situation, but he was unsuccessful. He wound up out of the NFL and without a job. Because what was caught on the camera is not just a knee jerk reaction. There is an aspect of that relationship where that form of abuse works for them.

You may wonder, who would build a relationship where punching someone is part of the deal. But some people have their way of communicating. You have relationships that argue and some that fist fight. In the end, whatever the way you communicate, it is only deemed wrong once people start getting hurt. Otherwise, what you do in private is between you and that person you are with.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

Advertisements

YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT: BLACK PEOPLE AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE POLICE

Related image

“Why we fight.”

The Black community and the law enforcement have been at odds for decades in this country. But, unless you live among the problems, it’s quite hard to fully understand where it comes from. It’s easy to point out through the history with slavery and Jim Crow. But this goes far beyond those points in time in history. Are there any other issues that lead to this tumultuous relationship? I can name a few reasons as to why the police and the Black community have a history of bad blood. And not for reasons that we tend to talk about in the news.

One of the reasons has to do with the ethnic makeup of the police. Black and White people in America have had this history of mistrust in this country. That history goes back a few centuries that has gotten better, yet still exist. So now you look at the police and it is not a reflection of the community in which they’re serving. And to add to it, you have this Black community, and an all White police department. So old wounds are opened, even if the police are good cops. But why do the police themselves have issues with serving in these communities. It has to do with the police officers not living in the environment.

A lot of these cops who are White not only don’t live in the community, but they didn’t grow up here. For most of them, these are typically young White men, who grow up in neighborhoods totally different than the ones they’ll be policing. Not just the ethnic, but the cultural landscape is typically different than where they grew up as well. From the style of dress to the vernacular of the people who live in the area. And on top of it all, the attire has typically been criminalized. So guys are coming in with already their own mindset of the people that live there. But, there is another reason as to the issues between the police and the Black community.

Another issue is the fact that people within these communities never admit it, but tend to take issue with White authority. You may ask, what does that mean? Well, perception tends to cause a lot of problems. Because a police officer may state to someone in the community to do as you’re told. But how it’s interpreted, is seen as racially condescending. Is it that, most likely not, but that comment goes from zero to sixty fast. Because the officer sees it as not following authority, but the individual sees it as subversive racism. When these are the thoughts going through someone’s mind, it’s a wonder more incidents don’t take place.

In the end, there can’t be a society where the law enforcement and the community it protects is at odds. The police are not just community protectors, but are also first line of defense in case of a terrorist attack. So there has to be some form of coming together so that people and the police are not at odds.

AMERICAN DREAMS: THE TRUTH OF WHY WE WORK

Image result for DAILY GRIND

“Why we are so romanticized with the baller lifestyle?”

Wake up at 7:00 A.M., and go get into the shower. Get dressed and prepare yourself for work. Leave the house by 8:00 A.M., and embark on your commute to work everyday. Get to work by 8:30 A.M. to 8:45 A.M. Do your usual hellos to your coworkers and get settled in. Work until 12:00 P.M. when you take your lunch break. Come back from lunch at 1:00 P.M. Work until 5:00 P.M. and leave work for the day. Get home by 6:00 P.M. so you can start cooking dinner. After dinner, you lie your head down at around 9:30 P.M./10:00 P.M.

The previous is 5 days per week. Hang out Friday night, slack off Saturday, and prepare next week on Sunday. All that has been stated is the definition of the real world. All those hopes and dreams of being this baller; living in a palatial mansion is a fallacy. Well why, why do so many live this daily mundane grind. For starters, a lot of people underestimate the time one must spend to get to that next level. And when I say next level, this could be ambiguous. The next level for some might be moving from poverty to middle class. And others it could be from middle to upper middle. But what about upper class. What about your dreams: the 10,000 sq. foot mansion with a fleet of luxury cars in the driveway, and a state of the art interior living space. In addition, what about your private Lear Jet which will take you to St. Tropez for the weekend.

Ha! What a joke. That lifestyle is possible, but like I said before, people underestimate the time it takes to climb. They don’t understand that working 8 hours per day, 5 days a week won’t get you there. They don’t realize that after everyone else goes home you must be still working. While they are in deep sleep, you are just about to lie down. But here is the kicker, you must wake when they do, if not before. So instead of the working 40 hours per week and sleep 56 hours per week. You are really working 63 to 100 hours per week and sleeping 35 hours. You must be thinking; WHAT THE HELL! 100 HOURS; GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

But we call this the grind. Some people say, “I worked 6 hours today; #grinding.” Or they’ll say, “Did like 30 hours of work this week; #hustle.” Let me explain my daily regimen. I awake at 5:00 A.M., out the house by 5:30 A.M.. Walk sometimes, yep walk, to work which starts at 7:00 A.M. Get off the first part time job at 11:00 A.M. Afterward I am in the computer lab until 10:40 P.M. Sometimes I have a double shift from 2:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M.; or a 3:00 P.M. to 8:00 P.M. then back to the lab until 10:40 P.M. When the week is done I usually have about 25 hours to 30 hours of a part time job. But my grind is well over 50 hours pursuing filmmaking and writing my books. So, I am typically working a good 80 plus hours in a week.

That means I do more in one week than you will in two. Why is that, because I understand something a lot of people my age don’t and that is that this American Dream everyone talks about is a heavy grind. Well, why is it so heavy. Uh, you don’t think you can work 40 hours per week and excel through the ranks, right. No, no, no; you must be still working while everyone else is relaxing. So by the time they realize it, you’re way past them. But it’s more than just talking about it, you have to put in the work. And this is the part where people fall flat.

This all sounds stressful, but why is it so hard when it looks so easy. Because that is the game, to make you think it’s easy. You can conquer the world. You can be successful beyond your wildest imagination. But the time will wear and tear on the average Joe. You see the internet has really shown us where we are in our lives. In the past, you had to seek out people to know where you stand financially. But now, one click in a Google search engine, and you are able to see how broke you really are in comparison to others. And this is the problem.

You see, America was not designed for everyone to be a baller. Don’t get me wrong, it’s possible, but highly improbable. America was designed to get a middle class paying job, pay your mortgage, car note, and feed your family. Then once your children went off to college, aid them in expenses. So, a strong America is a nation in the middle. Few poor, and a healthy amount rising into the upper class and there you have it. Entertainment has also added to the illusion because you go, “Wait a minute, Jennifer Lawrence was like 22 years old when she hit big with Hunger Games. But what you don’t see is the over 10 years she put in while other children were out playing.

And in the end, there you have it. We are disillusioned about our lives because we look at highly successful people in the now. And the now is the problem because we didn’t see the struggle on the way up. Just understand something, attempt the climb and make the journey. Scary thing is, there are no guarantees of success with all the grind. You may give it your all and still fail. No one wants to fail, but in order to win, you gotta be all in.

Fight or Flight: Are You A Coward To Run

Should you question someone’s bravery if they run away in a time of crisis? What if you are witnessing an elderly woman being mugged? Do you involve yourself or do you keep walking? Not an easy decision especially if the person is armed and dangerous. Like come on now, how can expect people to put their lives on the line for complete strangers. It’s easier said than actually done. But what about in other cases. What about the case of a bank robbery or a mass shooting? Or even something more sinister like a high level terrorist attack.

There have been some times I have observed a fight or flight moment in our society. And when I say observed I mean pawed over a situation that took place in society I heard about. Case in point, some of these theater shootings. There were guys who took bullets for their girlfriends, but one man even left his crying baby and wife. People ridiculed him for leaving his family. And if that wasn’t enough, a random teenager came to his wife’s aid, even getting shot himself in the process.

We as a society are so quick to attack, but how many people wouldn’t do this. I’m willing to bet you that the main people who judged the man leaving his family would have done the same. So when we look in the world, how does one become the stand and fight or flight & run away. I think it all depends on the situation.  In the case of a major terrorist attack, everyone is in the process of flight, except a few chosen individuals. I don’t think these people who fight are the bravest people, you just don’t know what you’ll do until the time comes.

There were people for instance in New York’s City’s World Trade Center attacks, who would have never thought they would risk their lives for others, died assisting people from the twin towers. So does that mean the person is less admirable because under normal circumstances they may have run to save themselves. No, it’s a fight or flight situation. Heroism is not like the movies, it’s almost like a knee jerk reaction for people to jump into action and come to others aid. As much as we have our differences as people, we are quick to assist each other because humanity kicks in.

But does that mean those who flight are any less human? No, they are not. That is a human response to fear as well. So ultimately, what is it that makes some people stay and help and others maintain their self-preservation? My best guess is there must be something that triggers in each individual man or woman which forces us to respond to a crisis. I don’t see it as who is less or more heroic, but a chemical reaction in our brains. In the end, I admire people who throw themselves into the situation, yet not knowing what the outcome might be. But I also understand those who run away to save themselves because it triggers fear that we all internally have.