COURTING: HOW RELATIONSHIP UNIONS HAVE CHANGED OVER TIME

Photography of Couple Holding Hands

“Where have we gone wrong?”


dating norms

In life, we all want to meet that right person. But in a society where so much has changed, how do you go about meeting that right one? Because dating is not what it used to be in the old days. There was a process one had to go through before you were able to date. And that process always by way of the man getting grilled.

You had to qualify yourself for a date with a woman before even actually really getting to know her, but her family. That’s right, mom and dad had to have the final say. And then you were able to go on that date. And don’t even think about asking for sex. You were lucky to get  peck on the cheek, if that much.

process of the past

When you look at the past the steps you had to go through as follows:

Introduction
  • When you were a guy interested in a woman in the distant past, you had to first introduce yourself to the girl’s parents. Mainly, you had to let the girl’s father see you. And that doesn’t mean a date, it just means you’re interested so he knows.
Parental Discussion
  • Here is the part where the girl’s parents sit her down and they have a discussion with her. Asking her questions regarding who the boy is, and where is he from. Sometimes the girl acted as if she didn’t know, but she knew. And that would lead to the next step.
Parental sit down
  • This is the part where the boy is sat down in the house and asked a series of questions. Who is your kin? Where do you live? What does his parents do for a living? What is his intentions?
Parental Permission
  • And finally you get a chance a to go on that date, but you first have to get it cleared as the guy with your family. And they have to assess if its ok as well.
Date Night
  • And finally, the date night. Which is not really a date night because it’s at a well lit place. Usually you’re eating at a diner where there are people who know your family. And there is a time restriction for how long you be out.

the new norm

The new ways in which we date have taken on new meaning. Now online dating is all the rage, and you don’t have to meet a woman’s family. You just have to approach and if she is with it then, what the hell, you guys date. Only problem is that women come in contact with more problem today because of the changes.

Whereas you had to meet dad in the past, that doesn’t exit today. But things always change and take on new meanings. And dating is no different; but what will inevitably come of all this change.


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LET ME UPGRADE YOU: WHAT IS DATING UP TO YOU

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“Come talk to me when you’re on my level.”


In an American society where commerce dictates so much of how we live and how we behave, how does this commerce relationship we have in this country effect our dating lives? For men, you know what you have to bring if you’re going to be living in this capitalistic based society. And as for women, you’re steady trying to find that guy who you see as your equal or above. But when you are a man in this country it can be a tougher go. You know you have to be in a certain place in your life by a certain time. Women can live with their parents and still demand from men the same things as a woman with her own form of success. With that said, what are the thoughts on dating up? Because dating up is more of a woman’s viewpoint, but for men only under certain circumstances.

Women have to date up; why well it’s simple. So many men are trying to get with you, whether to be in a relationship or just for sexual intercourse. So you have to more picky, and there is a lot more thought that goes into choosing a guy. And the prettier the woman, the harder it is for her to find a potential mate. Because the pool of men who want to be with you is even higher. Unlike men, who see this as an opportunity to date around because we have so many options, for women it can be harder because of so many options. So when a woman does choose a guy, he’s going to have to really step up, especially if she is a woman that’s used to guys at a certain level trying to talk to her. Now that does not necessarily translate into just finances, it’s that and more. But are there times when men have to upgrade as well. We, unlike women, don’t have to, but there are those that do.

When it’s time for men to upgrade, we have to do so when finances are involved. Because to us marriage is an investment that only we can lose for the most part financially. So when a man becomes financially successful, he becomes that pretty girl. And that’s when he starts to be extra selective with the women that he dates. He has to learn to sense out the very things that women have to sense out about men when choosing. Because just like with every man trying to get with a woman, so many women look at you as this total package. But not all of them are worthy, so you have to shuffle through the plethora of women like women do us. See, in the end, finding that person you feel is on the level you want them to be is important to so many. As a matter of fact, it is more important now than any other time period prior. But if finances is that one thing you’re trying to seek out alone as a woman it will be harder to find; jut like we as men can’t just chase a woman for aesthetics purposes only.


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THE RELATIONSHIP TAGLINE: HOW WE AS MEN HAVE SHIFTED OUR LANGUAGE TO APPEASE WOMEN

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“We say it, but do we feel it?”


“I want a woman with her own money, and dreams, and everything else she wants that society says I should want from a woman.” This is the tagline that every guy is supposed to say when asked what he wants from a woman in a relationship. But do you really mean every word that comes from your mouth, or are you just saying that to get in good with women? Because if you’re just trying to get on her good side, she’ll peep your game out sooner or later. Then she’ll hate you more for wasting her time than if you were just honest to begin with; so why. Why do we say we want all these things from a woman in society, yet when we get these things that we say we do, we run from women. It’s an act that woman define as a weakness in men, and it is if you’re looking at it from the standpoint of what we say we want from women.

Only problem is, is that in today’s society, we are carrying this tagline because it’s what women want to hear and necessarily what they should hear from us. I’m not saying that men want a woman who does nothing for herself in life, but it is not to the extent to which we speak in society. But when you don’t say who she is and what she’s doing is important to you, we’re attacked for not caring. So what we have done as guys, is that we lie to women, but not with our words. Women tend to be better communicators verbally then we are as men. So when birthdays and holidays come around, we do things for women because it means something to you. Not always because it means something to us; Valentines Day comes around, you as that woman get two dozen roses. Why, well because it means something to you. Women react to these actions, and sometimes get hurt in the process.

So why is it so hard for men besides the societal aspects to be up front and honest about what we really want from women. And the reason comes from watching women’s likes and dislikes, then behaving according to what they demand and not who we are as a person. Meaning, she wants monogamy, but you want to just date different women. Instead of you passing on the relationship, you play boyfriend, and you’re not boyfriend material. So when it’s time to go to the next level, you remove yourself from the equation, or make her break up with you so you can avoid the commitment. So what is that men want, simple, have your life. Real men are not intimidated with your success. Have your career, hang with friends, but here is where it gets sensitive: do what I say do at some point in time how I want it done and tend to my needs as well.

And that’s when the problems start, since women of today translate that into control. “Do what I say do!” “What do you mean by that!” That’s when the conversation falls flat, not because he really wants to control you. Men are typically not good verbal communicators, so instead of stating the context of what you mean, you further bury yourself by lacking verbal communication. Meaning, do what I say do, isn’t jump when I say jump. It simply means, you have times where your word is law, and I have mine. And this is a particular moment in time when my word should mean something. It’s not control, it’s a reciprocal relationship. And in the end, that’s who men are, but societal standards are such today where you have to lie and give women a tagline. But eventually, she’ll believe in the verbal content and behavior. Yet if you’re not that guy, she’ll hate you more for not being honest in the beginning.


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MEN AINT ISH: UNDERSTAND HOW THIS STATEMENT REFLECTS ON YOU.

“Know what you’re saying when you say it.”

“These men today ain’t worth nothing.” This is the statement made by so many women in today’s society. They walk about society with the feeling that so many men in our country have lost a sense of chivalry. That being a gentleman has been replaced with the idea that having more women is better than one. Well, what is it; is there something to what is being said about us as men? Or is it just smoke being blown into the air? Nothing more but just more complaining about what men won’t do. I have a few theories as to the real reason this is taking place.

First off, when women say men are lame, think about what you’re saying. And what I mean by that is men don’t approach just anybody. Now, I know you’re thinking, that’s not true.  Yes, you’re right, initially it’s ecstatic. But when it comes to trying to date, you’re wrong. There are two reasons why this guy is talking to you. One is that he sees an aspect of himself in you. The other is that you are a vessel for bullshit. You are a safe haven for his irresponsible. He sees this and tries his best to maneuver his way into the situation.

Well, if true, how come it happens over and over again? The answer to that is that you are an insane person for starters. What do I mean by insane? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome. Yes, you may meet one, two, even three, but after this you should start to notice a pattern. My best guess is that you do see a pattern in the guys you date. Whatever your reason for keep getting the same guy each time, it’s not a conspiracy. There is something in this person you like, or something you’re hiding.

Which brings me to my next theory as to why women are getting in unhealthy situations with guys. Women are taught that they make guys better. Now if you meet a guy, and he’s already in a good position, where does that leave you. Or better yet, to an extent you are choosing bad. Because if you choose bad and it goes bad, then hey, what did you have to look forward to anyways. But if you choose good and it goes bad, people start to look at you like the lemon in the situation. It hurts the whole mindset that you make me better because now everyone is looking at you like how did you loose this situation.

In the end, women are emotional. And a lot of times you say things in the moment that you feel mean something. Then once you break it apart, there is some logic missing. And the logic is that there are too many people on Earth for there to be so many not good guys. Mathematically it’s not possible. But when you purge yourself of all feeling, the reality comes out. Whatever the case, when you make profound statements, just be able to rationally explain what you mean.