CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM VS. OPINIONATED CONVERSATION: HOW TO GIVE ONE AND NOT THE OTHER

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“Know when you’re helping, know when you’re not.”


I love when someone brings insightfulness to me regarding something I am working on that could make my work better. Some bit of advice that I can take and run with toward the success that I want out of life. But there is a far cry between constructive criticism and someone giving some empty opinionated reason why they don’t like something you have done. There are skill that come with providing people with knowledge that is constructive. Meaning when you criticize, make sure you have a legitimate idea to make something better. Don’t just say I don’t like it. Otherwise, not only are you not helping, but you might make the situation worse.

Now, remember before I said there is a skill that comes with giving criticism. There is a way to approach telling someone that their idea is no good without telling them it’s no good. But remember also I said that you should provide a way to make it better. Meaning, let’s say you’re running a fast food restaurant, and you get two criticisms. The first person says the food sucked, and they had an awful time. This is not good enough insight into the restaurant. Then the other person say that my steak was not all the way cooked when I wanted it well done, and when I expressed my grievances the customer service showed little to no interest in aiding me. You see, one criticism is more direct than the other.

Now, here is another aspect of the criticism that is tricky to notice. There are people who will give you in depth criticism, yet it starts to play in the arena of petty. And these are the knick-picky people who will find any reasons to kill and idea. For example, they will do things like pick a word from a written piece of your material. Then they’re give a long drawn out excuse as to how you used the word in the wrong context. They’ll write this in a passive aggressive manner to undermine your accomplishments. Or, they’ll use big words that not even they use on a daily basis just to make themselves appear knowledgeable. So people can read with adulation, like, “Wow, they sure do have a base of vocabulary.

But, as I said earlier, there need to be a way to make things better. Even if you are a critic, you should have your criticism. But make sure to imply that it would have been great if  they would have done blank. Then you leave the possibility of the person reading and gaining some insight for the next time they are working on a project. People who don’t provide a way, even if the criticism is constructive, can quickly find themselves in the empty rhetoric category that is opinionated commentary. Learn to decipher between those that want to see you do better and those that could care less.

In the end, there are people who will always have something to say about your work. Whether it’s constructive or not, they’ll have something. And you just have to learn that it comes with the territory. Not everyone is going to like what you do. Some it’s about taste and preference and others it has to do with not liking you and your work. Whatever the case, believe in your own work and keep pushing forward. Yet, once you allow it to stifle your growth, then you have lost the fight.


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I CAN’T FIND A MATE! NO, YOU CAN’T FIND WHAT YOU WANT!

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“Are we worth what we ask for?”

I can’t find anyone! I’m tired of being with these losers! Is there anyone out there for me! These are some of the complaints men and women have when looking for someone to be in a relationship. Well, why is it so hard? Is it because there are so many people out there not worth your time? Or is it that people are overreacting and that it’s not as bad as we think? There are a few theories that I have for this issue. Maybe it has to do with the person you want not wanting you.

We all have someone in our minds that we want. But if you are not what the other person wants then you’re at a lose. Then we get defensive, what’s wrong with me. Well what’s wrong with the other person. Meaning I know I am everything somebody wants, but you are not what’s on my list. Whose to say you got it all together. Just because you think you got things right don’t mean you do. For instance you are a woman with a nine to five, with your own car, home, and responsibilities. But if I am a guy who wants more from you, you may see it as unrealistic, but you are unrealistic as well.

Which brings me to my second theory. We all think our expectations are realistic. But we dismiss those who we see as not on our level. And a lot of times it is connected to finances. She makes $75,000 he makes $30,000; not on her level. He makes $200,000 she makes $75,000; a good fit. But wait, you’re not on his level. Our levels come down to finances because living in society can be expensive. So we want this relationship to work from living in such an environment. Meaning, expectations living in NYC could be different than living in Cleveland; expectations for Miami are different than Des Moines. Then there are the social aspects of expectations.

This is now my third theory for why we can’t find someone to be with; societal viewpoints. People in society have a major impact on how we choose the men and women we date. Because God forbid we walk the streets with someone that America won’t like (as if they care about our existence). So if we come outside and society can’t look in adulation, then it must not be capable of working. But have we taken a look in the mirror ourselves. Which leads into the next theory.

Physical attraction is another reason why we can’t find anyone. You close your eyes and picture a person. Then that is what you want, but what about you. Do you look at yourself as desirable? Too often we look at someone and go you are not my type, but get defensive when our looks are on trial. Why is it so easy to critique others yet no one can do it with us? My guess is that we seek out attractive people because we know how we look. Yet we want to take the faces from our flaws onto the person we are with who looks good.

In the end, the reason we have it hard is because we want what we want. You see there is somebody for us all, but it’s not who you want. We want to dismiss so many, but we don’t want to deal with rejection ourselves. I don’t think it’s all bad at times. As humans we all want to shoot for what we feel is the highest height. But we should also strive to be what we want. You want a woman or man in physical body shape, do the same yourself. You want a certain income, be able to rise to the occasion as well. And that’s what it boils down to, be what you want.