SEEKING VALIDATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-RESPECT

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“You don’t need, you just want to fit in so bad.”


Throughout my life, I never understood the need people have to fit in. And I don’t mean fitting into a society as a human. I mean fitting into these peer groups so that we don’t feel like we’re being left out. We would rather belong to a group that dictates how we live than to be free and be alone. Because who wants to live this life alone. But there is a far cry between being alone and lonely. Celebrities have people all around them and at times they are lonelier than those with no one around. So why do people feel like they need to fit it rather than treating it as a want.

It starts when we are young in school. The children ostracize you from the group if you are awkward. And what is defined as awkward is the kid that does not do what all the other kids are doing. So if you are a kid that walks to the beat of your own drum, you’re a loser. You’re a lame for not wanting to fit into the construct. The kids talk about you and laugh like you’re one of the weird kids. But this does not stop at childhood. It continues on into your teenage years and into adulthood. So we as adults say school bullying is wrong and then bullying takes on a new form once you become adults. People start to play with your head on a more business level. But we still have not gotten to the depths of why it matters to be validated so much.

And the reason being is that we as humans yearn for some form of companionship. And at times we are willing to subjugate ourselves to torment for that companionship. Because we all have these self-conscious feelings internally that we don’t want exposed to the world. This feeling that if we are exposed then no one will want to ever be around us. Yet if we all have it, no one can talk about anyone else. Then again, internal shame keeps us in check and adhering to each other. Maybe at a young age I was a different type of kid. Then again I am a different type of adult. And as an adult people respect you for who you are, not what you’re trying to be.

See, in the end, validation is proof that you are who you think you are; but only by way of how others see you. So you’re the greatest when people love you, and not so great when they reject you. Your identity should be your identity, not someone’s else’s vision. And what’s even more interesting, people, who are heads of these peer groups do as they wish. The more popular person sets the tone for everyone else. Which is a reality that we see throughout life. The head says something, and even if we disagree, we agree for the sake of fitting into the group.


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CHANGE THE LANGUAGE, BUT NOT THE CONDITION: HOW AMERICA PUTS YOU BACK INTO SITUATIONS

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“We change the language, but not the condition.” – George Carlin


Diversity, diversity, diversity!! That’s all we hear into today’s society. We must be impartial and open to different ethnic groups and cultures. But are we really as diverse as we think we are in America? We put this image out there that we must embrace everyone, but do you really want to embrace everyone. You really want to be honest and say that certain groups of people make you uncomfortable. Yet if you do, it makes you sound just as aggressive as the people you fight against. So what is the real face of diversity? And how does it have an effect on people who believe in the diversity?

Well, I was in attendance at a high school graduation not long ago and I heard a key not speaker say that they were a very diverse school. Now looking into the crowd, I myself didn’t see much diversity. But the guy started talking, and the more he talked the more I picked up on the problemImage result for un flags that is looming beneath the language. The entire audience was predominantly White males and females. But the problem wasn’t a predominantly White audience, it was the deeper issue with the guy’s language. He said that we have a diverse student body of kids from Italy, France, Germany, Australia, and Spain. And I thought to myself, “What the White men and women in America come from where, outer space.”

And that’s when it hit me, that this diversity push is merely a way of creating new language, but the same construct. Because Black and White in America Related imageare not real ethnic groups, they are constructs. So you can’t say all White school, but you can say student body of Italian, French, and German. But that is what “White People” are in America. French, Germans, Italians, English, and Irish families who came to this country a century or so ago. So this is what we have done in America. Let’s take all these new, “White People,” from different parts of Europe, that are ethnically the same as the ones in America, and instead of White, let’s lead in with their respective countries. It’s only changing the language, but the construct is still the same.

Diversity is Jamaican, Puerto Rican, Indian, German, Iranian, Chinese, Russian, Kenyan, in a classroom. But see, that’s too real, so let’s get the same of what has always been and change the language. And what you do is put people right back in the same situation as the past. I spoke about this in the past  Related imageregarding the neighborhood of Harlem changing parts of its name. SOHA, meaning Southern Harlem, becomes such so that the “White People” moving in don’t have to be attached to the “Black People” already there; calling the new neighborhood name change trendy. All the while, anti-Trump posters hanging up and cultural acceptance signs are everywhere. Real diversity is not removing a group, but bringing what you have to add, on top of accepting what’s already present.

Fact of the matter is, you don’t want to accept it, furthermore, you want to destroy, even more than the people you’re fighting against. So instead of Related imageWashington Heights where a lot of the Dominican population live in New York City, let’s call it Upper Manhattan. I’m coming in with my LGBT acceptance, and anti-racism signs, and anti-Trump movement, yet I carry more disdain than the opposition. This is what is being carved out into Image result for lgbtthe American landscape. And what is taking hold is a new fight; the immigrant population of the same groups here from the old country, and the people who have been here for centuries from the old countries. But this new change is just a hybrid of the old way, making people who want to stay old fashioned feel bad, yet the new is adopting all the old stuff.

And in the end, that’s my problem with this new change in America. It’s not real change, not real love, it’s not real diversity. The people who are now in charge are saying all the right buzz words and not doing the right things, yet they’re still in charge. And it’s these people who want to chastise the populace, behaving the same as the populace. And this is how Trump became our commander in chief. Our dishonesty has become so strong, even the stuff he says that he shouldn’t feels good because it comes from a perceived real place.


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ACCEPTANCE VERSUS TOLERANCE: HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE RESPECTED

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“I want love by choice not force.”


In America today, more than ever we are stressing the tolerance of other groups of people. People who you may not agree with, yet you leave them to their own devices to be them. Me on the other hand, I have a different view of the topic at hand. Me myself, I would rather be accepted than to be tolerated in America. What is the difference between being accepted and tolerated? To accept someone is to celebrate them in all they have to give. To tolerate someone is to only accept them by means of force. We push people to have tolerance while acceptance is more pure. Why is this so important today?

Because with the introduction of our new Commander and Chief Donald J. Trump, people feel like he’s very insensitive to certain ethnic groups. Mainly people in the Middle Eastern communities and Hispanics. But when I hear people say that they tolerate a group of people it’s still similar to saying you’re not fond of a group of people. Now, let’s not get that confused with hate. Notice I said it is similar, but not the same. And I say similar Woman in Blue Hijabbecause the similar reasons he disagrees with a group is the similar reasons why people tolerate a group. For example, he says we need to vet countries where radical Islamic extremists are coming from entering the United States. Then people say I disagree with how Islam treats it’s women, yet I tolerate their culture.

You’re similar in that your feelings toward them are strong, maybe not on his level, but it’s there. It’s harder to say you accept Islam because you do disagree with some of its principles. Yet no one wants to think they agree with him on any level. But let’s be clear, is it people who accept and or tolerate communities that they gentrify. No, the goal is to remove those living their and make way for their families. This is on par with the same racial sentiment you’re accusing the president of conducting himself in, in our country. See, I have a different perspective on the whole acceptance versus tolerance belief. Like I said before, I would much rather be celebrated because it’s pure.

Now here is something interesting I can share with you regarding the acceptance. People treat you in the manner in which not only you carry yourself, but how you think someone else sees you. So you are hurt when not accepted because you’ve based your identity off of someone who ultimately does not respect you. And if you’re seeking validation from someone that does not respect you, they’ll see it and use it against you. Still, people fight for the tolerance. Then again, is all tolerance bad? Am I looking at this tolerance word with too much conviction? Let’s analyze the other side.

Tolerance is me not accepting something you say or do, a practice you are conducting yourself in, but I can still respect you enough to not hate you. Meaning, I believe you can be tolerant to gay marriage, yet not hate gays. I don’t believe you should have the choice in them getting married and I Image result for rainbow flagdon’t condone violence against someone living how they choose to live. But I don’t think we should live in a society where are forced to agree. And as long as we can disagree and continue, there is nothing wrong with opposing. Now, with that viewpoint you won’t reach everyone, but as long as people know where you stand, that is key.

In the end, knowing where people stand is the tough part. We live in a country where everyone says the right thing. And a lot of that comes from fear of losing something. So we are becoming a nation where we teach each other how to lie to one another. I don’t want you to lie about how you feel toward me. And if you don’t like something, express your right to not be involved in what the person is doing. Because using means of force will only result in more conflict and further alienation.


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