WHY WE LIE: MEN AND OUR INABILITY TO TELL WOMEN THE TRUTH

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“I blame us for them not knowing.”


Women have so many questions as to why men act the way we act and talk the way we talk. But what about why we refuse to be honest with women. Well, a lot of us as men are afraid to be honest because we fear the rejection. We don’t want to give women any reason to say no. So what do we do, we tell them what they want to hear so we can get what we want. But is it always that simple, an in and out exchange. Sometimes it is, and other times we do it because we flat out don’t know what to say to women.

Well, let’s break down a little more why we lie. You see, initially, we look and see a woman for the physical. It is an ecstatic attraction right off the back. Then, the next goal is sexual, while a woman is the opposite. But we can’t come out and say that, yet women know to a certain extent that’s what you want. So you start to develop relationships not just to sleep with the woman, but you’re still in the sexual mode. Yet you build the relationship nonetheless. So why? Why do you continue to build if you came for the physical situation?

We continue to build because even as sexual as we are because in all, most humans are good people. Yet we also have this natural aspect to us that makes us want more. We want to act as if we are higher than the animal kingdom, but we are the same. The reason it’s so hard for us to communicate what we are is also because we have this conscious. The animal aspect about us is tough to talk about because that feeling has been determined to be problematic and not accepted in society. Meaning, we can’t come out right and say what we really feel because we are supposed to filter that emotion and say the right things. But we know that it is a true feeling.

In the end, we have a hard time being honest because of the social construct that won’t allow you to do so.  But it also has to do with a natural aspect of us that we have a hard time communicating because it is very internal. An internal feeling that is so hard to communicate because it’s not considered acceptable. And that’s what keeps us from admitting the truth. We can be honest, but the honest feeling is considered bad. So a lot of times we keep the emotion hidden and lie our way through life. Hoping no one finds out the truth.

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EAGER TO WAIT: DOES PROLONGING ASKING FOR SEX MEANS YOU CARE?

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“Where does this belong in society today?”

It’s funny how cultural references take on new meanings throughout life. Especially in the case when we’re discussing the topic of sex. I remember when I first heard of the 90 day rule. Which is basically the time-frame adequate for a man and woman to engage in sexual intercourse. When I first heard this rule, I have to admit, it sound rather silly to place a time-frame on sex. Because the great thing about sex is that it’s just supposed to happen. And nothing says sex is not interesting or spontaneous like putting a calendar date on it. Now, is there a reason for this to exist? Is there any real logic as to why a rule like this must be put into place?

Let’s try to understand the essence of the 90 day rule. Well, for starters, 90 days is seen as a quality enough time period for people to get to know each other. Alright, why do people need time to get to know one another? The reason being, is that men and women are wired differently. We aim to get sex as quickly as possible, while women tend to want to wait. And we are judged differently in society also. So given that, women feel that there must be adequate time in order for men and women to get to know one another before engaging in sex. So there is something other than just the physical; meaning an investment.

Which leads me to the next reason why people wait. Sex is part of a relationship that involves investing. Investing time and space for a more long-term situation. So making someone wait sounds rational. You never want to feel like you’re rushing something that could potentially go somewhere. But is there a such thing as waiting too long? You might think you’re waiting for the right time and wind-up losing something good in the process. Is there always a reason to wait? In my opinion, no.

I know the old-fashioned way is to make someone wait for sex. But in my opinion, I don’t think in the past people waited. It was just a lot more taboo to talk about it. People in the past weren’t as open with sexuality as they are now. But nonetheless, people didn’t wait for the opportunity to have sex. Why is this so? Because it’s a human emotion. People are not designed to hold off on something that is so natural. Sex is a normal behavioral action. And I think that in our society we tend to suppress this natural action. And religion has a lot to do with it as well as society. We’re all afraid of being judged on so many of our actions, but the people who judge may be doing the same as you.

In the end, there are good reasons, but I also think that sometimes, people can be a little ridiculous with the rules they place on sex. Man has turned a fun and spontaneous engagement into a job. You’re told on a job that your benefits kick in 90 days, so the whole time, you’re thinking about the benefit. Sure, a relationship is an interview, but sex shouldn’t be a job. If it’s a job, maybe it’s not worth having it at all.

S*** OR GET OFF THE POT: WHY WOMEN WANT MARRIAGE

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“Why are women so hard up about getting married?”

“We’ve been together for quite some time now.” “Where is this relationship going?” Guys who have been in relationships know this language all too well. But what is it? What is it about women who want to be married so badly. They say it’s about love and commitment, but is it really? Let’s break down some of those reasons as to why. And when I say the reasons I mean: love, commitment, children, outside pressure, and finances.  So let’s analyze these reasons. Breaking them down one by one is a good start to understand why men are pressured for marriage.

Love; now the first thing you’re thinking as a guy is why. Why must love be the result of a legal binding document? That’s what it is to us. Why is marriage more of a showing of love than just dating? Love is a deep feeling of some sort of affection. So what love is deeper than a lifetime commitment to someone. Maybe to women dating is just a simple gesture of affection that is the start to something more. But is it more than just love. What about other factors that play into women wanting men to marry.

Commitment is another reason women look at marriage the way that they do. It’s almost as if dating is seen as still being single, something trivial. As a matter of fact bachelor and bachelorette are supposed to be celebrations as your last night as a free man and women before you’re off the market. But weren’t you off the market for the time you were together up to this point? Then again if you cheat then it’s considered going outside the relationship. So to avoid anymore confusion marriage is that thing that makes it truly official. Well what are the other reasons that women are so adamant about getting married.

The wanting of children is another reason. Now as a guy we know that you don’t need marriage to have children. Well biologically you don’t, but when it comes to raising this child, marriage is seen as more of a stable environment. But then again, if a child is raised in the house with both their parents why do you need marriage. They come home to both parents, raised by both, see their parents love each other, so what is the purpose of marriage. It just seems that you can obviously have one and not the other.

Then, there are the outside influences such as friends and family. Men are less likely to care about what these outside forces may think about the relationship. But if women see other women close to them getting married, they will apply more pressure to the guy. Then again, a lot of them (outside influences) might not even be married, so why feel the pressure. I guess women don’t like how it looks. The look of things might be too much to bare for them.

In the end, I think for the most part all of the above are possible, but the main reasons have to do with finances. It’s not just the pooling together of finances. I think that when you’re married if he is sick or dies, you can’t lie claim to anything in the event something happens. You can if you’re his wife. But the other reason is more historical. Women throughout history were with guys, most married, and if the man left she was left herself high and dry. So women ask for a lot of the above things, but there is only one that can’t be achieved without marriage, financial claiming of assets. A tough topic to talk because as much as he doesn’t want to loss it, she want to gain it.

THE SINFUL 7EVEN (SHORT STORY)

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When you’re a pastor of a congregation, your duty in that role is to not only serve as the orator of God, but also as a community leader. In my job as pastor of the church I like to get to know as many of my members as possible. Given the small size of my congregation, this task is possible. I come across the lost and the saved, the good and the wicked, as well as the ones with love and hate in their hearts. Those who I find to be the most intriguing to speak with are the married couples. Having the opportunity to counsel married couples have allowed me to work as the liaison in which men and women need to keep their relationships on track. In meeting these couples I am always inundated with questions ranging from how do we make our marriage work to how did your marriage stay together so long?

How do I make my spouse happy to what should I do if I have fallen out of love with my spouse? So many questions arise from not only the young newlyweds, but also from those who have been married for years. I became intrigued with counseling married couples ever since the sinful seven. You might be wondering, who or what is the sinful seven? The sinful seven are a group of men and women I spoke to during a couples retreat. They were seven couples faced with issues in their marriage that put their marriage in jeopardy of ending. What was quite interesting, is that each couples dealt with a separate sin that was disastrous to their relationship.

Case in point the, man whose wife wanted him to lose weight. He would come home from work and each night, sit in front of the television with a plate of food. This man would eat to the point of passing out, sometimes even eating the leftovers that his wife wanted to consume for herself the next day at work. His poor eating habits had caused him to take a on a series of health related issues as well as a strain on their sex life. He had developed an inability to focus at work, and even children were ashamed to be seen in public with him in public. Overindulgence of food, drinks, or wealth can is seen in biblical scripture as one who is a glutton.

For those of you who are not familiar with the bible, gluttony is a sin. A sin in which someone must eat to the point of withholding, usually food, from others they care about or don’t know. They must consume in order to harbor from the needy, only caring about their well-being. Gluttons are very selfish, and in the case of this married couple, his health suffered. He couldn’t understand what he was doing wrong. His children and wife were both taken care of; had a great job, nice house, abided by the laws; so how am I a sinner.

As I counseled them, I told the man, abiding by the laws of the land is not enough. If you love your family as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t allow your overindulgence to interfere. The fact that your health has deteriorated shows not only a lack of self-importance, but a lack of responsibility to your family. We all love to eat, but anything that is done in

access will always negatively affect ones’ life. After much consideration, the couple and I agreed to a strict diet for the husband. Since then, he has lost quite a bit of the weight and his health has made a tremendous turnaround. Even the children are more reluctant to go in public with him. As far as their sex life, he and she are expecting their third child.

My second couple is the wife with too much yearning and wanting to be someone she’s not based off of others’ achievements; the bible calls it envy. Envy, this lack of ones’ own abilities and superior achievements due to the desire to want to be or have something someone else has. The husband was a fine young man, highly educated, with an exceptional career. He worked night and day, not because he couldn’t afford the essentials his family needed, but from the envy of his wife toward others. She would see someone with something she didn’t have, and it became a competition from that point on. This person drove two luxury vehicles, so she wanted three. The couple’s house cost five hundred thousand dollars, yet she wanted the house for one million dollars, so it would compete with the others in the neighborhood.

The advice I gave to the both of them is simple; who are you trying to impress. Before that I wanted to know about the wife’s childhood, and where she came from. You find that people who envy others, either grew up in an environment that was poor and their friends had things. The other is that they grew up well-off and their household was based around what everyone else had that they didn’t have. The wife was the first, she grew up in a really poor household. Her father died when she was a young age, and her mother struggled to raise her and her siblings. Meanwhile the wife went to school with students who always wore the nicest clothes, drove best cars, and lived in extravagant homes.

That can be a tough life for a child who has to watch everyone from the other side of the fence. It can make a kid grow to develop a lot of self-esteem issues or even resent their own parents from witnessing such a divide. Now, I’m not agreeing with the idea of having self-esteem issues from someone having something you don’t have, nor am I implying it’s alright to have a vendetta against your parents either. It’s just difficult and confusing to a child, who can’t understand why they have to struggle so hard, and their friends don’t have to do so. In my explanation, we envy people based off the outer. We don’t know their lives behind closed doors. What is picture perfect in our

eyes, could be another person’s hell internally.The more I spoke to the wife, she feared losing her husband because of the way she behaves in the marriage. They were expecting their first child together, and raising a child in an environment in which both, or in this case one of the parents delves in excessive envy. Children are smart, they will grow to learn how to pin their parents against each other once they understand one of them has a weakness. After the counseling session, the wife has since then learned to except and be happy with the life her and her husband have carved out for themselves. Not only that, but she has given birth to their first child, and is expecting a second child.

Then there was my third married couple, how could I forget this one. A wife whose husband had an affinity for, let’s say the opposite sex. It didn’t matter who she was, young or old, tall or short, slim or curvy, married or single. He had to observe any woman that crossed his path. It could be the female neighbor, a co-worker no the job, even a member of his wife’s family hinted at him flirting. When we met, he kind of shrugged his shoulders and said, “Hey, I can’t help it, I’m a man aint I.”  Yes, you have to right to look and observe whomever you please, but when you’re married it comes to point where it becomes quite disrespectful.

As I’m speaking to him regarding his actions, I noticed something his wife was doing as he is talking. She had this movement with her hands every time he would speak, where she appeared to be covering up her stomach. I even stopped speaking to him, as I asked her what was wrong. At first glance, I thought it was stomach cramps, until further observation. It was a movement across her bell that I have seen before, but did not want to address. So, in order to figure out why she cradled her stomach so much, I introduced a series of questions. The first being, how did you two first?

Before she could answer the husband stated that it was in college during Spring Break. He went on to explain how beautiful she looked in her bikini she wearing, so he had to introduce himself. In trying to get the wife to answer the second question, I asked, when did you two firs fall in love? He once again interrupted before she could answer, stating that it was at a really nice restaurant. He remembered it well because of this amazing evening gown she was wearing. The third question was, what made you two decide to get married? He, for the third time interjected, stating that he was so lucky to waking up next to such a beautiful woman every day. Then, my attention shifted to her, as she began rubbing her stomach once again.

She didn’t speak up, until I asked her about the things she enjoyed before marriage and children. That’s when her husband kind of rolled his eyes and turned in the opposite direction. The wife spoke up and stated that before they got married and had children she was into gymnastics and yoga. The responsibility of parenting and birth of her three children had drastically altered her body. Immediately, there was no time for the gym, and no gym meant no exercise, no exercise meant weight gain, and weight gain meant lack of interest. Finally, I had solved the issue in this relationship. Her husband lusted for the bodies for other women after the altered appearance of his wife. He, for not one second, tried encouraging his wife, nor did he try to help her lose the weight.

So now, what she thought was the love of her life, is actually the real weight holding her back from progressing. His lust for other women because of his lack of interest in his wife’s appearance, had caused a major rift in the marriage. I explained to him that his actions for a single guy in his early twenties might be understood. But, he wasn’t a college co-ed anymore, he was an adult man, in his thirties with a wife and three kids. His disdain for his wife not only could effect her, but he doesn’t want his children seeing their mother treated in that manner. Since our conversation, he has been more supportive of his wife. Not only that, but her confidence has been restored and she has begun to attend her yoga classes once again. Her and her husband sent me a photo of them vacationing at a resort with their children, I feel they’re going to make it just fine together.

I would like to now introduce you to the fourth couple. The hardworking husband with a wife whose only mission in life is to be held up on a pedestal by her own self self-confidence and personal status. We call this in the religious environment pride or this extreme sense of hubris and self-reflection. The wife was a former model in catalogue magazines who made quite a living off her physical appearance. As the husband and wife approached their middle aged years, the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. The chemotherapy forced her to lose her hair, as well as losing one of her breast to the disease. After the cancer went into remission, she began to cover her body in public. She would wear veils to cover her face and head, even fully padding her shirts, as to cover up the fact that she had lost one of her breast.

I am an old man, and through the grace of God, I have never had any debilitating illnesses. I don’t know the feeling up losing something that defines who I am as a man. Women who are stricken with this disease are heartbroken when they are told they will lose their hair or even the loss of one or both of their breast. But, when you’re a woman who has made your living off of the way you look, as in this case, adjusting can be quite that much more difficult. The wife in this case was so prideful, she went as far as burning photos and magazines with her likenesses on the front cover. Her pride had caused her husband to feel afflicted and disconnect with her children.

My advice to the wife was difficult, because like I said, I have never been in her situation before. I did tell her it was best to focus on the people whom have stood by her through all her problems. If her husband married her while she was modeling, and fought with her through the sickness, that is something to be proud about in and up itself.  It showed that the people wholove the most are there when you are down just as much as when are up. Since our counseling, she is a lot more motivated. Her excessive pride in how she use to look in the past has taken more of a backseat to what she is grateful to have today

Now, now, where should I start with regards to the next husband and wife? Well, in a nutshell, the husband was lazy. When I say lazy, I don’t mean lazy like he would leave his shorts on the floor and wouldn’t pick them up lazy. I mean lack of drive and desire to succeed laziness. You may ask, what would make a woman marry a man has no desire or will to succeed. The only thing that comes to my mind when meeting this man was sloth. That’s right sloth, or the lack of foresight to care about ones’ surroundings due to the carelessness in ones’ emotions or spirit.

The husband was very productive when they first met. He was one of the hardest working people his wife had ever met. This is what made her realize he was the man that would be her husband. His irresponsibility came about soon after he lost his job. At first it was fine because the wife understood his plight at the time. Then what was one day unemployed, turn to weeks, then months. Not only that, but he had not made an effort to even look for a job eventually. This put a real strain on the marriage, with the wife carrying the full weight of the family. It came to a point where she felt, if he wasn’t going to be contributing in any shape or form.

When I spoke to the husband he told me that he had been working since he were a teenager. Losing his job not only meant a setback to his family, but also the first time in life he had been unemployed. He felt useless to his wife and kids, and what was temporary became permanent. My advice to him was that he should not allow his accomplishments in his past dictate the future of his life. We made a deal that every day he is to wake up before his wife in the morning, and come home at least by the time she gets off of work. In this time, he is to look for a job, whether it be part-time of full time work. He is to find something, until he can fully contribute to his family. Well, I am happy to say that since that time he has not only found a new

full time job, but has had to become the breadwinner since his wife was laid off her job. He has since told me that it feels good to be able to take care of your family instead of the one being taken care of. I hope the wife gets back on her feet, I’m sure everything will work itself out.

This sixth couple was my most difficult marriage of the others. This is because the husband and the wife both, had dual responsibility in the marriage going downhill. The people who they felt were suffering the most were their two children. You see, the both had demanding careers, but wanted more and more. As a matter of fact the wanting for more became to excessive that they had to hire a nanny to care for their children whilethey both worked. This ultimately caused a strain on the relationship between the parents and the children. The nanny received the respect that the parents should have been getting and the kids started to resent the both of them.

This greed, or pursuit for wealth and status for which a person has no boundaries was affecting their family. For the bible says, “For what shall a man profit the whole world and lose his soul.” I ponder in my mind of why anyone feels that they must go to such great lengths to attain money and power. What is use of having all this money and power in the world, and yet you have no one to share it with at the end of the day? They were both operating under the impression that only if we supply our children with a big home and fancy trinkets we could purchase their affection. There’s just one problem, kids don’t care about your money and how much power you have; it means nothing to them.

The nanny received such praise because she was the one in their lives. She taught them how to ride their bicycles, read them bedtime stories, and kissed them goodnight. Their parents paid for expensive vacations, but even on vacation both the husband and wife were both far too busy to focus on their children. So as I stood before both of them, I say, is worth it. Is it worth it to lose a connection with the only people in your lives that truly care about you the most? You can’t work a job forever; so whose going to be there for you once the work stops? Are your children going to be there for you through those elderly years? When you look back on life you are going to resent yourselves when all you’ve ever done was pursue power. Power that once you die no one will remember because it will go transferred to someone else.

The more I spoke to the husband and wife, the more they felt what I was saying made sense. No parent wants to feel like they are neglecting their children; at least one who is responsible. In the end, the man and woman decided to cut back on their work. They even were able to spend more time developing a relationship with their children instead of them growing up with the nanny as their caregiver. They both sent me thank you letter with a nice contribution to the church. I say thank you to both of them and keep up the good work.

Now my last married couple came to me with a problem that I find all too common in marriages. The husband felt is wife had been having an extramarital affair behind his back. The wife said that she wasn’t, but often thought about it, in order to gain his attention. She wanted him to feel the wrath of her frustration. Now there is a word I understand wrath, which  brings us to the last sinful couple. Wrath in the bible is the reaction one has in the form of anger toward someone else as a means of retaliation. The wife held feelings of anger toward her husband for neglecting her in the marriage. She wanted him to feel the same pain she feels when he does not pay attention to her.

The husband stated that he wants to spend more time with his wife, but some minor financial setbacks I the household has caused him to work a lot more. He didn’t know why she couldn’t understand his passion to help feed and clothed his family. Before the two were married, it was your typical boy meets girl relationship. They would go everywhere together, do everything together, and see everything together. Once the married went into full swing and children were part of the equation, more time went into the family and less into the both of them. Her scorn for him not showing her enough attention came in the form of her yearning for attention elsewhere.

I have never condoned cheating before in my life, nor will I start now. If you feel that spouse is not giving you what you want and need most, there should always be a conversation about Most people say, well I did that, then when you ask about the sit-down, they never really had a physical sit-down. We expect our spouses to just know what we want, and at times that is feasible. On the other hand, this non-communication can prove to be disastrous to a marriage. In my advice to the both of them I encouraged them to create a specific time slot. This would be the time slot for husband and wife time. They are to make this promise and stay true to this promise. Only an emergency can disrupt the pack that they have set forth. My advice stuck with them and since our meeting, they sent me a letter telling me how well their marriage has panned-out since our talk. He has been paying more attention to her, and they even discussed having another child. I say good luck to them, and God speed ahead.

So as you can see, the life of a pastor is not only standing before a congregation giving Sunday service, but providing guidance to those who need it most. Marriage is important to me because I feel that children need that stable relationship which will serve as a template for when they decide to date and marry in their own lives. Since the Sinful Seven, I have met couples with a host of other issues, some from the seven I counseled, to new causes for concern. Whatever the case may be, I am more than happy to be of assistance to my parishioners and their families.

PROSTITUTION: THE BUSINESS OF SEX

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“Should it or shouldn’t it?”

With marijuana slowly being legalized across America by way of dispensary ownership; you have to ask another question. What else will the United States consider in the future? Well, what about prostitution? Will there ever come a time where sex will be legalized for sale? I mean, we already have the porn industry well men and women have sex on camera for pay. Why not having sex via brothel? But wait a minute don’t we have a few already?

We do have a few brothels already in the state of Nevada. But they reside deep within the desert. One of the most remote is known as the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. Not only is it remotely located in the desert, but also the most famous. Men from across the country and around the world come to visit the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. The hoops the owner had to jump through and continue to jump through is constant. But what about other regions of the country?

Will the United States meet some time in the distant future regarding men and women having the opportunity to have sex for money. Because the controversy of porn was seen as that in the beginning. As a matter of fact, porn walks this weird tight rope as it pertains to legality. But we look at it as perfectly fine in today’s society. If the conversation comes up, it will be shot down immediately. Why, what is wrong about legalizing two adults having sex with each other? One of my first guesses is the morality aspect.

We see prostitution is morally wrong, and capitalizing off of it as unethical. For the government to regulate men and women having sex for pay is considered morally wrong. But if that’s the case what about porn, strippers, and women who openly admit they sleep with men for money. Which by the way is an odd way to justify one legal and the other illegal. And for the most part I am not talking porn or stripping; but more so women sleeping with men for money. If a woman says I sleep with men and they give me money, she’s considered promiscuous. But if she says I charge men money for sex, then it’s illegal. Where is the line drawn.

When a woman says she sleeps with men for money, isn’t that prostitution? No because there has to be an agreed upon amount, and an exchange of currency form one hand into another. Well, that qualifies as prostitution also. That has always stuck out to me when I’ve heard women make statements like that. The other moral issue is the concern that young girls will seek to sell their bodies for sex when all else has failed or a quick way into money. The corruptibility it could have on the lives of females is feared to be devastating. Then what about the other aspect which is marriage.

Marriage is a reason also why prostitution is feared in America. We already have cell phone apps which allow you to meet people for random hookups. Think if there was a place to have sex for pay. It would really effect monogamy in this country. And it also leaves women at a great disadvantage. Men would outright ignore a lot of women because why work for your attention if it’s so quick and immediate. Now with that said, is it still good?

I think in my opinion, prostitution is the oldest profession, but it will be more so international than domestic. Because let’s assume women rally for the freedom to be a sex worker, other women would fight it. Plus, I don’t think America is the right place for this type of profession. Yes other countries have it, but they also have a lot of criminality in it as well. So in the end, even though there are some people who walk a fine line when it comes to sex for pay, it should still be illegal in America.

HOLY MATRIMONEY!

Standing in the front of the church, I observed as one of my closest friends is about to get married. As I stand with the other groomsmen, I gaze at their faces. We all bared the same blank look on our faces, while the women were all teary-eyed. I don’t know about anyone else, but I can tell you what came across my mind; glad it’s not me. I’m proud to say that I am a thirty year old man, with no kids, and not thinking about marriage anytime soon. As a matter of fact, I never want to get married. To me, it’s just a legal binding contract in which the man loses in the end. And when I say lose in the end, I mean financially. The divorce rate is what, 64, 65% after five years of marriage. That is way too high for me, especially when the guy has so much to lose.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the union and all, but not for me. The logic behind it just does not make sense to me. Think about it, the average person get married at what 26, 27 years old. Through this decision as a young man and woman you’re supposed to stay wed for the rest of your life. If you ask me it’s something fundamentally wrong with that picture. Why can’t men and women accept the fact that marriage or shall I say monogamy is not natural. And know what you’re saying, but just hear me out for a second.

Remind yourself of the vows you take at the alter. I promise to love, honor, and obey for as long as we both shall live. Given these very vows, shouldn’t marriage be easy. Most people will tell you that marriage is one of the hardest feats a human has to overcome. But given these vows, it should be easy, unless like I said before; it’s not natural. Look at my friend, as he stares his soon to be wife in the eyes. This man is on cloud nine, and little do he know what’s in store for him. I know one thing, I hope my buddy has a prenuptial agreement. I’m not trying to rain on the day, but divorce can be expensive. Especially with the career that my friends has; he has the most to lose.

His wife is a nice woman, but women don’t stay the same. She’s all loving now, until he says I do. Then before you know it, she’ll be packing on the pounds from childbirth and shoving her mouth full of desserts. All that money, poof, to the winds. I hate to keep going over it, but man. When my friend told me how much money he has in inheritance, all I could think was I hope you’re covered. Because as a man you are entitled to provide your wife with the lifestyle that she was accustomed to while you guys are married. Not only that, but your pension, she gets alimony, child support, as well as your future earnings. Hell, women say they have it bad.

All they talk about is this glass ceiling they have to overcome. Why don’t we change some of these marital laws and see how equal they fight to become then. It’s all good until a check need to be doled out. They’re so young and independent, yet in the case of divorce, they are so helpless. It’s accustomed to this and entitled to that; like a homeless bum with her hand out. See, the way I see, if I had it my way, a woman would only be entitled to ten percent every decade of marriage. You want half, then stay the course for fifty years. Anyone sticking it out fifty years deserves half. But no, women get in front of judges, and before you know, she has everything.

The house, the kids, the money, and a new man in a house you built. That’s why I don’t see myself getting married. And look at my other buddies standing up in the wedding. My friend to the right just got engaged, and my friend to the left is a newlywed. The other guys are in long term committed relationships. I am the lone wolf; or as they say the last of the mohicans. A mohican, what the hell is a mohican anyways; i’ve heard this term my whole life, never knowing what it means. Wait a minute, they’re a group of Native Americans. But why is it such a big deal to be the last of one of them?

Whatever, look at me getting all sidetracked. Instead of daydreaming about the American Indian, I should be focusing on how the hell I’m going to help my friend. God, if he only knew what he was getting himself in to, he would leave running out the back door. Look at his mother and father in the front row. Just crying away, you would think his dad would have talked some sense into him. I mean, this is his father’s second marriage. Knowing how marriage ends, you would think a father would give his son appropriate advice. But instead, he’s just grinning away.

Let’s not get started in the bride’s family. Her mother is balling her eyes out and the father is happy she’s finally with someone instead of bar hopping every weekend. Oh well, he’ll have to learn on his own. It’s not my problem, I would love to give him some advice, but he wouldn’t listen anyways. Look at him, deeply in love’ it’s so intoxicating. Wait a minute, here comes the part I hate most, the kiss. My friend kissing his wife as the crowd cheers with joy. Now I have to put on this fake smile as they begin to walk down the aisle. Next, here it comes, each bridesmaid and groomsmen must hold hands and walk down the aisle. I’m locked arms with some stranger who I never met, while people watch us exit out the church doors.

As the bridesmaids and groomsmen part ways, I noticed something. The woman who I was holding hands with seemed just as disinterested as me. We lock eyes and in that moment I felt a connection. Wow, I must be going crazy, am I really at a wedding expressing interest in a woman. I must be losing my mind because I have not dated girls since coming out in high school.

HOLLA, WE WANT PRENUP! WE WANT PRENUP!

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“I love you, but can you sign something for me?”

How do you go about bringing this up to a spouse? “So sweetie, you I know love and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” “But before we go any further do you mind looking over some paperwork with me?” She replies, “Sure what is it a marital license, the mortgage for our new home, the will..” Then you interject, “No, the prenup (cough)! She says, “Hmm?” You say, “The prenuptial agreement.” And with a exclamatory reply she goes, “Prenup, what the hell for!”

GULP! What is the right way to introduce this into a relationship? How in one breathe do you speak love, then the next ask for signed documentation? Documentation which will protect your assets in the case of divorce. Well first you have to ask yourself why is such a document necessary for starters. It’s necessary because of the high divorce rates, that’s why.

In the United States today, the divorce is close to 65% after only 5 years of marriage. I don’t know about you, but knowing you may have to split assets with someone you’ve only been with for 5 years seems kind of unfair. If you were married for 25 years, or 30 years, or 40 years, then yes, but 5. The reason I say 25 years or more is because at least there was a long term investment into the relationship. The 5 year plan seems like more of a business exchange than a marriage.

And that is where the prenuptial agreement comes into play. Marriage has become an in and out business today in America. Meet someone whose financially stable, get your 5 years in, and see ya later. But if you’re a man without any money, than a woman has no interest. Now if you are a man of means, this could be somewhat of concern. So is the way to protecting yourself not succeeding and striving in life. Because think about, you work all these years and someone comes and goes, “I’m not happy.”

So what, my future should now be determined on if you’re happy or not. So if I am happy and you’re not, than I have to lose in life. So now you think to yourself, what’s the purpose in working hard in life. Why push if you’re not going to be able to reap the benefits of your labor? As a man, you work so that one day you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your hard work. But if you’re only working just to one day hand it all over why work at all. Divorce has become the reason to be a total loser.

Women say that it’s not fair, fine let’s flip it. As a woman, you make $100,000 a year, would you marry a $30,000 a year man. It’s hard to do so, why because even you know as a woman that is not a business smart decision. So if you’re not willing to give up anything you worked for, why are you so ready for us to do so? A woman goes, “You need to be at my level.” But how often do you go, “I need to be on his level.” It’s easy to talk love and marriage when you have a lot less to lose.

This is why when people who make a certain amount of income wed, they need to have these discussions. But asking your wife to sign a prenup when you are a construction worker, police officer, garbage truck driver, etc. can be tough. Her reply would be, “You don’t have anything to take.” “Why sign a prenup?” Well that’s where she’s wrong. These men in these job titles are the ones who need prenups the most. If you’re athlete with $50 million and your wife gets $20 – $25 million, then you’re still good. But if you make $35,000 and your wife gets $10,000 – $15,000, you could be in trouble financially.

Which brings me to the after affects of divorce. One of the leading indicators of poverty amongst men is divorce. Conversely the leading indicator of wealth amongst women is marriage. So now you can see why a prenuptial agreement conversation can be one of much debate. It’s still the come up of a woman in America, but the lose of wealth among men. Yet, marriage is not on the decline in this country.

Maybe marriage is still going strong, well getting married at least, because people want to believe. Everyone wants to believe those numbers will change with them. Everyone goes not my husband, not my wife. We have something special with each other. We have a bond that’s bigger than money. And that’s just it. We as humans know it can be a crap shoot, but want to believe that the person in our lives would never leave. Yet year after year, the divorce cases pile on the desk of attorneys.

It’s 65% today what, 80% in the future. No matter how you look at it, marriage is still a great union, but in today’s society we have no other option at times but to treat it as it is. A union whereas two people are pooling together finances to gauge how well this relationship will work. Which dwindles down to a business contract that is an investment into our future together.