PETRIFIED: HOW FEAR CAN LEAD TO URGENCY IN LIFE

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“Do you value your time on this earth?”

Ever hear the term time is of essence? That’s because the most valuable commodity in life is time. Money comes and goes, but you only have one shot at life. And for most people there is fear that lies in only having one life. But having fear is not all bad. Sometimes fear gives people more of an incentive to spend their time on Earth being more productive. When you realize that this is the only life we have and after that, that’s it, you’re quicker to get things done. Well, why do we waste time?

Like that old saying, why put off until tomorrow what you can accomplish today. This is not all about putting in the work to live a good life. In my life, I have witnessed the deaths of three very important people close to me: my great grandmother, and both grandmothers (mother and father’s mothers). Missing the relative will never go away, but you don’t have regrets as long as you were able to get the most out of life from them. Some people wait until the person in their family has passed then start asking questions: How come I didn’t call them? I wish I had just a little more time with that person. That’s what is meant by putting off until tomorrow. But we go, it’s ok, I’ll see them tomorrow. But when they pass, you can never get that time back.

Now, in context of working in society, we really put off things on a daily basis that could help us succeed.  It’ll be Monday, and we say things like, “It’s alright, I’ll do it tomorrow.” Then Friday comes and it’s still not done. Not only is it not done, but you may have to accomplish a new task that overlaps with the old one. As you get older, you do less and less of this because you’re more aware of your own mortality. It’s that fear that gives you urgency to get things accomplished. Then why not when we’re young. What is it about being young that we think we’re going to wake up everyday.

Well, when you’re young, you’re not as used to people your age dying. So if you’re 19 years, your time is spent hanging and not thinking about tomorrow. Life is all about drinking and hanging with friends. Life starts to set in around 30 years of age. This is a milestone where you start to realize where your life has come thus  far. It’s when you start looking at life more long term than short term. The fun can still exist, but it has rapidly declined because you understand the ultimate goal in life, and how much time it will take to get there.

In the end, fear can hold us back, but it can also propel us forward. For me, fear is used to help me succeed. If not for my fears, I don’t know how I would function. Not everyone need it, but I do, because it makes me have a goal to accomplish. So with each passing year, I assess where I am in life, and where I want to go. As long as I hit the majority of my targets I am on track to success.

HOLLA, WE WANT PRENUP! WE WANT PRENUP!

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“I love you, but can you sign something for me?”

How do you go about bringing this up to a spouse? “So sweetie, you I know love and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” “But before we go any further do you mind looking over some paperwork with me?” She replies, “Sure what is it a marital license, the mortgage for our new home, the will..” Then you interject, “No, the prenup (cough)! She says, “Hmm?” You say, “The prenuptial agreement.” And with a exclamatory reply she goes, “Prenup, what the hell for!”

GULP! What is the right way to introduce this into a relationship? How in one breathe do you speak love, then the next ask for signed documentation? Documentation which will protect your assets in the case of divorce. Well first you have to ask yourself why is such a document necessary for starters. It’s necessary because of the high divorce rates, that’s why.

In the United States today, the divorce is close to 65% after only 5 years of marriage. I don’t know about you, but knowing you may have to split assets with someone you’ve only been with for 5 years seems kind of unfair. If you were married for 25 years, or 30 years, or 40 years, then yes, but 5. The reason I say 25 years or more is because at least there was a long term investment into the relationship. The 5 year plan seems like more of a business exchange than a marriage.

And that is where the prenuptial agreement comes into play. Marriage has become an in and out business today in America. Meet someone whose financially stable, get your 5 years in, and see ya later. But if you’re a man without any money, than a woman has no interest. Now if you are a man of means, this could be somewhat of concern. So is the way to protecting yourself not succeeding and striving in life. Because think about, you work all these years and someone comes and goes, “I’m not happy.”

So what, my future should now be determined on if you’re happy or not. So if I am happy and you’re not, than I have to lose in life. So now you think to yourself, what’s the purpose in working hard in life. Why push if you’re not going to be able to reap the benefits of your labor? As a man, you work so that one day you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your hard work. But if you’re only working just to one day hand it all over why work at all. Divorce has become the reason to be a total loser.

Women say that it’s not fair, fine let’s flip it. As a woman, you make $100,000 a year, would you marry a $30,000 a year man. It’s hard to do so, why because even you know as a woman that is not a business smart decision. So if you’re not willing to give up anything you worked for, why are you so ready for us to do so? A woman goes, “You need to be at my level.” But how often do you go, “I need to be on his level.” It’s easy to talk love and marriage when you have a lot less to lose.

This is why when people who make a certain amount of income wed, they need to have these discussions. But asking your wife to sign a prenup when you are a construction worker, police officer, garbage truck driver, etc. can be tough. Her reply would be, “You don’t have anything to take.” “Why sign a prenup?” Well that’s where she’s wrong. These men in these job titles are the ones who need prenups the most. If you’re athlete with $50 million and your wife gets $20 – $25 million, then you’re still good. But if you make $35,000 and your wife gets $10,000 – $15,000, you could be in trouble financially.

Which brings me to the after affects of divorce. One of the leading indicators of poverty amongst men is divorce. Conversely the leading indicator of wealth amongst women is marriage. So now you can see why a prenuptial agreement conversation can be one of much debate. It’s still the come up of a woman in America, but the lose of wealth among men. Yet, marriage is not on the decline in this country.

Maybe marriage is still going strong, well getting married at least, because people want to believe. Everyone wants to believe those numbers will change with them. Everyone goes not my husband, not my wife. We have something special with each other. We have a bond that’s bigger than money. And that’s just it. We as humans know it can be a crap shoot, but want to believe that the person in our lives would never leave. Yet year after year, the divorce cases pile on the desk of attorneys.

It’s 65% today what, 80% in the future. No matter how you look at it, marriage is still a great union, but in today’s society we have no other option at times but to treat it as it is. A union whereas two people are pooling together finances to gauge how well this relationship will work. Which dwindles down to a business contract that is an investment into our future together.