KID GAMES: DON’T LET ‘EM DIVIDE YOU

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“Are you more strategic than your offspring?”

“Mommy, can I have some ice cream?” “No sweetie, you have to wait until you eat dinner first.” “Daddy, can I have some ice cream?” “Sure son, go ahead, but don’t eat too much.” “We still have to eat dinner.” And just like that, a parent has made a vital mistake in raising their child. There must be one voice in the household when raising a child. If that kid knows that they can run to one parent and always get an ok over an objection, that smells problems for your relationship. This also means that knowing they can get away with some things around one parent and not the other. The structure need to be clear and spoken from one voice.

What I mean by one voice is that if your kid comes to you asking for something they must know that when you say yes or no it means that on both sides. If a kid know they can play both sides, that speaks to the lack of communication from the parents. We are currently seeing the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie; where he seems to be more strict and she is more lax. This can be a recipe for disaster if both people are polar opposites. It’s fine to be a little bit different in the parenting styles, but too much difference results in long term problems; as seen with the Pitt-Jolie situation.

But since I am on the topic of divorce; what about communication here. It works so long as the parents are on the right page. But it’s hard to be on the right page with a child if parents are still bitter about their personal situation. Under these circumstances children really are in control. Because one parent might allow the kid to get away with more as a way to spite the other parent. For instance, daughter wants to have a boyfriend, but dad says no. Mom has sole custody, and is fine with daughter having a boyfriend. Daughter wants to date, so she is able to play her parents against each other because she knows they don’t get along.

This is an issue especially if the daughter finds herself in a serious situation and can’t find a way out. She will go to the parent that allowed her to break the rules to bail her out. Now mom has to bail her out because she went over dad’s head in the first place to prove a point. And if he finds out, it could make her look irresponsible. Or, on the other hand, mom might call dad and say guess what your daughter did, just to get a rise out of him. Daughter was using this divide in faction to her advantage. Now that she is in trouble, with the two of them bickering, she is unable to fix her situation. So the scheme that helped her is now backfiring.

In the end, children need to know they can’t play parents for fools. If they fell that one allows them to get away with more, they’ll run to that parent. Only problem is that when trouble arises, with both parents fighting the child suffers. So a child, even in the case of divorce, need to understand that both parents are on the same page. Even if both parents don’t get along, the child should not see that take place. Remember, you’re the adult; you’ve been on this planet longer than they have been. Don’t let them think they know life more than you. You should be the ultimate gamer.

OFF THE BLOCK: Why Black People Should Travel

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“Why we need to leave the block.”

As a Black man, I wish I could take my views of the world and place them into the minds of so many other young Black males. I am always trying to broaden my horizons as well as understanding other groups. I love Black culture, but I also love learning new cultures as well. I think there is a problem that permeates within our community that makes us not want to leave the block. I live in Harlem, New York, and the same faces I seen on a daily bases hanging on the street corner. I would like to ask these guys one day, “Have you ever been off the block?” “Have you ever even been to Times Square?” “Have you been to The MET?”

And for those of you that don’t know what the MET stands for, it is the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City’s Upper East Side neighborhood. Working there as an Usher for concerts and performances, I love eying the many sculptures and art pieces that have been sent from around the world by various countries. Such as the Egyptian antiquities sent from places like Alexandria and Cairo, even the stone carved sculptures of the Medieval Period of European history, as well Mesopotamia in the Middle East and the Native American artifacts of this country.

I would just love to put other Black men in the know. To know that you are missing out on so many great things in life. You say why Black men? Well, we have this tendency to only see what is on the block. We can’t for some reason see past the block. And a lot of times, we don’t know of anything past the block. For example, my oldest sister is who introduced me to eating sushi with chopsticks. Starting with the food, and has opened my mind to what else is there to know about the Japanese culture. But see, cultural understanding didn’t start with my sister, it came from my mother.

As a child growing up in a traditional Black family, we ate soul food on a daily basis. But it was my mother who said, “Hey, it’s Chinese food Friday, Gyro Saturday, or how about Mexican food Sunday.” So I wanted to take myself to another place mentally from my childhood experiences. She also put us in schools where her children would get a more universal experience. Our cable television was used to challenge us as well: History Channel, Discovery Channel, Travel Channel, and even Jeopardy quiz show of random information. we frequented the library where we were asked about anything interesting that we wanted to do or learn. So from my childhood, I was so intrigued to know more.

Another reason I want Black men to leave the block, is to get a passport. I am currently working on getting myself a passport as well. We need to travel, and I’m not talking Las Vegas or Miami. I’m talking Sydney, Australia; Tokyo,Japan; Moscow, Russia; Berlin, Germany; or Cairo, Egypt. Why international? Well because for so long, Black people have been told that you’ll experience hatred and rejection from outside the country. But the most oppression has come via United States. Why do we believe in the hype that we are so hated. Not only is this not true, but internationally, people know, understand, and respect our will to fight through our struggles here in America.

As for me, if anyone says this particular group hates you, I make it my business to open the dialect with that group. Because if they do, I’ll be able to breakdown where they got it from. For example, I was watching television where a man in Russia said he didn’t like Black people. When asked why considering you have and may never come in contact with Black people. He stated, That’s what he sees on TV and in the movies. So I went, ahhh, he just gave me enough information to make my decision. That is why it’s our job to travel and show people we are not what people have been told. Because if not, we will continue to believe thoughts and ideologies about us that were not pushed nor created by us. Putting yourself in the know is crucial in our lives moving forward.