FOR LOVE OR FOR PAPERWORK: WHY WOMEN REALLY WANT A HUSBAND

Image result for marriage women

“It’s either I do, or I won’t continue.”


Women have always sought out to be wives. Even as young girls they are raised to find themselves a husband. They’re taught that you’re short changing yourself by settling for dating. But the things that women want pertaining to marriage are basic. So basic, do you really need marriage. Or was marriage designed and asked for, for different reasons other than the love. Because love is something you have which brought you to the marriage. There isn’t anymore, the love you have is the love you have. You’re not biologically this new person after you marry that you weren’t when you were not married. So what is it that you become? Can’t be about responsibility because you must be responsible prior to the marriage.

Marriage is the paperwork, not the love. What do I mean by the paperwork? Well, let’s first look at what marriage is in the first place. Marriage is the contractual obligation of bringing together of finances to assess if the relationship will last for the long term. Meaning, laying claims to assets in the case the relationship does not pan out. Which is a huge indicator into why women so desperately want to marry instead of dating. Women say it’s love or in the eyes of God, but it’s really in the event something happens to the man she can continue to live after he is gone. Now when I say live I don’t mean she is unemployed and he is the breadwinner. Even if she has a career along with him, her one income can not sustain the life of both when he was alive.

All of this makes sense considering woman would have to go through someone else if the man gets sick or dies. And what do I mean by going through someone else. I mean that if you and a man are not married you not considered in a lot of places next of kin; especially if he has siblings and/or parents alive. You may be put into a situation that they are able to dictate to you in the event something happens to him. You’re concerned with moving forward, while they are more concerned with a new man replacing their son or sibling. It could actually wind-up stalling your further progress in your own life.

So in the end, why don’t women just say what the real reason they want marriage is for; shame, that’s why. We shame women in society for being real in their intentions. We call them gold diggers for expressing what they want to marry for, a comfortable lifestyle. So they say love and compassion, yet you don’t need to marry for those reasons. We stigmatize them so much that they must now recontextualize what they want to fit into our male dynamics to make us happy. It’s why women make excuses of, “He may not have this and this, but he has this.” They lie about what they want because they don’t want to be judged on the truth. Yet they negatively effect our lives by manifesting what they lie about because they feel a moral obligation to please us in a male dominated environment.

HOLY MATRIMONEY!

Standing in the front of the church, I observed as one of my closest friends is about to get married. As I stand with the other groomsmen, I gaze at their faces. We all bared the same blank look on our faces, while the women were all teary-eyed. I don’t know about anyone else, but I can tell you what came across my mind; glad it’s not me. I’m proud to say that I am a thirty year old man, with no kids, and not thinking about marriage anytime soon. As a matter of fact, I never want to get married. To me, it’s just a legal binding contract in which the man loses in the end. And when I say lose in the end, I mean financially. The divorce rate is what, 64, 65% after five years of marriage. That is way too high for me, especially when the guy has so much to lose.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the union and all, but not for me. The logic behind it just does not make sense to me. Think about it, the average person get married at what 26, 27 years old. Through this decision as a young man and woman you’re supposed to stay wed for the rest of your life. If you ask me it’s something fundamentally wrong with that picture. Why can’t men and women accept the fact that marriage or shall I say monogamy is not natural. And know what you’re saying, but just hear me out for a second.

Remind yourself of the vows you take at the alter. I promise to love, honor, and obey for as long as we both shall live. Given these very vows, shouldn’t marriage be easy. Most people will tell you that marriage is one of the hardest feats a human has to overcome. But given these vows, it should be easy, unless like I said before; it’s not natural. Look at my friend, as he stares his soon to be wife in the eyes. This man is on cloud nine, and little do he know what’s in store for him. I know one thing, I hope my buddy has a prenuptial agreement. I’m not trying to rain on the day, but divorce can be expensive. Especially with the career that my friends has; he has the most to lose.

His wife is a nice woman, but women don’t stay the same. She’s all loving now, until he says I do. Then before you know it, she’ll be packing on the pounds from childbirth and shoving her mouth full of desserts. All that money, poof, to the winds. I hate to keep going over it, but man. When my friend told me how much money he has in inheritance, all I could think was I hope you’re covered. Because as a man you are entitled to provide your wife with the lifestyle that she was accustomed to while you guys are married. Not only that, but your pension, she gets alimony, child support, as well as your future earnings. Hell, women say they have it bad.

All they talk about is this glass ceiling they have to overcome. Why don’t we change some of these marital laws and see how equal they fight to become then. It’s all good until a check need to be doled out. They’re so young and independent, yet in the case of divorce, they are so helpless. It’s accustomed to this and entitled to that; like a homeless bum with her hand out. See, the way I see, if I had it my way, a woman would only be entitled to ten percent every decade of marriage. You want half, then stay the course for fifty years. Anyone sticking it out fifty years deserves half. But no, women get in front of judges, and before you know, she has everything.

The house, the kids, the money, and a new man in a house you built. That’s why I don’t see myself getting married. And look at my other buddies standing up in the wedding. My friend to the right just got engaged, and my friend to the left is a newlywed. The other guys are in long term committed relationships. I am the lone wolf; or as they say the last of the mohicans. A mohican, what the hell is a mohican anyways; i’ve heard this term my whole life, never knowing what it means. Wait a minute, they’re a group of Native Americans. But why is it such a big deal to be the last of one of them?

Whatever, look at me getting all sidetracked. Instead of daydreaming about the American Indian, I should be focusing on how the hell I’m going to help my friend. God, if he only knew what he was getting himself in to, he would leave running out the back door. Look at his mother and father in the front row. Just crying away, you would think his dad would have talked some sense into him. I mean, this is his father’s second marriage. Knowing how marriage ends, you would think a father would give his son appropriate advice. But instead, he’s just grinning away.

Let’s not get started in the bride’s family. Her mother is balling her eyes out and the father is happy she’s finally with someone instead of bar hopping every weekend. Oh well, he’ll have to learn on his own. It’s not my problem, I would love to give him some advice, but he wouldn’t listen anyways. Look at him, deeply in love’ it’s so intoxicating. Wait a minute, here comes the part I hate most, the kiss. My friend kissing his wife as the crowd cheers with joy. Now I have to put on this fake smile as they begin to walk down the aisle. Next, here it comes, each bridesmaid and groomsmen must hold hands and walk down the aisle. I’m locked arms with some stranger who I never met, while people watch us exit out the church doors.

As the bridesmaids and groomsmen part ways, I noticed something. The woman who I was holding hands with seemed just as disinterested as me. We lock eyes and in that moment I felt a connection. Wow, I must be going crazy, am I really at a wedding expressing interest in a woman. I must be losing my mind because I have not dated girls since coming out in high school.

I DEBT, I MEAN I DO! DO YOU TAKE THIS DEBT, UM BRIDE!

Image result for WEDDING CAKE TOPPERS“I now pronounce you man and debt. WHAT!”

First you propose, then she says I do. Next thing you know you’re planning for a wedding. Once the big day gets here, you and her are so nervous, you don’t think you’ll make it down the aisle. But the day is a success with an I do and some fun and dance with friends and family. Then, as you guys settle in for the night you think to yourself, ahh, marriage. This is going to be such a great life together; or so you think.

You’ll be surprised how many people get married and not look into the life of the person they are marrying. And this topic won’t be about infidelity or some other dark hidden secret. It’s about something people neglect to think about before saying I do. They don’t ask the question, “How much debt do you have?” Uh, what, what kind of question is that. Shouldn’t people be focused on more important aspects of marriage. Well, that is an important thing to focus on. Well, why is it so important?

When you get married you guys are not just one emotionally, but financially. That means any debts that person has accrued prior to marrying you is now yours. Let’s say for instance I want to marry a woman and she has the following: $10,000 credit card debt, $100,000 college loans, $500 overdraft bank account, $400 car payment behind by 3 months, and $1,000 in unpaid parking tickets. Now, I understand the college debt, which is the norm, especially in society today where a college education tends to run this amount.

Next, lets look at the $500 overdraft fee, which typically in society comes from using a debit card for more than you have in the bank. I have overdraft before 10 cents, $10, hell even $30. But $500 is some serious swiping of the card. I go fine, that can be an easy fix. She put up $250, I’ll help her with the other $250. Now on to the parking tickets, wow, $1,000. Where the hell is she parking that cost that much money. Not to mention if these fines are not paid, a boot will be placed on the car. Then that’s a cost for the boot and the tickets. So I have to pay that ASAP.

Ok, on to the car payments, sheesh, $1,200 unpaid. This has to get paid because we need our cars to get back and forth to work. So how will I do this, I know dip into my own personal savings. I know, I know, not a good idea, but it’s necessary. Wait a minute, what the hell is this bill! Unpaid car insurance as well, she didn’t tell me about this. God this woman is starting to get to me. Now that that’s out of the way, yikes, $10,000 in credit card debt.

What was she buying to rack up that much debt in credit cards. Jesus, SAKS Fifth, Bloomingdales, and MACY’S. We’re going to have to put her on some type of payment plan. Not to mention all the student loan debt that has to be worked out soon. And with all this said, “Is a person’s debt situation a deal breaker? Should you call off the engagement or accept it for what it is? Cause then again, you’re accepting this person for their flaws right? Some say wrong, you have to hold that person accountable as well. I mean God forbid you get sick or die, and they’re over your assets.

But see, I put that in the context of me and a woman. What about women with men. Is it a deal breaker to women if his debt is out of control? Or better yet, what if he has a child in which he is behind on child support? There are some places where the wife’s wages are extracted to pay for his inability to keep up with his child support payments. Can you imagine ladies, you work 40 hours a week, for every two weeks. You get ready to contribute your portion of the household expenses and you fall short. Why, because he’s not keeping up with his business. So the state goes, “Hey, you’re in one house, you’re under the same roof.” “You are him and he is you.” “We can’t get him, so how about the next best thing; his new wife.”

A woman would kill a man if she worked the whole month to come home to nothing. So with that said, do you still accept the person’s debt and work with them. In my opinion it depends on why the debt exist. Some people are flat out fiscally irresponsible, which is something to take into consideration before marrying them. Others have racked up debt, that it starts to get away from them. Then it piles and piles, to where they are overwhelmed. They could use your help and over time regain their hold on the situation.

How do you gauge the situation? Is it on the basis of money? Is it not money, yet what the debt is connect to? Or is unacceptable period to have outstanding debts? Whatever the case may be, it’s something everyone should discuss, yet many skip over this aspect of, “I do.” I would strongly encourage you to do so before walking down the aisle. It could save you a lot time and money, as well as an insight into who you are spending the rest of your life with before you jump the broom.