I’M NOT YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY: WHY THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING

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“Always got your hand out.”


In the household where I come from, I was under the impression that no one in this world owed you anything. As a child, my mother let us know that I am doing for you while you’re in this house. But the moment you become an adult, you’re on your own, unless you’re in school or making an effort to be something in life. Yet there was something my mother never wanted to do. She never wanted to start this whole road of something for nothing mindset. Because like I said, the world owes you nothing. Anything in this world you want, you had better be ready to go out and stake your own claim. But where does this entitlement come from in our society?

It hasn’t always been here like it is today. You had prior generations that went out and worked at a young age. As a matter of fact, you had kids in the early 1900’s working in coal minds side by side with their parents. Now days are spent playing video games on televisions or computers. Letting time pass you by while engaging in wasteful activities on cell phones. Which brings us to the first reason why people feel entitled. The technology in America has sped so much up, people think that there should be something allotted to them quick and instant. They don’t realize that the technology itself that speeds so much up took a lot of time to build. And when I say time, I mean some stuff as long as decades to build.

With the click of a mouse or the touch of the screen, we are instantly taken to our destination. That can make people think something should be given to them pretty fast. But it’s not just the technology that makes people think they are owed something. This same mind frame exist in the employment field as well. This whole my 75% is your 100%, and we all should be given something when we are clearly not putting in the same amount of work. A trend that has started from schools in children and has followed all the way into their adulthood. Now that you’re in the real world, you don’t realize that you’re not special. No one is going to hold you close and tell you everything is going to be alright. And that’s when you learn you’re not this beautiful and talented person, but more so that you are mundane because you have not put real time and energy into being great at what you do.

And you would think with what has been said so far, the owing stops there; no it doesn’t. People feel that you have made money, so it is your job to give them something. In their minds, “You have it, why not give me something.” Then they try to use the excuse of God blesses you to help other people. When in reality, that’s true, but there is something they are leaving out. God blesses people to help those who have made an initiative to put themselves in a better place. Giving people things without making them earn it causes you to be a crutch and it cripples them. It also creates a lack of respect that the person has for something you do give to them.

See, in the end, you want something in life, you have to be willing to go into the world and stake your own claim. Because the only person who has a stake in interest in you doing anything is you. I used to ask questions of the elders about back in their young days. I remember how my late grandmother would say growing up in the South, everybody had some plot of land. Didn’t matter how big or small, it still fed your family. And it was important you tended to your land since it depended on how you and your family ate. Because if your crop didn’t come through, your family didn’t eat. You were not owed anything and no one cared. Life was tough, but it was fair because we all have the capability to get out the bed and work. What’s that saying, we all have 24 hours in a day, what you choose to do with yours is your business.


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LOUSY PARENTING: PARENTS WHO FAIL TO PARENT, FAIL AT PARENTING

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“Bad parenting can be just as bad as absentee parenting.”


When a child is growing up, they need some form of structure in their lives. The reason being is that they don’t understand the world they’re up against. They think they know what’s out here, but in reality, children have no clue. So when you see parents who are dropping the ball when they know the odds their children are up against, it can be quite irritating. I was watching a video someone posted on Facebook regarding a mother not happy with her child’s boss at a fast food restaurant. The mom came to the job and told the supervisor that he was to no longer converse with her daughter. There is a serious underlying problem with this way of thinking.

For starters, your daughter will get a chance to see that when you don’t want to deal with someone on a job you can just disconnect. And the problem is that you are not going to like everyone you work with. You’re not going to get along with everyone you work with. The reality is that too bad, suck it up. I’m sure we would love to come to work and tell the supervisor, “Sorry, not interested in talking.” How amazing, I work for you, yet I’m going to tell you when I want to converse. You’re not going to get cooperation, you’re getting a foot in the ass, and out the front door you go.

But there is another problem with this method of parenting. It also allows the kid to see that no matter what, mom and/or dad is going to bail them out of trouble. They don’t have to own up to anything in life. It’s always someone else who is in the wrong. Then, once you become an adult, and mommy and daddy can no longer fight your battles you fail in life. If you can’t handle a fast food manager that you don’t like, wait until you step into the dominant society. The society we live in is not going to deal you going to grab your parent when something is wrong. You have to learn how to deal with problems on your own.

And that’s my problem with parents who teach this to their children. They work in the real world, yet they teach these unrealistic ways of thinking and behaving to their children. And unless you’re prepared to hire them and give them a job, you have to teach them to survive in this world. In the end, that’s the problem with parents teaching all the above to their children. Why, well because the world we live in don’t care. Society could care less about who mommy and daddy are; show up to work to work or go home. This whole take me as I am does not fly in society. No one has to outright accept you. You earn the respect of people it’s not a given. Learn what life is about, now, so you don’t have to learn the hard way later.


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WHEN TO SAY WHEN: HOW TO ELIMINATE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T IN YOUR BEST INTEREST

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“Know when to throw in the towel.”


Packing your bags and removing people from your life can be a very tough decision to make. Because at times these are people that are the closest to you. They are usually friends and even family. You have to cut people loose sometimes because they tend to be more of a burden and hindrance in your life than an advancement. But how do you know if the person or people in your life are becoming a ball and chain. Trust and believe, you’ll know, you may try to act like you don’t, but you’ll know. And for those of you who don’t know what I mean here are a few examples of the ball and chain. They are generally people who leach off of you, they’re me people who only care about themselves, the jealous types who hate on your success, and they’re people who make excuses as to what’s wrong with everyone else but themselves.

How do you rid yourself of the first type of person or people; the leach. The leach are the ones who want to live off of your shine and success. They don’t use you as an example where they want to be in their own lives. They say, you’re successful, why don’t you take care of me. But it’s not your job to care for them, better yet, it’s their job to play catch-up. And if they are not bent on catching up, you have to leave them behind. Easier to do with friends, but what about in the case of family. What happens when someone whose a family member becomes a burden. You give and give, and nothing transpires from it. They just look at your act of kindness as weakness. That’s when you must cut them off, until they are willing to change.

Now the next  group of people who you have to cut loose are the ones who only care about themselves. They live for them and only them, and could care less who it effects you. They’re the all about me people, which is a mental illness in itself. Doesn’t matter who has something else going on in their lives, it’s all about me. My issues, my life, and you should want to revolve your decisions around me. This ball and chain have to be gotten rid of so that you can focus on yourself. If you have nothing but me people around you, you spend time trying to appease them while your own life fails. So in the case of these type of people, cut them, and cut them fast.

Now the third group of people are the jealous types. These are the people who see you shining and they would love nothing more than to see you fall. Well, why would people close to you want to see you fail? It goes from a lack of self-worth within that person or people. They look at you and see what they could have been, and express disdain. These are the people who are worse than leaches and me groups. You have to watch this bunch closer than your enemies because they’re already in your camp. They might look at you and think, “They use to be right here with me.” “They don’t deserve what they have.” “If they have what they have, and started with me at the bottom, it means I wasted my life.” These are toxic people and are only going to hurt you in the end.

The last group are the I got the short end of the stick group. They’re the ones who blame everything and everybody else but themselves. The world is out to get me group, and they want you to correct their lives because of it. These people you have to leave behind because they become a hindrance on your progress. And they’re a hindrance because if all you hear is negativity from them all the time, then it’ll start to infiltrate your mind and taint your thinking. Before you know it, your life has fallen off from you trying to help them out. You see, in the end, you have so many people in your life you will lose along the way. It’s painful, but it’s part of your growth in this world. Everyone is not meant to be in your life. And sometimes its comes from the unlikeliest of places such as friends or family.

LIFE’S REAL: THE STRUGGLE OF FINDING JOBS FOR TODAY’S YOUNG GENERATION

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“The tough times of a generation.”

You grow up and are taught in your life to get your education. Once you do get a degree, you get a job. Work five days per week until you’re 65 years of age, then retire until death. But since the 2008 economic meltdown, there has been a lot of adjustments. One of the adjustments is working less hours for less pay. Fewer opportunities and healthcare not available to you via your employer. But this is effecting no one more than the millennial generation. I, myself, am a member of this age group and let me tell it’s tough. But even though we are known as a generation that expects everything for nothing, the majority of us are not necessarily that way.

We are not dealing with the same playing field as our parents. I never thought the day would come where working part-time is commonplace. You feel lazy and unproductive, even when you’re a hard working male or female. It seems as if all your effort is never good enough. But is it all your fault or the society where we reside? In my opinion it is a combination of both us and the system. To what degree, I am unsure, but it’s both.

How is the society where we live? Well for starters, over the years, more and more jobs have been shipped outside the country. And with that are the opportunities for a younger up and coming generation. Financially for a company it makes sense to pay a foreigner $3 per hour instead of $30 for you and I. The only problem is that company’s expect American’s to fork over money for products and services. This creates a bind because if we are struggling as a country economically, then how do we really contribute? This has been a platform that the president elect Trump has campaigned for; job creation.

Now there is a keyword that we keep hearing; jobs. People say, we need more jobs. There are not enough jobs for young people trying to climb the socioeconomic ladder like there predecessors. But I ask, what is a job really? When you say, I need a job, what do you mean? Working fast food is a job, but it does not pay well. Some may say, they want good money. But once again, what does that mean; what is good money. Which brings me to another reason why my generation has it hard; no direction. Saying I want a good paying job making good  money is broad and ambiguous. It is not directed at any real goal. What job title, what salary range, what city, what benefits, what growth opportunities?

Now, what are the reasons we bring this hard life upon ourselves as a generation? We millennials, spend so much of our time having fun and not preparing for anything. But a major issue with our generation is that we are growing up in a now society. Anything we want we can click and get it instantly. But careers are not instant gratifiers. The road to success through your career is long and arduous. Gratification comes through years of labor day in and day out. It’s hard to reap the benefits when you want so much now.

So, in closing, we look at our lives and have fear about our futures. Fears about what’s to come, and the idea of not knowing is stressful. So many people who at my age would be on their own, still live in the house with their parents. Today’s parents never thought their children would be living at home at the age of thirty. But because of slim opportunities they’re back home. But is it all because of job lose, maybe, just maybe it’s skills. We have so many unqualified people, it makes the job hunt seem tougher than it really is. Whatever the case may be, if this trend continues, younger generations will be having fewer children and even fewer property owners will exist.

BY 30: WHAT IS EXPECTED OF YOU BY THIS AGE?

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“Are the expectations for us realistic or not?”

It’s funny the expectations people have for you once you reach a certain age. The age 18 years old, 21 years, and now 30. By the time you reach 30 years of age parents, friends, significant others, and society expects more from you. This is the age where you’re suppose to have your life together. I guess this is why I started in my 20’s pushing toward what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Most guys go out on Fridays, I’m in a computer lab trying to focus on writing/filmmaking. But why the strain, 30 is really not that old. As a matter of fact, it’s really young.

This is why 30 is such an important part of your life. You’re 12 years out of high school, hopefully far removed from your parent’s house, and bills start to role in. You’ve been out of college for the greater portion of the past decade. And if you are in a relationship, no more late night caps of sex. Especially if you’re a guy with a woman, she’s thinking marriage. It’s when you really start wanting children if you don’t already have any. It’s also a time to reflect over your life so far. Every milestone of my own life I have been happy up to this point. 18 years old, graduating high school; 22/23 years old graduating college, now I am 29 years old looking to 30.

I am in the process of working to be self employed and I may say, it is an uphill battle. What if I fail? What if I am not as good as I thought I was? Was the past decade for me a waste? Maybe I should have just partied it up like every other guy my age and figured out life later. Who knows what will happen for me because 30 years of age is not even 12 months away. But on the other hand, I’m not the only one who feels the pressure of 30. Yet, there is something about me that sits me apart from so many my age. I don’t feel pressured to do certain things a lot of millennials my age are thinking about: children, marriage, buying a house, and making car payments.

Now, what makes 30 so difficult for my age group that is different than my older sister is that my age group will need multiple crafts/skills. It’s not good enough to work one job anymore. I talk to people I grew up with who are working professionals and struggle to survive. Let me reiterate that, “working professionals” struggling to survive! In school growing up, you’re always taught that in a professional position you should be good. But actually, they struggle just as much as non-professionals.

Why the change with this new generation. It just seems like technology is shrinking everything. But in reality technology has created more opportunities to make money. You just have to dig it up out of the ground like gold because the days of working a 9-5 for 40 hours per week and benefits are over. So, is 30 still looked at like 30 a decade or so ago. The answer is yes! 30 is still 30, and you are expected to be at a certain place mentally and financially.

So I go back to myself. Maybe the book I am about to finish writing helps build me some type of audience, maybe it does very well, or maybe it falls flat. Maybe my next short film will help me land more work in my respective field or maybe I will be forced to keep grinding. Whatever the case may be, I am in preparation for what I want. Shouldn’t that mean something. We’ll see in a year because change is important. If you are in the same mind-frame and same financial position, you probably have not done much to change your situation. These are the adjustments all adults have to make. In the end, I don’t know what next year, next month, next week, or even the next day will bring. But as long as things are better each day than the day before I am making progress. And that at this point in life is good enough for me. Because life is about the journey, not necessarily where you’re at this moment.

SOFTIES & SUCKAS: What Has Become Of Men

I was reading on a female’s timeline via Facebook. She put up a posting that talked about how she was disgusted to see a woman pushing her stroller while the father walked ahead. Doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. It was, the woman was pregnant and the humidity was unbearable. Meanwhile, the father or lack there of was walking ahead listening to music without a care in the world. She wrote on her timeline, what kind of man does this to the woman’s he’s with? Where is the consideration for her well-being? I mean then again she is with child.

But this is not an isolated incident. More and more women have brought up the idea that men have loss their sense of respect for women. They feel as if men have lost that chivalrous behavior we once had. Now, as a man, the first thing that comes to my mind is the obvious, fathers. Boys who have their fathers in their lives typically exuberate the characteristics of a gentleman because of his father. He watches his mother given respect so he knows how to behave once he becomes and adult in a relationship. Then again, I was raised by my mother and two sisters. Why don’t I carry the trait of these men?

Well, for starters, I look at life from a very rational perspective. It makes more sense to aid your pregnant girlfriend or wife. Not because I am a gentleman, but she is carrying your child. Her health and well-being in turn is going to directly affect that of the child she is carrying. So to me, it makes sense to aid her by me pushing the stroller and not her. People have always told me, “You’re a good man.” But I don’t do things necessarily because they’re good, it just makes sense to me.

So if it makes sense to me, why doesn’t it make sense to the men who don’t care. What is it about the selfish behavior, that he doesn’t even see the selfish behavior? Because I doubt the man who left his girlfriend/wife to push the stroller even noticed he was being selfish. And that’s the scary aspect, is that he probably doesn’t even see the fault in what he’s doing wrong. Scary, but true; some people are just flat out ignorant and oblivious to the world around them. But I like to asked the question, “Who are these women dating or even marrying these men?

From my best guess as to the reason why a woman could even entertain this type of man says a lot about her as well. You see, growing up, I would look at certain females and ask why she’s not into me. Then I look at the guys she’s attracted to and think to myself, “She’s doing me a favor.” “My life would be miserable if I got with a woman like her.” You see, some women would rather be with “A” nobody, than nobody at all. Why?

Well, the problem is that when little girls are treated as less than as children, they grow to be women with a lack of self respect. Then, they seek outside for a man to define their existence. He gives them what they think is something to hold on to, his promises. And she gives him what she only has to give, her body. It’s why she keeps having children with this man over and over again. No one taught her or him self worth, so they are actually in a strange way mutually compatible.

It still doesn’t answer all the questions as to why she chose him. Another reason is that women are used to saying men ain’t this and men ain’t that. You meet a guy with actual defined goals, whose hard working and epitomizes respect it forces you to drop that, “he ain’t shit mentality.” “He ain’t shit,” is a crutch that makes your life easy. Meaning, pick a loser so that it continues to align with my inner core belief of what men are. This way I choose bad so if it goes bad I don’t look to bad. Because hey, like I said, wasn’t worth nothing anyways.

But wait a minute, doesn’t that make you still look like a fool. Choose a loser, hoping he’s good, then he is a loser, and you think it doesn’t reflect on you. Ahh, I get it, you don’t want to look bad. You don’t want a good situation and lose it, then all eyes are on you. The thing is, all eyes are already on you. Inevitably, you’ll eventually have to straighten up. Either hold him to task or watch your children follow in his footsteps. Your daughter will grow to carry false illusions of who men are, and your son will lack responsibility; selfishly going through life as if someone owes him something.

ADULTHOOD: The Fear of Not Meeting Expectations

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“Failure to Launch or Fear of Launch?”

 As an adult, do some of us self sabotage or are some just flat out lazy at it pertains to working hard in life. There are young men and women who are in their early 30’s still living at home with their parents. And no, I am not talking about because they fell on hard times and need a place to crash until they get on their feet. I am speaking of the people who have this failure to launch. But is it always the failure to launch, or the fear of launching.

First let’s observe the failure to launch. A topic that has actually been produced into a feature film starring Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker. Why do so many men and women almost self sabotage to keep from stepping into the real world. Well, in the movie, McConaughhey fiance died, which sent him on this spiral of not moving out of his parent’s house. In my opinion, people get comfortable in an environment where they don’t have to try too hard because they can’t handle the pressure that comes with succeeding.

That not wanting to grow up does not just relate to living at home. It also extends into people’s intimate relationships as well. A guy meets a female, but still lives at home with his parents at age 29 years old. The female excepts it at first, but wonders why he won’t move in with her. I tries everything in his power to not have to leave the comforts of his parent’s house. She winds-up leaving him for a more stable man with his own place. Well, why wouldn’t he just move in with her? He’s 29 years old; you would think a man almost 30 years old would move in with his girlfriend.

The reality is no, he just wants to live at home. Why, because at home no dishes to wash, mom makes his meals, mom washes his clothes. He does nothing much for himself. So responsibility becomes the reason for his inability to grow-up. Or is it his fear of launching. Maybe he has this fear that is engrained that is not based around laziness. More so it is a fear that if he launches, he will crash. Not everyone who shoots off the launch pad soars, some people crash.

But isn’t that part of life is crashing? Don’t every successful person have a low moment in their lives where they crash. Resilience; how well you bounce back is the key to overcoming these obstacles. You would think parents would instill these principles in their children. Or maybe they do, and children still carry fear. Now you go, “What 30 year old man is afraid to launch?” “By this age you know failure happens.” “You know the climb to what you want in life takes long hard work.” “So what is it really?”

To further what I said earlier about being comfortable, allowing someone else to take on the responsibility is comfortable, too comfortable. The only problem is that if that person shall get sick or die, you’re screwed. Now you’re forced to live in society that is unfamiliar to you because you never had to hunt for what’s yours. You don’t know real disappointment so you don’t have the ability to bounce back. In the end it’s detrimental and can lead to loss of relationships, friendships, job opportunities, personal issues (depression and loss of confidence), and parental shame. There will always be people with a fear or failure step into the world. Doesn’t have to be you, and can stop tomorrow if you’re willing to put in the work.