COPING WITH LOSS: HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

Image result for cemetery

“We all cope in different ways.”


One of the hardest, if not the hardest moment of your life is losing a loved one. We all have these ideas of how we’re going to deal with the situation. We even go as far as purchasing insurance and putting together wills for when that time comes. But even with all the preparation it’s still a sudden blow to the family. So what is your way in which you have learned to cope with the death of a close family member? We all have our way of dealing. I know in my life time I have lost three close relatives: all three were my grandparents. And even though they were elderly, you’re never ready for them to go.

Some people become what I call the reclusive types. They go and hide, and no one sees them for a very long time. The sudden death is too much for them to deal with, so they have to get away. It takes these people sometimes years to gain the courage to visit the grave site of a loved one. And depending on how they died, it could really have taken a toll on reclusive people. In addition to the death and how the person died, reclusive people might also be a solitary type of person anyways. So the death just added to the further recluse behavior.

Now the other group of people who cope with death are the people known as the abusive types. These are people who usually deal with a lose by turning to some form of self-deprecating behavior. The harm to ones’ self can come in the form of drugs, sex, and/or alcohol. They are people who already have a hard time dealing with any minimal lose. Now they have to live with this major lose. So it wears down on them to the point they themselves become a detriment to their lives and people around them.

Now, another group of people are known as the spiritual types. They look at death and try to find the religious angle in coping. Their belief is that the person is somewhere better than here. The struggle in life is over and the person is on to something far more greater. And this coping mechanism makes it easier to deal with their own mortality. The end is a very terrifying realization, so to be able to look death in the eyes and deal with that, it’s quite uplifting. Yet, there is still one more group of people who cope with death that is different than the rest.

The last group are the types that fall under the category of realist. They are geared toward a less spiritual outlook. Thy tend to be more scientific in their viewpoint. They don’t abuse alcohol or substances, nor do they become recluse. These realist look at life and go, we all will die. The human body is only made to live 40 years, so the fact that we get 78 years is a miracle in disguise. Anything beyond 78 years and life is fair to this bunch; beyond fair. To these people, why asks for more, when there is so much greatness right here on Earth to experience.

In the end, we all have ways that we deal with death. I can’t say one person’s way is better than another way. It’s however you’re able to deal with death. I’ll say that if I were more of one than the others, I would be more of the recluse type. It’s a lot easier for me to look at death out of mind out of sight. Still thinking about the person, but place the death somewhat to the back of your mind. I’ll remember more good times than bad so I don’t have to deal with the constant death reminder.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/ (PERSONAL WEBSITE)

https://www.facebook.com/fjacks063 (FAN PAGE)

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011   

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

LAST WISH: IF YOU DIED TONIGHT HOW HAPPY ARE YOU WITH YOUR LIFE THUS FAR

ancient, architecture, columns

“I’m fine with my life, how about you?”


We all think about death and whether we believe it or not, we fear on some level. But is there ever a right time to die in life? Is there an appropriate age to pass away. My great-grandmother was shy of her 100th birthday when she died. The average person lives to be 78, so nearly 100 years on this earth is a big deal. But I have a theory when it comes to death. My theory is that people are not more so afraid of death than they are dying young or leaving young children behind. Living a long fulfilling life is important and seeing your children grow is important.

When you are a young child and first learn that you will die some day, there is this fear that sets internally. But you grow to understand that most people die old. That’s until you start to see people around you die at young ages: 30 years old, 25 years old, or even 18 years old. Then you start to cringe at the idea that life could be that short for yourself. You lose someone at that young of an age and then mortality really sets internally. You have fear, but you also have a sense of urgency as well. And what about children; we fear passing and leaving behind a small child or children. As long as the child or children of ours is an adult and can care for themselves, we’re fine.

But the real question I want to ask is how good are you with life thus far? If you had to exit this Earth today, where is your at this moment? Or better yet, as you look over life thus far, can you say it meant something? A lot of people can’t say their lives meant something. The movie All Eyez On Me, the biopic chronicling the life of rapper 2Pac Shakur was recently released. He was killed at the age of only 25, but his name is ingrained in history. How many 25 year olds have a global impact on people that has lasted over 20 years? So it’s not just age, it’s your time spent on this Earth. But what if you didn’t live the life you wanted?

There are so many people who are not living their full life. So if they were to die today, their whole lives were for nothing. What heartache that must be; to live a lifetime and then realize it meant nothing. I guess that’s why people’s belief in God is so strong. Because if you can’t see more with here and now, then maybe there is something for you after. Now when asking myself this question, I am kind of on the fence. Thus far in my life I am living a fulfilling life, but I also have so much I still want to accomplish. I know the ideas in my head I want to cultivate even though no one else does.

In the end, we fear dying so much because we don’t want the end to mean nothing. There is a poor guy somewhere that no one cares about. I live in New York City, and you see it everyday. And when he dies that is it. No one will care and his body will be placed wherever there is room for him, if any. That must feel awful for that person, because I know there are people who love me. And if only those that have little to lose and gain could feel that same love, they would be better off themselves.


https://www.facebook.com/groups/1777548702458281/

https://faheemjackson.squarespace.com/

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Afaheem+jackson&keywords=faheem+jackson&ie=UTF8&qid=1492966094&rnid=2941120011 

@fjackson12345 Instagram

@2320howe Twitter

COPING MECHANISM: HOW WE DEAL WITH OUR OWN ENDING

Related image

“How do you cope with your mortality?”


All of us have thought about what it would be like once we eventually pass away. But how do you properly prepare yourself for your ending is tough. No one wants to ever think that once they leave this place, this is it and that’s that. So what does most of us do; we cope. We find ways to cope with the idea of us dying one day. What are some of the ways that we cope as people so we can deal with the end of our lives? Some people live life to the fullest having fun, some people donate their time and money, while others spend their time pursuing various career endeavors.

People who live life to the fullest are the people who wake up everyday and have fun. They make sure they have enough to cover their cost of living and after that, it’s a party. They live by the ride ’til the wheels fall off type of lifestyle. Work hard and play even harder in life. This way you can have fun memories forever. This way once you reach the end of your life, you can look back and say, “Man I had a good time.” But some may say, there is more you can do with your life than just partying. There are other ways to cope with the end of your life.  What about spending your time and money to helping others in life?

These people volunteer their time to help others in a way that will not only help those in need, but also bring comfort to themselves. Another aspect of giving is the idea that giving their money is a way of coping. There is this inner feeling of euphoria that comes with helping people who are less fortunate than yourself. It’s that feeling that makes us not lose sight of why we should appreciate our own circumstance. If not for what I have been brought through it could easily have been me. So the giving up our time and money helps us look over life and say, “My time spent here is worth exiting in the end.” But is there another way that people try to cope with their end?

The third way I came up with is pursuing a career endeavor as a way to cope. This way with coping is saying to yourself, “After the lights go out, they’re out for good.” “So go for the gusto because it won’t matter after you’re gone.” These people start out at a young age working toward their goals, achieve their goals, so they can say they pursued everything they’ve ever wanted to pursue. So many people spend their days going to work coming home, and that’s it. But the career driven people spend their days chasing dreams so they can look to the end of their lives and say, “I got everything I have ever wanted.” “And now I can accept my ending.

In the end, we all have these ways of trying to cope with the end of our lives. Some deal by means in enjoying their lives, some by means of donating time and money, and others by means of focusing on a career. I, myself have mine, as with anyone else. There are many other coping mechanism, but the previous ones were just a few. Until we learn to accept our ending, then we will always find ways to cope with our mortality.