SOFTIES & SUCKAS: What Has Become Of Men

I was reading on a female’s timeline via Facebook. She put up a posting that talked about how she was disgusted to see a woman pushing her stroller while the father walked ahead. Doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. It was, the woman was pregnant and the humidity was unbearable. Meanwhile, the father or lack there of was walking ahead listening to music without a care in the world. She wrote on her timeline, what kind of man does this to the woman’s he’s with? Where is the consideration for her well-being? I mean then again she is with child.

But this is not an isolated incident. More and more women have brought up the idea that men have loss their sense of respect for women. They feel as if men have lost that chivalrous behavior we once had. Now, as a man, the first thing that comes to my mind is the obvious, fathers. Boys who have their fathers in their lives typically exuberate the characteristics of a gentleman because of his father. He watches his mother given respect so he knows how to behave once he becomes and adult in a relationship. Then again, I was raised by my mother and two sisters. Why don’t I carry the trait of these men?

Well, for starters, I look at life from a very rational perspective. It makes more sense to aid your pregnant girlfriend or wife. Not because I am a gentleman, but she is carrying your child. Her health and well-being in turn is going to directly affect that of the child she is carrying. So to me, it makes sense to aid her by me pushing the stroller and not her. People have always told me, “You’re a good man.” But I don’t do things necessarily because they’re good, it just makes sense to me.

So if it makes sense to me, why doesn’t it make sense to the men who don’t care. What is it about the selfish behavior, that he doesn’t even see the selfish behavior? Because I doubt the man who left his girlfriend/wife to push the stroller even noticed he was being selfish. And that’s the scary aspect, is that he probably doesn’t even see the fault in what he’s doing wrong. Scary, but true; some people are just flat out ignorant and oblivious to the world around them. But I like to asked the question, “Who are these women dating or even marrying these men?

From my best guess as to the reason why a woman could even entertain this type of man says a lot about her as well. You see, growing up, I would look at certain females and ask why she’s not into me. Then I look at the guys she’s attracted to and think to myself, “She’s doing me a favor.” “My life would be miserable if I got with a woman like her.” You see, some women would rather be with “A” nobody, than nobody at all. Why?

Well, the problem is that when little girls are treated as less than as children, they grow to be women with a lack of self respect. Then, they seek outside for a man to define their existence. He gives them what they think is something to hold on to, his promises. And she gives him what she only has to give, her body. It’s why she keeps having children with this man over and over again. No one taught her or him self worth, so they are actually in a strange way mutually compatible.

It still doesn’t answer all the questions as to why she chose him. Another reason is that women are used to saying men ain’t this and men ain’t that. You meet a guy with actual defined goals, whose hard working and epitomizes respect it forces you to drop that, “he ain’t shit mentality.” “He ain’t shit,” is a crutch that makes your life easy. Meaning, pick a loser so that it continues to align with my inner core belief of what men are. This way I choose bad so if it goes bad I don’t look to bad. Because hey, like I said, wasn’t worth nothing anyways.

But wait a minute, doesn’t that make you still look like a fool. Choose a loser, hoping he’s good, then he is a loser, and you think it doesn’t reflect on you. Ahh, I get it, you don’t want to look bad. You don’t want a good situation and lose it, then all eyes are on you. The thing is, all eyes are already on you. Inevitably, you’ll eventually have to straighten up. Either hold him to task or watch your children follow in his footsteps. Your daughter will grow to carry false illusions of who men are, and your son will lack responsibility; selfishly going through life as if someone owes him something.

I Do Means I Don’t, I Can’t, and I Won’t

Image result for wedding ring“The diminishing attraction of I do.”

Boy meets girl, girl says yes. Boy and girl start dating, boy and girl get really serious. Boy proposes, girl says yes, boy and girl get married. Boy says I do, girl says I do, boy and girl live happily ever after. This is the case for most people, or so most people think. Well I’m wondering how is this so, when the divorce rate in America has already surpassed 60%. We focus on the expectations of marriage, but what about the human element of marriage. Well, the human element; what is the human element?

When I say the human element, I mean is monogamy normal? Is it normal for someone to meet another person at a young age. They get married, stay together until the day they both or one past away. And even after the death of a spouse you’re sometimes expected to never marry again. It sounds like a great idea initially. I mean, you get to have a companion for the rest of your life. Whenever you’re sick there is someone there to care for you. You lose your job, there’s someone to aid in picking up the slack. Even a parent who can assist in the raising of a child so you’re doing the work alone.

What about more of the human aspects, the biological. Why when people say I do, it becomes I don’t, I can’t,  and I won’t? Why when marriage comes into play the consistency of the things you did before diminishes? I am not married, but from my basic understanding of the human species I have observed certain characteristics as to way relationships fall off. For starters, a reason as to why most fail is quite obvious, money.

When you meet in your 20’s it’s ok to have money woes. You live in a 400-500 square foot apartment. Hey, who cares, as long as you’re having a good time right. Wrong because with marriage comes even higher standards and expectations. That 400-500 square foot apartment must be upgraded to 2,000-3,000 square feet. That cute apartment in the city becomes a home in a suburb. That bicycle turns into a caravan or SUV. And that takeout becomes groceries each month. Why, well it’s because children typically come soon. Like that riddle, “First comes marriage, then comes a baby.”

Now you have yourself a home, with a mortgage payment. You have a child, car note, utilities, student loans, food, and medical bills. Then the problems start because the bills start stacking up. From the bills comes the arguments, then comes the sleeping in separate rooms. After that comes the separation, then divorce. Money just drains so much from you and compounds problems if you have money woes. But there are other issues such as attraction that ends marriages as well.

When you first meet someone you’re attracted, but marriage comes into play and attractions become second to the marriage. Like I said I am looking at the human element of what we are as people. Our human attractions toward someone comes from a desire. A desire to what the other person. Desire goes away because the thing that brought them together goes away. For instance, if I desire to buy a luxury vehicle, I’m attracted to having this car. Then once I buy the car the desire eventually goes away. People look at you at go wow, nice car, but to you it’s just a car. Desire leaves, why because you might need a paint job. Give your car a new look, so you look forward to driving the car.

Continuing a desire for something makes you want it. But the less desire conversely makes you not want it. Which brings me to the next reason marriages fail. You just know they’ll be there everyday, so hey why worry about missing out; they’ll be here tomorrow. In dating, you don’t know they’re going to be here tomorrow, savior the moment today. Taking for granted something is here today and tomorrow is something we all do. “Why call the person now, I’ll wait until they get home.” “Why keep myself looking good, I’m only with so and so.”

And there you have it, I’m not doing that, I can’t do that, I won’t do that. But in dating I’ll do it, I can, and I will. Human relationships diminish because we as people need to continue to desire something to continue to want it and work to keep it. What happens when Millennials turn 40 or 50 years of age? I just wonder what will come of my generation if it’s 60% today.