SOFTIES & SUCKAS: What Has Become Of Men

I was reading on a female’s timeline via Facebook. She put up a posting that talked about how she was disgusted to see a woman pushing her stroller while the father walked ahead. Doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. It was, the woman was pregnant and the humidity was unbearable. Meanwhile, the father or lack there of was walking ahead listening to music without a care in the world. She wrote on her timeline, what kind of man does this to the woman’s he’s with? Where is the consideration for her well-being? I mean then again she is with child.

But this is not an isolated incident. More and more women have brought up the idea that men have loss their sense of respect for women. They feel as if men have lost that chivalrous behavior we once had. Now, as a man, the first thing that comes to my mind is the obvious, fathers. Boys who have their fathers in their lives typically exuberate the characteristics of a gentleman because of his father. He watches his mother given respect so he knows how to behave once he becomes and adult in a relationship. Then again, I was raised by my mother and two sisters. Why don’t I carry the trait of these men?

Well, for starters, I look at life from a very rational perspective. It makes more sense to aid your pregnant girlfriend or wife. Not because I am a gentleman, but she is carrying your child. Her health and well-being in turn is going to directly affect that of the child she is carrying. So to me, it makes sense to aid her by me pushing the stroller and not her. People have always told me, “You’re a good man.” But I don’t do things necessarily because they’re good, it just makes sense to me.

So if it makes sense to me, why doesn’t it make sense to the men who don’t care. What is it about the selfish behavior, that he doesn’t even see the selfish behavior? Because I doubt the man who left his girlfriend/wife to push the stroller even noticed he was being selfish. And that’s the scary aspect, is that he probably doesn’t even see the fault in what he’s doing wrong. Scary, but true; some people are just flat out ignorant and oblivious to the world around them. But I like to asked the question, “Who are these women dating or even marrying these men?

From my best guess as to the reason why a woman could even entertain this type of man says a lot about her as well. You see, growing up, I would look at certain females and ask why she’s not into me. Then I look at the guys she’s attracted to and think to myself, “She’s doing me a favor.” “My life would be miserable if I got with a woman like her.” You see, some women would rather be with “A” nobody, than nobody at all. Why?

Well, the problem is that when little girls are treated as less than as children, they grow to be women with a lack of self respect. Then, they seek outside for a man to define their existence. He gives them what they think is something to hold on to, his promises. And she gives him what she only has to give, her body. It’s why she keeps having children with this man over and over again. No one taught her or him self worth, so they are actually in a strange way mutually compatible.

It still doesn’t answer all the questions as to why she chose him. Another reason is that women are used to saying men ain’t this and men ain’t that. You meet a guy with actual defined goals, whose hard working and epitomizes respect it forces you to drop that, “he ain’t shit mentality.” “He ain’t shit,” is a crutch that makes your life easy. Meaning, pick a loser so that it continues to align with my inner core belief of what men are. This way I choose bad so if it goes bad I don’t look to bad. Because hey, like I said, wasn’t worth nothing anyways.

But wait a minute, doesn’t that make you still look like a fool. Choose a loser, hoping he’s good, then he is a loser, and you think it doesn’t reflect on you. Ahh, I get it, you don’t want to look bad. You don’t want a good situation and lose it, then all eyes are on you. The thing is, all eyes are already on you. Inevitably, you’ll eventually have to straighten up. Either hold him to task or watch your children follow in his footsteps. Your daughter will grow to carry false illusions of who men are, and your son will lack responsibility; selfishly going through life as if someone owes him something.

TIME OUT!

Image result for belt

“Is it good or is it bad?”

How many people give their children whippings if they misbehave? Is it good to whoop your child or is not ok? What are the lasting effects of a child that receives a whooping? We have even adopted a term to describe the whooping as, “Corporal Punishment.” Wow, corporal, is it really that serious? A little tap on the butt for misbehaving is corporal, really? Trust me, I understand the deep physical wounds that are left on the bodies of some young people. Is there a right way to whoop your child without leaving wounds? But if you are whooping that child, yet attempting to not leave wounds, isn’t that just as damaging?

Well I guess it depends on the household, ethnicity, generation, and region of the country. To me, I think it depends on the house, your age, and the region of America on how a child shall be punished for breaking rules. For starters, I look at the household. In the household where I was raised, you knew that get a whooping was for something serious: skipping school, drugs, weapons, and/or disrespecting adults.

Now, there are exceptions to drugs and weapons. I mean, what would you do if your kid got caught with drugs and a gun. But disrespecting an adult, is that really deserving of a whooping. Some believe in the time out method, but a whooping is what is known as lights out. The lights out method is a real good whooping where your mother or father become tired afterward.

Wow, whooping to the point of fatigue. Is that really necessary? Well, if not household, maybe there is a generational reason for whippings. Because kids today don’t get as many whippings as the Lost Generation of the 1910’s and 1920’s. They were hard, they were stern, and you know they meant business. There were no if ands or buts; you got out of line, you got whacked. And this didn’t stop at home. In those days you could whoop a kid in school. Imagine that, a whooping in today’s sensitive society. That teacher would be fired on the spot.

But then again, there were no school shootings and more respect for your educator was instilled as well. Maybe they was on to something back then. You there was always going to be a physical repercussion for getting an attitude. On the other hand, this was also a generation that held on to a lot of pain and trauma. There was no talking things through, just straight action. It’s almost as if they believed talking things out made you weak.

So if it’s not generational, what about ethnicity. I know at least being raised in a Black household you get whooped. You not only get whooped, but you get beatings. I mean mother and father out of breathe beatings. I’m talking you can barely sit or sleep beatings. I’m talking welts on your back from extension cord beatings. I’m talking, wait a minute, that sounds traumatic.

Of course it’s traumatic, but when you observe Black history you go, “I get it.” We punished our children so harshly because rearing them hard at home meant less attacks from the outside world that wasn’t too fond of Black people. But beating your children so other won’t sounds crazy. and you know what it is, which leads to traumatic life experiences.

Now, that leaves one more reason why whooping a kid is fine among some people. And that is region. Depending on what region you come from, whippings are fine. If you are from the south, views on whippings are different than the west coast. For instance, Texas views are different than Rhode Island views. The viewpoints are so strong in the south, they are known as the, “bible belt.”

Whatever the case may be, this has and will always be an issue to a lot of people. As a matter of fact, the more time goes on, we are less prone to whoop kids. We’re not receptive like our past generations. And that’s what it boils down to is generational. No matter the region, household, or ethnicity, everyone in the past got whippings. But time progresses we get softer and softer. So in the end maybe we are moving in the right direction; at least I hope so.

Get Ish Done!

Image result for hard work

“Success is an uphill battle.”

We all know what it is, we all think we do it, but few actually do. What am I talking about, I’m talking about the grind. I always hear how people talk about the grind, the grind, the grind. But how many people actually are on their grind. Let me tell you about my daily grind.

5:00 am – Waking up

5:30 am – Leaving for part time job

7:00 am – start work

11:00 am/Noon – off work

12:00 pm/1:00pm – working on storyboard for my next short film, wordpress blogging posts

4:00 pm – 8:00 pm – (sometimes work second shift on job)

5:00 pm – writing and structuring my novel/short stories/videoblogging

10:40 pm – leave computer lab

12:20 am – sleep

7 days per week.

That’s right, my goal is film making and I make it a lifestyle. I am not talking about it, but I am actually doing instead of talking. How come people don’t do, but talk? My best guess is that they are in a romantic daydream by talking. The daydream becomes real once they embark on that road of grinding. That’s a scary decision to make also. I mean come on, who is willing to put so much of their life on hold for building their future.

Come on, guys my age are thinking about work, hooking up, and blazing up. But me, I am constantly thinking, what is my next move. Oh, and by the way I just started my YouTube channel of building awareness for my upcoming projects. My second short film in the spring, my novel and short story book by the beginning of the winter, as well as my daily blog posts on WordPress. This will be my base to start from when also trying to catch the attention of a literary agency.

So as you can see, I am in a race. I am in a race against time. When you’re in the paradigm it seems like an eternity. Why does time drag when you’re grinding and hustling? I wish I knew how to speed up the clocks to the point where I am successful at what I do. But why click forward, these experiences are just what I need to make myself successful and maintain a strong career. I always remember the quote, “Opportunity meets preparation.” Everything I do is in preparation for my future. Now let me ask you something, what is your daily grind?

ADULTHOOD: The Fear of Not Meeting Expectations

Image result for fear

“Failure to Launch or Fear of Launch?”

 As an adult, do some of us self sabotage or are some just flat out lazy at it pertains to working hard in life. There are young men and women who are in their early 30’s still living at home with their parents. And no, I am not talking about because they fell on hard times and need a place to crash until they get on their feet. I am speaking of the people who have this failure to launch. But is it always the failure to launch, or the fear of launching.

First let’s observe the failure to launch. A topic that has actually been produced into a feature film starring Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker. Why do so many men and women almost self sabotage to keep from stepping into the real world. Well, in the movie, McConaughhey fiance died, which sent him on this spiral of not moving out of his parent’s house. In my opinion, people get comfortable in an environment where they don’t have to try too hard because they can’t handle the pressure that comes with succeeding.

That not wanting to grow up does not just relate to living at home. It also extends into people’s intimate relationships as well. A guy meets a female, but still lives at home with his parents at age 29 years old. The female excepts it at first, but wonders why he won’t move in with her. I tries everything in his power to not have to leave the comforts of his parent’s house. She winds-up leaving him for a more stable man with his own place. Well, why wouldn’t he just move in with her? He’s 29 years old; you would think a man almost 30 years old would move in with his girlfriend.

The reality is no, he just wants to live at home. Why, because at home no dishes to wash, mom makes his meals, mom washes his clothes. He does nothing much for himself. So responsibility becomes the reason for his inability to grow-up. Or is it his fear of launching. Maybe he has this fear that is engrained that is not based around laziness. More so it is a fear that if he launches, he will crash. Not everyone who shoots off the launch pad soars, some people crash.

But isn’t that part of life is crashing? Don’t every successful person have a low moment in their lives where they crash. Resilience; how well you bounce back is the key to overcoming these obstacles. You would think parents would instill these principles in their children. Or maybe they do, and children still carry fear. Now you go, “What 30 year old man is afraid to launch?” “By this age you know failure happens.” “You know the climb to what you want in life takes long hard work.” “So what is it really?”

To further what I said earlier about being comfortable, allowing someone else to take on the responsibility is comfortable, too comfortable. The only problem is that if that person shall get sick or die, you’re screwed. Now you’re forced to live in society that is unfamiliar to you because you never had to hunt for what’s yours. You don’t know real disappointment so you don’t have the ability to bounce back. In the end it’s detrimental and can lead to loss of relationships, friendships, job opportunities, personal issues (depression and loss of confidence), and parental shame. There will always be people with a fear or failure step into the world. Doesn’t have to be you, and can stop tomorrow if you’re willing to put in the work.

ONE HOUR

5:00 P.M.

The President of the United States has just finished his speech at the podium. As he walks away and proceeds out the room; the press media screams Mr. President. He makes his way down a long stretch of hallway which consist of ivory beams, red velvet carpeting, and wall paintings. Secret Servicemen are in front of him as well as behind him. A White House Aide walks next to him as they prepare to exit the premises (5:05 p.m.).

5:06 P.M.

Out the front door the President emerges with his secret service protection and his Aide. The President enters his limousine, while servicemen quickly enter sports utility vehicles. Congregation of police squad cars await the gates of the White House opening, as the President’s limousine pulls toward the gates. Once the gates open, the two sports utility vehicles are first out of the confines of the White House property. The limousine exits the premises, as two more sports utility vehicles follow. The sirens of the police squad cars blare, as they follow the President’s limousine and the four sports utility vehicles (5:10 p.m.).

5:11 P.M.

The President’s motorcade drives through the streets as pedestrians stop and stare, some take pictures. The police drive ahead of the sports utility vehicles, cutting off traffic as the President’s limousine speeds by cut off cars. Police drive away from cut off cars to catch up to the rest of the motorcade. The motorcade continues to hold up traffic, eventually making its way to a hotel. The police squad cars block off the hotel’s perimeter, as the sports utility vehicles and the President’s limousine enter underground parking of the hotel (5:20 p.m.).

5:23 P.M.

The President walks with group of secret servicemen, and his Aide as they proceed to an underground elevator. A maintenance worker is in the elevator once the doors open, startling the President and his servicemen. The worker is apprehended and held by a few servicemen, as the other servicemen enter the elevator with the President and the Aide (5:24 p.m.).

5:25 P.M.

The servicemen exit the elevator with the Aide and the President. They all walk from the elevators, pass the lobby, down an even longer hallway. Once all the men reach close to their destination, three hotel maids exit an elevator near the ballroom doors. Servicemen surrounding the President and Aide move in on the maids, in an attempt to protect the President. Servicemen standing at the door, make ready to open the ballroom doors. The Aide prepares to follow the President, but he receives a text message to come to the lobby. The Aide walks away, as the doors open and the President enters, as cameras flash and people clap their hands (5:28 p.m.).

5:29 P.M.

A stage is not far from the door, as the President walks up to the podium. The room full of people continue to clap, as the President allows them to take their seats. The President is momentarily distracted as he stares in the direction of servicemen standing at the door. Another serviceman enters the ballroom and whispers in the ear of another serviceman at the door. The whisperer stands at the door as the other serviceman leaves the ballroom. The President begins his speech (5:32 p.m.).

6:00 P.M

The President says thank you, as the room stands to applaud. As he prepares to walk away from the podium, the serviceman whisperer approaches the stage from the front. The President makes eye contact with him as the whisperer pulls his gun, shooting the President. Groups of servicemen race toward the man whom just shot the President, shooting and killing him. The President lies on stage, while the room goes in mass chaos. Servicemen yelling for a medic, but there is no use, the President is dead (6:05 p.m.).

How did it happen, how did the President of the United States manage to get assassinated by an individual in such a well-guarded room? I, being a detective wanted to figure out how something like this could happen. The last assassination attempt on a President was Ronald Reagan, and since then, we have managed to protect the President quite well. I have a series of issues from beginning to end. For starters, secret service dropped the ball in the beginning by getting their sports utility vehicles before the President was securely in his limousine. My next issue is that police had to cut off traffic; which I feel shouldn’t have taken place to be begin with. If it were up to me, all those streets leading to the President’s destination would have been blocked off. As police were blocking streets, they broke up the protective motorcade around the President’s limousine; leaving him open to attack.

Once at the hotel, I would not have allowed all the police to stay on the street, while only four sports utility vehicles followed the limousine underground. Police officers should have been underground with the President, serving as additional protection. From there the problems really start, how did that maintenance worker come from that elevator? Who allowed that worker down elevator, knowing the President was coming up? This forced servicemen to stay with the worker, taking away from the President protection. Then there were the maids, why were those workers exiting the elevator in front of the President’s entrance into the ballroom? Someone would have been reprimanded if I found out who allowed them access because more men were forced to stay with the maids. Now the only protection the President had was a few servicemen, as well as two more at the entrance.

The President entering the room unprotected, as he stepped onto the stage. Big mistake because cameras were flashing, forcing the President to be temporarily disoriented. He should have never been allowed access to that stage by himself. What a lousy job the secret service had done up to this point with the President; such a disappointment. As the President finished his speech and prepared to exit the stage, where were the service protection? How was it so, that only one man walked toward the stage? Who was he and why did he replace the other serviceman at the door? Why was he allowed to shoot the President? I’ll tell you why he was able to; I’ll tell you why there were so many mishaps.

My name is Steve, I was born September 20, 1975 in Richmond, Virginia. All my life I wanted to work at the White House with the President of the United States. So when I was called to serve, I was more than willing to assist my country. That is until my country chose a leader who I felt was not interested in me or my country. So what does my life have to do with the President’s death? You want to know why there were so many mistakes. Oh no, I wasn’t the gunman, if that’s what you’re thinking. Shooting guns were never my forte. I was the man who created the setup for his assassination. Yes me, the President’s Aide. That’s right, who else knew as much about his schedule, the route, the destination, and his entrance into the ballroom, but me. Now the lack of security for the President and irresponsibility of the streets not being blocked off, that’s coincidence. On the other hand, that maintenance worker, my plan, the maids, my plan, and the stage guy, my plan. That’s right, executed perfectly from beginning to the end. Wait a minute, hold on, there is a knock at the door, “Who is it?” “FBI, open up!” “Holy shit, how the hell did they find out?” My door is kicked in, they barge in, guns drawn, proceeding to arrest me.

HOLLA, WE WANT PRENUP! WE WANT PRENUP!

Image result for prenup

“I love you, but can you sign something for me?”

How do you go about bringing this up to a spouse? “So sweetie, you I know love and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” “But before we go any further do you mind looking over some paperwork with me?” She replies, “Sure what is it a marital license, the mortgage for our new home, the will..” Then you interject, “No, the prenup (cough)! She says, “Hmm?” You say, “The prenuptial agreement.” And with a exclamatory reply she goes, “Prenup, what the hell for!”

GULP! What is the right way to introduce this into a relationship? How in one breathe do you speak love, then the next ask for signed documentation? Documentation which will protect your assets in the case of divorce. Well first you have to ask yourself why is such a document necessary for starters. It’s necessary because of the high divorce rates, that’s why.

In the United States today, the divorce is close to 65% after only 5 years of marriage. I don’t know about you, but knowing you may have to split assets with someone you’ve only been with for 5 years seems kind of unfair. If you were married for 25 years, or 30 years, or 40 years, then yes, but 5. The reason I say 25 years or more is because at least there was a long term investment into the relationship. The 5 year plan seems like more of a business exchange than a marriage.

And that is where the prenuptial agreement comes into play. Marriage has become an in and out business today in America. Meet someone whose financially stable, get your 5 years in, and see ya later. But if you’re a man without any money, than a woman has no interest. Now if you are a man of means, this could be somewhat of concern. So is the way to protecting yourself not succeeding and striving in life. Because think about, you work all these years and someone comes and goes, “I’m not happy.”

So what, my future should now be determined on if you’re happy or not. So if I am happy and you’re not, than I have to lose in life. So now you think to yourself, what’s the purpose in working hard in life. Why push if you’re not going to be able to reap the benefits of your labor? As a man, you work so that one day you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your hard work. But if you’re only working just to one day hand it all over why work at all. Divorce has become the reason to be a total loser.

Women say that it’s not fair, fine let’s flip it. As a woman, you make $100,000 a year, would you marry a $30,000 a year man. It’s hard to do so, why because even you know as a woman that is not a business smart decision. So if you’re not willing to give up anything you worked for, why are you so ready for us to do so? A woman goes, “You need to be at my level.” But how often do you go, “I need to be on his level.” It’s easy to talk love and marriage when you have a lot less to lose.

This is why when people who make a certain amount of income wed, they need to have these discussions. But asking your wife to sign a prenup when you are a construction worker, police officer, garbage truck driver, etc. can be tough. Her reply would be, “You don’t have anything to take.” “Why sign a prenup?” Well that’s where she’s wrong. These men in these job titles are the ones who need prenups the most. If you’re athlete with $50 million and your wife gets $20 – $25 million, then you’re still good. But if you make $35,000 and your wife gets $10,000 – $15,000, you could be in trouble financially.

Which brings me to the after affects of divorce. One of the leading indicators of poverty amongst men is divorce. Conversely the leading indicator of wealth amongst women is marriage. So now you can see why a prenuptial agreement conversation can be one of much debate. It’s still the come up of a woman in America, but the lose of wealth among men. Yet, marriage is not on the decline in this country.

Maybe marriage is still going strong, well getting married at least, because people want to believe. Everyone wants to believe those numbers will change with them. Everyone goes not my husband, not my wife. We have something special with each other. We have a bond that’s bigger than money. And that’s just it. We as humans know it can be a crap shoot, but want to believe that the person in our lives would never leave. Yet year after year, the divorce cases pile on the desk of attorneys.

It’s 65% today what, 80% in the future. No matter how you look at it, marriage is still a great union, but in today’s society we have no other option at times but to treat it as it is. A union whereas two people are pooling together finances to gauge how well this relationship will work. Which dwindles down to a business contract that is an investment into our future together.

SECRETS: How Much Do You Really Know About Your Spouse.

Image result for trust

“Are you hiding something?”

You meet someone, and you start dating. Before you know it, you’re moving in with this person. Eventually the topic of marriage comes up. But by this time, you should already know a lot about the person you’re planning on spending the rest of your life with; or not. My last post talked about people’s debt situation. But what about secrets someone is keeping. What about infidelity, hiding money, sicknesses, and/or internalized torment.

First let’s analyze infidelity in a relationship. Could your intimate relationship survive if you knew your significant other has cheated sometime during the relationship. Does it matter, even if the incident happened once? I think women are more apt to accept the cheating once than we are as men. You know what, on second thought, once, how about multiple times cheating. Yet there are still those women out there who say absolutely not. Not under any circumstance would she accept cheating.

Now, is that the worse secret one could keep from a marital partner. How about hiding money in a secret bank account or in the form of cash in a safe? How would you react to finding out this person had a secret stash? A rainy day stash just in case they needed to leave the relationship. This way they are financially set in the case you want to leave them hanging dry. It is kind of offsetting to find out someone has plan B.

You start to think in the back of your mind, “Am I not giving them enough?” “Maybe they’ve been planning on leaving me all along.” Dozens of questions go through your mind as to why someone would need an escape route out. But it’s not all about money or cheating. There have even been people that hide medical information from their spouse. This may be on par, if not worse than cheating. A sickness, especially something deadly could put the family in limbo.

You go to the doctor’s office and find out you’re having heart problems. Yet you never consult your spouse, but keep it to yourself. You die, and they never knew anything was wrong. Sounds quite selfish considering had that person have said something, preparations could have been made in the event of a tragedy. Then again, some things aren’t medical per say, but mental such as depression or stress.

The reason why I said medical per say is because depression and stress ( which can lead to depression) is not always a medical issue. Some people can work out their issues over time. But how comfortable are you to go to your spouse and say I’m depressed. It seems like a very uncomfortable experience. But shouldn’t you be able to go to your spouse and express yourself. Especially if you’re depressed. They should be the first person you talk to in these situations.

Yet on the other hand, personal torment can even be too great to tell a spouse. What if it’s not depression or stress, but gender identity. Imagine the upset if your spouse came to you opening up about their sexuality. Could you handle your husband or wife telling you they were gay or bisexual? I can see it now, “Hello dear, how has your day gone?” “Oh by they way I’m gay, can you pass the peas.” Or, “Sweetie, we need to talk.” “I think I’m bisexual.”

There is no real way to break the news to your spouse. Because any way you explain yourself is going to be the wrong way. So with all that has been said, can your relationship survive secrets. If so what secrets, and what is the severity of those secrets. In the end it all depends on the person and their threshold for what you are about to tell them.